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Last sync:2024-07-15 13:45
In which Hank steals a boat, blows some boats up, and then sinks his stolen boat.
When we last left our hero Ezio Auditore, he was looking at a map of the dry docks in Napoli, and there was this long ass thing that he had to go through and it was really annoying, but he did it and now he's almost all the way through and he has to destroy a war machine that Leonardo Da Vinci designed and Cesare is going to use to apparently kill all of these whales up here. Do not kill the whales, giant manatees of love.

Okay, and... I'm gonna- whoa! The canon.

<voice over: Is the cannon ready for testing? We are working day and night.>

The cannon 

<Voice over: My men cannot go any faster.>

"We're giving her all she's got, Captain."

<Voice over: I asked is it ready?  Nearly ready. Then you should stay tonight as well> 

Okay. I have to destroy the bloody Wa-ah, that guy saw me. That guy saw me fast. Uh, crossbow? Crossbow. Draw weapon and, uh, shoot and shoot and you guys are dead. So that's the crossbow. So far, I like it.

Um, and I'm gonna pull out my gun now so I can shoot that guy and now I'm gonna pull out my sword, or rather.. my... giant axe of death, I'm gonna kill all three of those guys and all in such an enclosed space that you couldn't even really see it. So yeah, stealth... uh, not my thing at the moment. I'd much rather shoot, maim, uh all kinds of other horrible things that I'm doing to people and... this is the dry dock.

(1:52) Dry docks are fascinating, I find dry docks fascinating. This is a very small ship for a dry dock; kind of ridiculous to be building such a small ship in such a large dry dock, but nonetheless, that's cool, whatever.
I'm gonna press 'B' to interact with this sparkly thing, and destroy it 'cause they always put, uh,... they always put the, they always put the plans right next to a torch, which is nice, and now I have to flood the dry dock and steal the boat thing and I jumped right down that, that was dumb. I'm a stupid Ezio head, and... do it!
Sparkly bit, flood the dry dock, pull that lever up, make the weight go and let's watch the... what, that didn't do anything.
Is there another sparkly bit around? Yes, there is. (laughs) Ah, didn't do anything. Okay, how do I get to it? Where is it? It's over here.

(2:57) I can't climb that, okay pay attention, Hank. Use your critical thinking skills, make... Okay I see some stuff over there. I see... How do I get up? How do I get up there? Do I use these?
Hey, that's a, that's actually a friend of mine, I actually know who that person is as opposed to all the other people that send me messages on Xbox Live. Um... not that I mind! I like you all who send messages to me on Xbox Live, but I don't, technically know who you are.
Wh-where am I going? Do I have to go this way? Oh, that looks like a potentially good jump. (laughs) Sweet, awesome. Oh, who's there? Who's there? You? No, wrong button. Excellent. There's another dude over there too, but I don't... What? You're gonna shoot me? You're gonna, no you're not, cause you don't have a gun! I'm the only one with a hand-cannon around here,... biatch!
Alright, I went through that sparkly triangle of coneiness and now I'm gonna jump on this, and I'm gonna jump on this, and I'm gonna jump on this, and then I'm gonna jump on this thingy here. I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing this I just, you know, the ground is made of lava and so on.
Okay, got that, good. Where am I going? Where'm I goin'? Where 'ma gooin? Oh, this way, duh. Okay. So, it um, oh I see it now. I see the sparkly bit, it was on top of where I was originally. So if I fall now, I'm going to be very angry with myself. 
So, I'm just gonna shoot you if that's cool. I'm running out of bullets but it's so worth it, so worth it to not have to deal with you, giant man. So, this is the jump that I make or I make lots of curse words. Excellent, you don't have to hear lots of curse words.

(5:21) (sings) Sparkly bit, sparkly bit. (end) Okay, is this gonna flood now, because that would be cool, I'm looking forward to seeing that happen. Who-aa, swan dive. Dude this two blade thing is awesome.

< voice over: Let's see if you can bite the master's hand, shal we? >

Yes, let's bite the master's hand. Okay, what do I do? Press 'B', 'B' to row the boat. (sings) Row, row, row my boat, up into the sea. There's a giant ship on the ocean and going to shoot it. (end) I'm still pushing 'B'. I'm like 'push, push'. 'X' to use the cannon, 'X' to use the... Oh, oh 'RS' to aim the cannon, I want to shoot it. Shoot the cannon. How do I do it? I'm pushing it! Pushing it, pushing 'X', pushing 'X'. 'RT' to fire? Oh... Well then why...? Oh, it's 'RT' to fire. Okay, an an  'X' to use it, okay, I got it. Oh, should I hit the sails? That's a smart thing,... to... use it to get the sails.
Ohh, we're all on fire now! Oh God, oh God, oh God! I'd done horrible things to my fellow human beings! Oh, it's so sad and bad. Why did I not notice that the sails were so sparkly? They were so sparkly, they were like, "Sparkle sparkle sparkle, Hank!"
Okay, um next boat.

(7:07) Obviously, obviously should be shooting at the sparkly bits and I totally ignored the sparkly bits. Yeah, one little person can do this! Leonardo, you are a freaking genius! Sails destroyed, zero of nine, I completely disagree, I just destroyed three sails at least.

(7:31) Am I close enough? Am I close enough? I may not be close enough. Oh, I burned you though, okay. Oh jeez, they've got a cannon. They've got their own cannon. Oh, flaming arrow into my Ezio! Oh jeez, oh jeez. Oh shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot Signora. Oh, are you all going to burn to death now? Oh good. Oh good, I'm so, so happy to hear that. I'm so far not as good at this as I would have liked. 'LB' for tactical camera. Oh careful, careful my friend.
Okay, are these sparkly sails too? They should be. Yes, do it! Higher. Higher, yes. Did you, yes good. Okay, go go go, move it, move it, move it. My goodness this is a resilient little ship. Go! Yes, you are so good. See, I thought these things were whales -oh, listen to them scream- They're not, they're ships.
Six of nine! Six, I just have to get one more, one more for that Borg from voyager.

(9:18) Okay go go go go, gu gu gu giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy. Giggidy. Giggidy. Oh Jeez. D'oh, don't shoot me! Turn, turn, shoot, now row, row, row your boat. Row you're freaking little- why can't you go that way? That's dumb. Look at (laughs) Ezio, your animation is silly. Okay, and very close, is, maybe it's better to be close... you never know.
Ohh, we're all gonna die! Oh, yeah you are. Yeah you're all gonna die. Cause of Ezio, he's the best-io. Oh man, look at that beautiful sunshine, all of the burning death. What have you got? Are you going to break it now and you're gonna be like, "Well, this worked out really well, I liked it."

<voice over: perdonatemi, Lenardio >

I'm gonna destroy your machine. Whoa, nicely done. Oh he shot, he shot itself. He made it shoot itself and now you've have to, do I have, we've got to swim together all the way back. Splash! Achievement unlocked; Full sync. Open one of the first three gates. I don't under-, I still don't know what that means, but I got it, so that's good.

(10:50) That was a good, that was a good one. Everybody enjoy that? Um, that was a nice mission, I enjoy it. Infinite grid! We're on the infinite grid. Actually, you know what? I'm going to end this episode of Hank Green plays Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood 2.0 right now, here in this infinite grid because, uh, it's been like, nine minutes and that's long enough, and I know you guys are gonna complain. Some of you, some of you will be like, "Oh thank God, I don't have to watch this any more." And for those, well you didn't have to watch it in the first place. So you will not see me, and I will not see you, but you will hear me next time on Hank Green plays Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood 2.0.