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In which Hank likens presidential politics to card games and then explains his unicorn preference.


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A Bunny
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*sings* Good morning John!

It's Tuesday, October 9th, and I just got a new iMovie plug in. *imitates sXe Phil opening theme* Wait, no, no that's not, that's not me. Phil, how you fill me! Don't feel bad if you don't know what I'm talking about, in fact, feel good if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Especially if you're under 18. Moving on! John, yesterday you said that John Edwards was, a, I think you used the word schmuck.

And, I'm kind of upset about that. Why? You're in favor of honest discussions about presidential politics, yet, when you talk about Barack Obama and John Edwards, you talk about them as if one's gut feeling about a presidential candidate is more important than what the candidate actually plans on doing once he gets elected.

As if presidential politics is, is like a game of poker. I don't know about you, but I don't want the presidential election to be a game of chance. 'I think that guy's got a good hand, he looks confident; I think that guy's bluffing, he looks like kind of a schmuck'. I don't want this; *holds up a hand of cards, values hidden from view* I want this *reveals cards*.

This is all I care about. They can all sit around and play their games . . . I don't care.

I don't care what they look like when they're holding their cards, I don't care how happy they are when they're dishing 'em out to me, all I care about is what's on the cards! *mutters* Oh well, it was good for dramatic effect. Now, I have to clean it up. The problem is there's not enough time to actually talk about what's on the cards.

There are a lot of cards in the deck of presidential politics and ... apparently many of them are eights. That's weird. So, we obviously can't talk about all the issues here on Brotherhood 2.0.

But as I tend to believe that the environmental crisis is the biggest problem that humanity has ever faced, I also tend to go for the candidate who has strong environmental policies, and John Edwards has very strong environmental policies. And I understand that you, the Nerdfighters, everyone can and will disagree with me on that, but that's what I believe. And that's why I'm an Edwards man.

Unless he loses in the primary, and then I will be for the next person who has the strongest environmental record. And, I'll be honest, Barack Obama's up there: he has some good plans, but he just doesn't have nearly as strong of a global warming policy as John Edwards does. FEUDING!

AAAAAAAHH! I forgot I should be screaming. He doesn't have NEARLY as good a global warming policy as John Edwards does!

BUAH! Ok, let's go back for a second. This, BUAH!, is what feuding does to people: it's not healthy.

Look at that face. That being said, if I had to be approached by an entity in an enchanted forest, and it could be a unicorn or a zombie, I would probably go with the unicorn. Zombies are dead, but they're animals . . .an . . . they're dead animals, but they're animals.

The primary drive of any animal is to procreate. And that's not something we can blame an animal for: that's what life is about, and it's also, I guess, what un-death is about. So, the un-dead want to make more un-dead, but there's only one way to make un-dead, and that's to kill the living.

I'm thinking it would be preferable to meet something whose primary mission in life is not to kill me. That is why I went with unicorns. Also, unicorns are a mix between, like, horses and . . and, like, narwhals, and I'm a pretty big fan of narwhals.

As far as I'm concerned, John, feud settled: Edwards, Unicorns . . . oh wait, if John Edwards was a zombie unicorn, I would probably still vote for him. John, I'll see you tomorrow.