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In which John discusses his excitement over the Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince movie, the benefits of nerd life, and Hank's resemblance to Perez Hilton according to


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A Bunny
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Good morning, Hank. It's Sunday, it's news day but instead of doing news today, we're doing PARTS - 4 of 'em.

Part 1 - Chicago. Nerdfighters if you live in or around Chicago, I will be there this Thursday morning at 11 am for a huge awesome Nerdfighter gathering; tickets are free, it's at the Harold Washington library, more info in the side bar.

Hank, it just occurred to me that I said if you live in Chicago I'm going to be in Chicago on Thursday, implying that if you don't live in Chicago, I will be somewhere else on Thursday, but in fact I'll be in Chicago regardless. I mean, one of the ways that we are not like electrons is that my position in space is not dependent upon your position in space. Anyone? Electron jokes? No? Moving on!

Part 2 - My old friend Harry Potter. Hank, I didn't see the Harry Potter movie on midnight of opening day like you did, but I went to see it last night with the Yeti and we were sitting there like 30 minutes before it started and the theater was filling up and I was like "I'm so excited about the Harry Potter movie! I get to see Luna Lovegood and I'm gonna cry at the end!" And then I really liked the movie because it was funny but it was also sad and it didn't tell destructive lies about teenage sexuality like some other movies I've seen recently... and Ron Weasley has gotten so buff... I mean, Hank, the movie was great, but the 30 minutes before the movie started was what I love about being a nerd. Because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. We don't have to be like, "oh yeah, that purse is OK," or like, "yeah, I like that band's early stuff." Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can't-control-yourself, love it. Hank, when people call people nerds mostly what they're saying is "you like stuff" which is just not a good insult at all, like, "you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness."

Speaking of the miracle of human consciousness, Part 3 - Artificial Intelligence. So Hank, there's this website that a lot of Nerdfighters have been talking about for the last few days. Basically it's the game 20 questions except instead of playing a person, you're playing an artificial intelligence. So you think of like an animal or a mineral or a vegetable or a person or a Doctor Who character and then over the course of 20 questions the computer program figures out what you're thinking of (and I will say how astonishing how often this computer program is right), but when it messes up, it messes up badly. For instance I tried it with puppy-sized elephants, and a lot of the questions were really difficult to answer, like it asked me if it was a mythical animal, and I was like "puppy-sized elephants aren't MYTHICAL animals, they're animals in what I consider pre-existence." But I thought I did a fair job of answering all 20 questions and then it guessed - *sigh* - unicorns. I mean, Hank, I was thinking of puppy-sized elephants, the most outrageously wonderful creature not currently in existence and it guessed unicorns which everyone knows were left off the ark for a reason! Unicorns! It's despicable! Anyway, Hank, I also tried to get the artificial intelligence to guess YOU and I answered all the questions completely honestly. The only one I struggled with was whether or not you have a substance abuse problem because I had a difficult time deciding whether or not corn dogs constituted a substance. OK, before I tell you, I want you to close your eyes and I want you to imagine the one guy you most do not want this artificial intelligence to think you are. OK, Hank, are you ready? They guessed you were Perez Hilton! Gahhhhahahahahahahaha...

Part 4 - Nerdfighters, do you have any questions about love or romance? And by romance, I mean nerd-mance. If so, leave them in comments.

Hank, I've said it before and I'll say it again, nerd-life is just so much better than regular life. *cha-chick* Nerdfighters! Hank, I'll see ya on Tuesday.