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Duration:11:19
Uploaded:2011-02-08
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In which Ezio attends a play

(0:00) Last time on Hank Green Plays Assassins Creed Brotherhood 2.0, I was chasing Micheletto to the play. I had to tail him to the play because...uuh...he's got... the play is where the person we need to talk to is, and he's got the inside track on all that stuff. Don't see me! You can't see me! Geez... What the frick? It always...I'm on a roof! What are you thinkin? Oh I could assassinate that guy though.

(0:30) That guy, I need to kill that guy. Hey, horses? Where you going? I need you! I need you! Horsie! Horsie! Thank you. Okay, Good. Uuh, yes, so I'm chasing Micheletto.

NPC: Hey! Hey!

And I have to make sure Micheletto does not see me, uh, but, other than that, I'm Just following a guy which is not a particularly exciting thing to do.

But yes, Lucrezia's boyfriend is in this play and we have to interfere with the play to get to Lucrezia's boyfriend and I..and

But Cesare is being all like gross about it and he's like (mockingly) "I'm not gonna let anybody in the play because only I can have my sister! I won't let anybody else have sex with my sister. That's-that would be weird."

*Laughs*
(1:25) Okay does he have a friend now? Did he acquire a friend?
(1:31) Acro...di...Con..stan..tino...AAAH! We stopped, why did he stop. Okay, what are we doing?
(horse neighs)
Is this where we're going? Oh jeez. Oh jeez. Where's he going?
This place is well-guarded. This place is extremely well-guarded.

Um...I will need to assassinate you my friend..and..(*NPC death noise*) This guy kinda saw me, luckily he did not, somehow, see me kill that guy
(2:11) So, so I need to--I'M NOT HERE! What? No! Ow!

(NPC): "I've lost sight of him!"

Hank: Ow. Ow.

(NPC): He's there!--*death scream*

Hank: Okay, apparently not being detected...I feel like I was just detected. Fairly significantly.

(2:30): What do I have to do to this guy?  Do I have to kill him? What do I have to do?

Micheletto: Once you get dressed, you follow me to the play. Capito?

Hank: OK, I'm confused.

Micheletto: Il tuo costume.

Hank: Your costume.

(2:43) OK, I have to kill those guys.

Onscreen: Ezio whistles for Assassin recruits. Quiet screams of death.

I have to..I'm following? I have to keep following him. I'm not here! (*fighting noises in background*) I'm not here. I'm just...hanging out.

I have three flags

Nothing to worry about...I'm not in a zone...of...fear..I'm not in it, I'm good, OK, good, good jo--OWWWWW!!  Now I'm the one getting trampled. Unacceptable! Okay, where are you going, buddy?

 The Colosseum, Intro


Hank: (3:44) Ooh, are we doing the play at the Colosseum?

(NPC): (?)
Micheletto: I seek Pietro.
Guard: He acts onstage Signore. One of my men will take you to him.
Micheletto: Don't forget. I wear the black shirt. Protect me and wait for Pilate's call to the Centurion to strike.

Hank: So this is, there's like two murder plots going on at once here, or am I wrong about that? I need to go there, to that sparkly triangle of sideways-ness.

Sideways sparkly. Okay.

(deep voice) EXIT STAGE RIGHT. Without being detected, infiltrate the Colosseum to find and rescue the actor Pietro before he is murdered by Micheletto.

I can do that! I can do that, no problem.

 The Colosseum, Mission


(4:30) I have many minutes to do that before this episode is over, oh it's nighttime! It's..nighttime? Oh there are a LOOOT of guards. There are a lot of guards....

Oh, nope, that is not working, there we go, that's better...Yes, good climb, good climb, Ezio, very impressive. Climb to the top of the Colosseum. Do not be detected (laughs) (sings) Spiderman, Spiderman, he's so freaking awesome. That was a pretty bad slant rhyme.

(5:12) Um, that's a long way up. Where's the next...somebody sees me? No, nobody sees me! I'm impossible to see.

Except for this guy. This guy would probably see me..if he weren't (creepy whisper) about to DIE...

WHAT? Where did the second guy come from? (laughs) I was not detected! I was detected by that DEAD GUY. Where did that other guy come from? There was only one duuuuude. There was only one dude, and then there was two dudes. And I can kill one dude, but two dudes. That's a little much to ask for. 

