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This episode was inspired by a question I received. It lists 100 reasons people might experience delayed ejaculation (positive, negative, wanted, untentional etc.)
Please share in the comments any reasons that I left out and which ones you relate to most.

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Someone wrote to me and asked: Delayed ejaculation...whyyyyy?  To which I'd like to reply with 100 reasons ejaculation of all kinds is intentionally or unintentionally delayed.  Tell me in the comments which ones you relate to most.

Intentionally, someone would delay ejaculation to

1. Lengthen the time you're playing with yourself and/or others, because you're having fun. 

2. If you're not having fun, delaying can give you a chance to improve. 

3. It's a good workout to keep the sexual activity going before resolution, so you may delay as a form of exercise for yourself

4: And your partners.  You don't get a cum bath until you've done 30 laps around the gym.  Laps, laps, laps.

5. It builds stamina.

6: Endurance.

7. Character.

8: Delaying ejaculation builds anticipation. 

9. You may delay to prolong the excitement of your own orgasm.

10. Or to tease a partner with it.  Am I going to cum?

11. Delaying helps emphasize the experience.  You're not rushing to some outcome. 

12: It also facilitates serial orgasms.  If you separate orgasm from ejaculating semen, you can orgasm, orgasm, orgasm, then orgasm and ejaculate.  Ejaculating typically means that there's a refractory period to go through before you can cum again, so if they're detached, not one, not two, not three, but four.

13.  This applies to partners' orgasms, too.  By delaying, your partner can have more liberty to cum again and again and again.

14: Delaying ejaculation can mean keeping an erection longer, which not everyone wants.

15. So another reason for delayed ejaculation is lack of control.  It happens because of the physiology and/or psychology.

16. Your body is worrying.

17. Not wanting to bond.

18. Or get an STI. 

19. Or impregnate someone.

20. New sensations throw off the usual cycle of arousal.

You're accustomed to 

21: Masturbation

22: Or porn

23: Or no condom 

and it's different, so the body has a different response.

24. Drugs.

25. Alcohol.

26. Dehydration.

27. And being tired can also delay ejaculation.

28. So can performance anxiety. 

Edging is practicing control.  It's the sexual act of taking yourself to the edge, then stopping, then starting again, then stopping before orgasm. 

29. This form of ejaculation helps people become more self aware. 

30. And/or aware of what's going on for others while they're holding off.

31. So delaying ejaculation can be like choreographing the timeline and level of excitement that you want.

32. It increases confidence to know when you won't or will come.

33. And for those who risk pregnancy, edging to delay ejaculation really keys you in on withdrawal, pulling out.  

But again, not all delayed ejaculation is intention.  

34. Depression can cause unwanted delay.

35: Anxiety.

36. Stress

37. Medications that treat these and other conditions can delay orgasm.  Antidepressants.

38. High blood pressure meds.

39. Diuretics.

40. Antipsychotic meds.

41. Anti-seizure meds.

Whatever the reason delayed ejaculation occurs, there are benefits to working with it.  Go with the slow. 

42. That time allows you to figure out what you really like.

43. What feels good to your partner.  Mm, I can take all this time rubbing on you and kissing your whole body, all turned on and energized because my sleep-inducing ejaculation is way over there.  

44. Time to try new techniques.

45. New positions.  

46. Practice new moves.  

47. To play.

48. To connect.

49. One reason delayed ejaculation happens is relationship problems.  

50. Poor communication.

51. Lack of trust.

52. Infidelity.  

53. While you're delaying, you may be assessing the situation.

54. Is this someone I want to bond with again?

55. Or for the first time?

56. Other biggies are poor hygiene.

57. Resentments.

58. Conflicts with money, kids, work, the house.

59. Being human.

60. Conflicts with our own bodies.  If we get up in our head during sex and masturbation, our bodies can check out, too.  

61. Maybe the delay is a lack of interest.  It's like the sexual equivalent of twiddling your thumbs and then coming.

62. Delayed ejaculation can also result from worrying.  Being too interested in what might happen.  

63. Maybe even avoiding things after ejaculation.  Like you're having sex this one last time before a break-up or a long time apart and you're delaying it intentionally or unintentionally as long as possible.  Mind games.  

64.  There's definitely a game playing reason to delay ejaculation.  Can you get me to come?  Who can hold off longer?

65. Experimentation.  How many times can I edge you before you're going to explode?  How much more fluid will there be?  How much further will it go?

66. Competition.  What's the longest we can have sex without ejaculating compared to previous efforts or previous partners?

67. Are you delaying to out-perform someone else?  A sort of rivalry?  Your ex went for two hours without blowing it.  I made it for two hours and six minutes.

68. Delaying can elicit a sense of accomplishment

69. And mean bragging rights for whatever that accomplishment is.

To a degree.  Prolonged stroking, penetration, rubbing, licking, etc. can be uncomfortable.  There's chafing, aching, fissures, it doesn't feel good, so this is a reminder that even though there are all these reasons, delayed ejaculation isn't always desirable.  I'm certain that for some people who struggle with delay, it's not a choice.  They wish they could come faster and more easily.  There are many medical reasons that ejaculation is delayed and may not feel like accomplishments.

70. Birth abnormalities.

71. Injury to the pelvic nerves that control orgasm.

72. Infections like UTIs and prostate infections.

73. Prostate surgery.

74. Diabetic neuropathy.

75. Stroke.

76. Heart disease.

77. Nerve damage to the spinal cord.

78. Hypothyroidism

79. Low testosterone

80. Hypogonadicism.

81. Retrograde ejaculation is when the person ejaculates but it goes into the body rather than out, so the actual expelling of fluid is delayed sometimes until they urinate.

81. If you're playing with someone else, one way to cope is to match your physiological response to slow everyone down.  Being able to match another person's level of arousal is a reason in and of itself to delay.  You're pacing yourself so that you can sync up.

82. Physically and emotionally, sexual abuse can cause delayed orgasm.  Abuse from individuals but also from religion, culture, government.

83. Somatization is a defense mechanism wherein the body expresses physical symptoms for psychological distress, in this case, the symptom of delayed ejaculation to communicate "I'm not ready".

84. Insecurity.

85. Lack of trust.

86. Pain.  Ejaculation can hurt for some people, so they may hold off as long as possible or avoid it altogether.  

87. It may also be that something causes the pain, like a dick bending in the wrong direction.

88. Not enough lubrication.

89. Or you're not turned on, period.

90. Delayed ejaculation might just be the body trying to regroup or get aroused.

91. If a person has recently ejaculated, subsequent efforts tend to take longer.

92. And inversely, if someone hasn't ejaculated recently, or at least not in the manner that they're attempting.

93. Things might slow to acclimate, adjust, work out the kinks.  I could come right away if I use this vibrator on here like this, but I'd rather try it with your hands up in there.

Even though delayed ejaculation is pathologized, treated mostly as a dysfunction or a disorder, studying it as a variation of sexual expression can be insightful.  It's despacito.  

94. Slow, sensual love-making.  

95. It's a way to add variety.

96. Mark a special occasion.

97. To follow along with a scene at a play party or in a porn.

98. You can time ejaculation with a song or the winning touchdown.  

99. Play out a sexual fantasy.

The reason for the delay could be as simple as it doesn't feel good, here, here, here, or it feels so much better to delay gratification.  Try it out.  Delay ejaculation

100. For your own curiosity.  Stay curious.


Can you not see my crotch?  The laps like, laps.