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In which the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers score goals and there is much celebration.
Oh! Right at the start! It's a goal in the nagabuga! Yes!

It has to be! And it is!

Danica just said I'm gonna cry. D. McGoldrilocks with a beautiful goal!

...looping ball in, it's got good curve on it and then Stone Cold Cteve with a C. Austin.

Oh! What a great goal from McGoldrilocks! Bald John Green to McGoldrilocks!
"He's big, he's red,
He's found the perfect bed,
D. McGoldrilocks, D. McGoldrilocks!"

I mean Thor would win in a fight but Tesla would win in an awesome battle.

That's gotta be. And it isn't! And it is!

...then. Oh we have two!

McGoldrilocks! To Bald John Green! It's two-nil!

You know whose beautiful head you're gonna out this on? Bald John Greens. Put it on his head! No!

"Leroy Williamson scores occasionally!
Leroy Williamson he scores occasionally!
He doesn't always score!"

...of the game. Shoot! And a goal! It's a goal!

...into college essay writing. There's a goal! Finally!

I know what you guys are saying which is that I only score when I don't do those crosses so why do I keep doing them? Because they're pretty. really proud. Oh! It is! Other John Green to Bald John Green!
"John Greens, John Greens,
Bald and Other John Greens,
They're the best forwards that Swindon Town has ever seen!"

That's a great... Everything was perfect and it results in a beautiful goal!

I just confessed to a crime Danica. I'm feeling ashamed.

Oh! This is a good opportunity! And it's in! It's in! It's John Green!

Look how, look how close. Actually I wasn't very close.

...who should either be men or women. Oh! It's a goal! It's a goal! We're back in the game!

It's gotta be! And it is! Bald John Green!

There's Bald John Green doing his Bald John Green thing.

...mostly men. Oh! With massive hearts!

Could it be? Could it be!? No. Could it be!? Still no. Could it... No. identified - Oh it's a draw! It's a goal! It's a goal!

Oh! It has to be! And it is!

So today I want to talk about plagiarism because that's funny.

...try a big cross! His husband is there and they score! His husband is there and they score!

And he goes to... Oh my God! Made of Wynne to Other John Green!

Someone was like "It's really frustrating to watch you defend 'cause you just run at players and hit A." And that's true.

Get it! Yes! We're back in the game just like that! Who would have imagined it!?

Oh! D. McGoldrilocks! Oh he dagagaga!

...pass it off! What a great - Oh it's an own goal! That's my favorite kind of goal!

Nobody can defeat you. Doh yes!

Joey Chestnut on July 4th ate 68 hot dogs. That's too much protein.

Each movie needs to... Oh what a goal from Bald John Green.

You wasted a pretty great opportunity. Oh! But look who didn't waste an opportunity! In the 90th minute!

It was me with my beautiful bald head and my gorgeous, unprecedentedly perfect mustache who scored that goal.