(5:51) (sighs) Fart-knocker. That's how I feel right now. I feel Fart-knocker. (sings) Infinite grid of pink and blue fail. Pink and blue is the color of my grid.

Ugh. God. Ezio. Ezio, Ezio, Ezio. That was just lame. Go. Go-go-go-go.

I wish I could afford to repair the Colosseum. It would be so beautiful repaired. Oh, I went up the wrong one, but that's OK.

I can shimmy. (sings) Shimmy shimmy coco-pop, shimmy shimmy rooock.

Hehe, that's a funny dance. Were you wearing hammer-pants, Ezio?

Yes, I don't know how I would have done this without the climbing glove. I'm SO glad I have the climbing glove. I should have gotten that first--who NEEDS the double assassin blade? I'm loving it.

(6:44) OK, there's two of you. So that was...I should have checked to see if there were two of you..OH! Sometimes there are two of you, sometimes are not!

But, I don't need to kill anybody! Why would I kill---that guy has a family, he's just trying to earn a living. There's no reason for me to try and kill him. (7:05)

So..yeah, the place where I'm going is quite--whaa--NOPE. NO, you'd don't see me. Don't see me. OK, good.

The place I'm trying to get is quite a ways away from me right now. I don't know..yes, I don't..whaat was that? I saw a weird thing up there, I don't know what it was.

Shimmy Ezio! Shimmy! Shimmy like your mommy told you to! Oh, it was an eagle.

Okay, that's not gonna help me, there's nothing there. This looks like crumbly brick though. Crumbly brick is good.

Climb the crumbly brick! CRUMBRERERL. Do it, Ezio. Do it and don't..augh..whu..oh, don't worry about how high up you are. Don't...don't ever worry about that. I will do all of the worrying for you.

Alright, jog it. Good job. That was impressive.

There's no guards up this high. That would be ridiculous.

(8:13)

(camera zooms down to main stage)
And..wow, okay. So there's a murder plot, Pietro is gonna be killed. He's a thief, we need to save him. It has something to do with..uh..and then there's a bunch of play actors. It feels like two plots going on at once, which is very, impressive. But it's also very confusing for me.

Because I'm also, while trying to follow the plot, trying to talk. And be funny. And such. And I have an eye twitch, because that's how freaked out I am right now--TWITCHY EYE.

You...should I have been paying attention to all that? That's a long way away. I need to go over there. Are those real people?

Pietro: "My god! My god, why hast thou thus forsaken me?"

Oh, there's..they're not actually there.

Ezio: But which cross is Pietro's?

Actor: Hark, hark he cryeth upon Elijah to deliver him.

Hank: Do I need to save all of them?

Other actor: Wait and we shall see whether Elijah dare come here or not.

Pietro: My thirst is great. My thirst is great.

Hank: My thirst is..oh yeah, suck on this sponge.

Actor guard: Yea, thou shalt drink no more.

(9:22) (camera zooms back up to top of Colosseum)

Oh, this is creepy. Straight-up creepy.
Checkpoint reached. Eliminate the gunmen before heading backstage.

Gunmen....gunmen..in FOUR MINUTES AND FIFTY SECONDS? That's not a lot of time.

Doo do do do....

Oops. I assume I can't be detected (kills guard)

Oh come on! He's dead! How could a dead guy detect you? Oh man...man...why did he turn around in the first place? I AM SILENT AS A CAT ON A BEDSPREAD. That's a weird analogy, but Cameo on the bedspread is always like What? Where did you come from? You..how did you get up here? I thought you were in a completely different part of the house.

Maybe I should just jump and be like PNEWWWWW...that didn't work. Yes it did!

It apparently did work. Um, except for all the people that see me right now, and I can't get away from them. Because there's fuck...no fricking way to get through the frickin Colosseum.

Oh, OK that was a bad idea. I thought, because there were pigeons, I would fall into a haystack! That's what the pigeons are there for! To let you know about the fricking leaps of faith, but. Alas.

So this going poorly. Infinite grid of pink and blue fail is where we will end this episode of Hank Green Plays Assassin's Creed Brotherhood 2.0.

You will see me, no you won't. You will not hear me, yes you will. Next time, on Hank Green Plays Assassin's Creed Brotherhood 2.0. Goodbye.