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In which John discusses zombies and unicorns and Obama and Edwards (and asks some questions of Giuliani fans.)


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A Bunny
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((') (')
Good morning Hank, it's Monday October 8th.

As you can no doubt tell, puff levels are a little bit high. I'm not even stressed out, I just need a haircut. I mean seriously Hank, my hair is so puffy, that if it sampled a pop song and used a bunch of lyrics by the Notorious BIG, my hair could probably become a platinum selling rap artist.

Moving on. Hank, in your video on Friday, you talked about potential topics for our feud. One of the topics you discussed was the presidential election of 2008.

You are mostly for John Edwards and I am mostly for Barack Obama. Now Hank, I like John Edwards. I think he's a bit of a schmuck, but I like him.

I could vote for him. I could happily vote for him. Right now I happen to like Barack Obama a little bit more, but it's early!

Hank, I believe that politics are important and that presidential politics are particularly important in this election cycle. But I do think that smart and thoughtful people can have honest disagreements about presidential politics, which is why there are both Republican Nerdfighters and Democratic Nerdfighters. Although Hank, as it happens, I do have some questions for supporters of Rudy Giuliani.

Question 1: You want Rudy Giuliani to be president? Question 2: Seriously? Question 3: Are you sure?

Question 4: You know he doesn't even have the support of his kids, right? Question 5: Rudy Giuliani?? Question 6: As president??

Question 7: Of the United States of America?? Question 8: Really?? Question 9: Are you sure??

Question 10: Rudy Giuliani.... Huh. Fascinating.

REALLY?? Anyway Hank, as important and interesting as it is to have a vigorous discussion about presidential politics, which we've been doing for months in my pants, there's something that I think matters just a little bit more right now: You prefer unicorns to zombies?! Oh my god, I don't even know if you're my brother anymore!

What on Earth is there to like about unicorns?! I knew you liked My Little Ponies when you were a kid, but I figured you got over that. And as offensive as I find My Little Ponies (and I find them plenty offensive), they're not nearly as horrifying as those little beasts of suck!

Hank, you probably don't know this, but young adult authors have been feuding for months over the question of whether or not zombies or unicorns are preferable. And I frankly cannot believe that a member of my own family is on the unicorn side. Now don't get me wrong Hank, there isn't much to recommend zombies.

I mean yes, they inspired Shaun of the Dead, which yes, was an excellent movie. And of course it's not like one of the best noise metal bands ever was called White Unicorn. But all that said, Hank, I don't like zombies.

I mean they got flesh hanging all over them, they're not technically people... You put a zombie up against a werewolf or a vampire, I'm gonna go against the zombie every time. But a unicorn, Hank?

A UNICORN? Unicorns are like all the worst parts of horses plus all the worst parts of rinoceri. I mean seriously Hank, in all of fictional history, what have unicorns ever accomplished?

Providing transport to the Care Bears as they travel to and from the Forest of Feelings? Hank, maybe it's just me, but I prefer the hard truths of zombies to the easy lies of unicorns. And that goes for my presidents as well as my myths.

Hank, I hope you didn't forget to be awesome this weekend, and I'll see you tomorrow. Although you know what I could get behind, maybe as a compromise? Zombified unicorns.