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In which John answers a wide variety of your questions as he travels to beautiful New York City for Book Expo America, where a rope dangling from outside his skyscraper hotel room window terrifies him. Issues addressed include romantic relationships, the cover of An Abundance of Katherines, the banning of Looking for Alaska, favorite YouTubers and Beatles albums, etc.


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A Bunny
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((') (')
Good Morning Hank, It's Tuesday, and as you can tell from the grey speckled walls behind me, in a stirring turn of events, I am in an airport.

I have to go to this big book conference called BEA, and give a bunch of speeches, and I'm super nervous.

BUT It's question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from Real Nerdfighters.  

Let's get right to it.

Q: Hard tacos or soft tacos?

A: Burritos.

Q: Would you ever consider doing a video upside down?

A: What do you mean like this? Or like this? I could do this, but the people in the airport are looking at me kind of weird. Ugh, I'm too old for physical comedy. Ugh. Ohhhh.

Q: Hey whatever happened to the Abundance of Katherines cover contest?

A: Actually that's part of the reason I'm going to New York, I get too announce the winner on Thursday, and reveal the cover. I'm so excited.

Q: How do you feel about Looking For Alaska getting banned from several High School's in Tennessee?

A: Yeah bad, I mean that stuff used to make me really angry, now it just makes me sad. I set a book in you Tennessee, this is how you repay me?

So Hank, I'm here on the 39th floor of my hotel, and there is a rope, a rope.

I don't know if there's somebody above or below me. But I'm afraid for them, and a little bit for myself.

I would go to the edge of the room and look but I, I can't get too close to the window or I get nervous.


Q: Would you go on Dancing With the Stars?

A: No, it combines two of my least favorite things, reality television, and dancing in front of people.

Q: Would you be okay with the United States becoming more like Canada?

A: Well if you mean living in a country where people live longer healthier lives, are more likely to be employed, less likely to experience sexual violence. Then I guess so, but if you mean putting a Queen on our money, HELL NO!

Q: At what age did you hit puberty?

A: Well I didn't really hit it, so much as I sort of gently bumped into it. But I was about 14.

Q: Exactly how bad is your eyesight?

A: Well it's just a little bit better than my dad's, and one time when we were kids my dad lost his glasses in the ocean when we were at the beach. And later we were watching T.V. and he said "Hey John, could you move those clothes?" and I said "Dad, that's Hank."

Q: Favorite book of the year?

A: So far, Behind The Beautiful Forevers.

Q: Henry's first word?

A: Hi

Q: Favorite movie?

A: Harvey

Q: Why do wasps exist?

A: Why do you exist?

Q: Favorite infinite set?

A: Real numbers

Q: Favorite Beatle's album?

A: White

Q: Favorite YouTuber?

A: Charlie

Q: Is the Yeti a Nerdfighter?


Q: Meaning of Life?

A: Helping

Q: Favorite Shakespeare Play?

A: I've answered that before, I think last time I said Hamlet, so this time I'm going to say Macbeth.

Q: Are you afraid of Sharks?

A: Yeah, why do you think I live in Indianapolis, we've got awesome shark insulation.

Q: Pineapples, or People?

A: Hmm, that's tough, both pineapples and people are kind of prickly and they both manage to somehow be simultaneously too sweet and too sour.

But I think I'm going to have to go with people just because I find them more physically attractive.

But on the other hand you can eat pineapples,no I'm going to stick with people. I mean you can eat them in a pinch.

Q: Will you cast Nerdfighters in The Fault In Our Stars movie?

A: Right so I know this sounds weird but if Fox makes a movie, of The Fault In Our Stars, I will have exactly as much say in casting as you will.

And the reason they don't trust me to make those casting decisions is that I should not be trusted with that decision, because in my mind Drew Barrymore is still like 16 years old.

I'll be like "Why not Jennifer Lopez for Hazel, and that charming young up and coming Hugh Grant for Augustus.

So yeah if they make the movie,it'll go how it always goes, which is that we'll all find out about the casting. We'll all be upset about it, and then we'll go to the movie, and we'll be like "Oh my god! Jennifer Lawrence was the perfect Katniss!" and then we'll be in love with Jennifer Lawrence but not in a creepy way... although we do follow her tag on Tumblr he said referring to himself in the first person plural.

Q; How do I gently tell a boy that I'm not romantically interested in him?

A: I have exactly one piece of relationship advice. USE. YOUR. WORDS.

Hank, DFTBA! I have to go give a speech to some librarians but I will see you on Friday!

... Scary.

Ahhhhhh why does it move so much?