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Starting a new series in which I discuss 5 awesome things of the moment. Today's 5 things:

1) This New Series
2) The Movie Inside Out
3) Pizza Hut Hot Dog Bites Pizza
4) Audiobooks in general
5) A thing John Green says.

I'm Wheezy Waiter. I upload videos multiple times a week. I make clones of myself and talk about the news and punch eagles and try to be important. Welcome.

SNAPCHAT: wheezywaiter

MAILING LIST (That I should use more than I do)
Craig: Hello and welcome to 5 Reasons To Be Alive Today. I did one of these lat week and I'm doing another one this week because:

Reason number one to be alive today: This new series. Finally, things are getting a little regular around here and I'm not just talking about my high fiber diet. Ha ha ha ha, that joke's about poop! I want to have a recurring show here on this channel that's informative, fun, and useful, or what I like to call funtormafuseful. Combining words, it's never that funny yet I still do it.

Number two reason to be alive today: The movie Inside Out. It's the new one from Pixar. It's frigging perfect. Now I'm not just trying to pander to a younger audience, I watch all kinds of movies; action movies, drama, comedy, dramedy, sci-fi, sci-fomedy. I even watch Woody Allen movies. Huh! Yeah, I know. No-one watches those. This movie's amazing. It's voiced by Amy Poehler, Phyllis Smith, Bill Hader, Lewis Black, Mindy Kaling. Killing? Kaling? They play characters inside the head of a little girl, each one with a different emotion. Now this might sound familiar to the four of you who have seen Herman's Head in the 90s. It's kind of like that idea and it's executed perfectly.

Now this is a reason to be alive because a common complaint these days you hear is that Hollywood is doing nothing original, they only do prequel... prequel, sequels and reboots. Now I would argue that Hollywood has always been this way and that there's really nothing truly new under the Sun. There's always things inspired by other things. But what we have with Inside Out is a fresh story not tied to a franchise, other than Pixar, and it's a small story about a little girl growing up but with themes so powerful and universal, the fact that we can still get those kinds of stories from movies is a reason to be alive.

Third reason to be alive: Pizza Hut Hot Dog Bites Pizza. (Scream) Yes, it's a thing. This new Franken-Pizza from Pizza Hut features a crust with a hot dog inside of it. And yes it's true, it's an abomination of food. Truth is, it looks terrible, horribly disgusting, I wouldn't eat it. And the reviews of it so far have been pretty lackluster except for maybe drunk people or babies. But this is a reason to be alive today. "Why's that Craig?" Well I'll tell you. It's heartening to know that there are people out there willing to create anything, people who are not jaded by the notion that in this modern day where companies crowdsource and market test and anesthetize and water down ideas into oblivion. No, the fact that the creative people, nay, prophets at Pizza Hut had the sheer audacity, the recklessness of character to combine hot dog and pizza into an amorphous blob of terror, well that gives me hope. Human ingenuity is not dead, folks, and I can't wait for what will be next. Ice cream pizza?

Number four: Audiobooks in general. This isn't an ad for anything that I've advertised in the past. I've been jogging recently and listening to the book Hyperion, which is another reason to be alive for people who like fully realized sci-fi universes but I realize this is kind of a niche thing so I didn't include it on the main list. If audiobooks didn't exist like they haven't for the majority of human existence, when I'm jogging would I just be lost in thought? What would I be thinking about? (Hot dog pizza appears) Oh God! Yeah, audiobooks are good. Actually, sometimes I'll jog while not listening to anything and it can be peaceful and nice but the majority of the time I gots to be listening to my stories. I don't want to just be sitting in my mind palace, I'll just think about how exhausted I am and how sweaty I smell. Audiobooks allow me to instead think about how sweaty the person reading it smells. Sometimes a smelly sweat tells a story of its own, you know. (Sniffs) Whoo. That one's an epic. Medieval, Rome, 1433. Her name was... Mildred. That's not a very Roman name. The story has some flaws.

And the fifth reason to be alive today: Well, I don't know. Let's ask John Green.

So John.

John: Yeah.

C: What's a reason to be alive today?

J: One of my main reasons to be alive is, uh, my delicious Diet Dr Pepper. Like, I'm just so grateful to the hard working chemists at Diet Dr Pepper for making it taste more like regular Dr Pepper.

C: That's great. Could you say something that doesn't sound like a sponsor?

J: Yeah. (Laughs). I think the most amazing thing about being alive is just the ability to pay attention, the ability to be attentive. Like, I have this five year old son and, like, I'll be, like, looking out at the whole world and then he'll just be like "Dad! Dad! Look at this leaf! This is amazing!" And it is really, it is really amazing if you take the time to notice.

C: That's great. Thank you.

Well done. Not gonna compete with him.

Hello, Craig from the future interrupting here. I just want to let you know that I made this video before the great Supreme Court ruling allowing LGBT to marry across the country. I would have put that in this video, I just wish they would have ruled on it sooner, maybe like 250 years ago. Anyway, there's about one second left before the outro, enjoy.

Let... I think we're done.

(Outro - "Wheezy Waiter")

Hope you enjoy my new series. I want to keep doing these once a week and bring about positive vibes. Oooh! This is not the permanent set, I'm currently in Indianapolis shooting Crash Course videos. See, there's a set of that over there. See, there's a backdrop over there. That light looks kind of sci-fi doesn't it? Nice. Do you have any good reasons to be alive today? Let me know in the comments. (Wink ding)