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View count:493,720
Last sync:2023-01-12 17:45
In which Hank and John answer questions from Table Topics ( in Seaside Florida. Also, there is a really adorable squirrel. Herein we discuss product placement, Diet Dr. Pepper, time travel, marriage, nerdfighteria, psychics, sentence fragments, parties, and farts.


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A Bunny
( - -)
((') (')
Good morning, John. I very much enjoyed our family vacation here in sunny, steamy Florida. All of the people and the scenery and the squirrels - just gonna talk a little bit while this squirrel is extremely adora- oh it's lajdha why it's so c- oh my god! Of course one of the best things about any trip like this is hanging out with you and so, here's some footage of that.

J: So yesterday Hank and I discovered this new game
H: Table Topics! It's not actually a game! They did not sponsor us.
J: No, in fact that's why we don't do product placement is so that you can know that like the corporate behemoth that is table topics is not responsible for today's video.
H: They also - table topics is actually owned by Exxon Mobile.
J: Is it really? Delicious Exxon Mobile oil. Good to the last drop. I'm practicing trying to uh
H: Right, yeah we gotta get good at this stuff.
J: - be a pitch man
H: "Diet Dr. Pepper. Tastes just as bad as regular Dr. Pepper."
J: Or "Dr. Pepper 10 it's not for women, it's for, apparently, misogynists."
H: Table topics wants to know: "Do you live more in the past, the present or the future?"
J: I live ENTIRELY in the present.
H: … like people do!
J: Is that a question intended to suss out Time Lords? Umm.. will they be like-
H: I got you!
J: Oh, I've been caught!
H: "What quality do you think is most important end marriage?"
J: "End marriage?" What quality do I think is most important in ENDING marriage? I don't know.. cheating? What a depressing question.
H: In! Most important IN marriage.
J: IN! Mutual generosity.
H: Aww that's very sweet.
J: It's true!
H: John, what's your dream job?
J: Oh, I had this crazy fantasy where I get to make video blogs with my brother and write novels. I mean I have my dream job, what about you?
H: Same. I'm exa- same. Except for…
J: Wow, but you have like a million jobs. Your dream job is to have all the jobs?
J: Congratulations, you've done it. Also, that is going to be GIF-ed. I'll just get out and then you just do an all the jobs… my belly's still in
H: ALL THE THINGS! It's good 'cause it'll repeat and it'll just be you squeezing
J: Oh that is gonna be great. THAT'S gonna be the gif!
H: What one question would you ask a psychic?
J: How they live with themselves knowing that their profession is a lie?
H: If it was a proven real psychic…
J: Yeah
H: I'd be like.. Tell me the stock market
J: That's a very sophisticated financial question, Hank. "Tell me the stock market" It's not even a question it's just a statement: Tell me the stock market is a sentence that ends with a period. IT's not, it's a fragment of a sentence, I guess it would end more with a-
H: Shut!
J: semicolon
H: Up!
J: or something..
H: John, if money were no object what kind of party would you throw and where?
J: If money were no object I wouldn't throw a party.
H: I would, I would throw VidCon. Even better.
J: I like to be by myself. Oh and my family would be invited.
H: No, I had a new - I have a new answer.
J: Okay.
H: I would throw a party on Mars if money were no object.
J: Here, let me ask you a few. Hank, if you could be a famous athlete, who would you be? This is going to challenge Hank's ability to name an athlete.
H: Harry Potter is a…
J: He's a pretty good Quidditch player. He never went pro.
H: No, he had other things to do.
J: What's the most significant problem facing the world?
H: Farts.
J: Henry, what is the most significant problem facing the world today? Hank thinks it's farts. Is it the lack of naps?
Henry: I heewd a gahbage twuck.
J: You heard a garbage truck?
H: I didn't.
J: Hank, if you owned a boat, what would you choose to name it?
H: The Dark Time Bad Wolf
J: Hank, which piece of land would you wish to have preserved forever? Well, forever's an incorrect concept.
H: Can I preserve it from the explosion of the sun?
J: Hank, what do you miss about childhood?
H: Dexter my ferret.
J: This was a stuffed ferret, for the record. What remains undone that you wanted to get done for years?
H: For years??
J: Yeah for me it's lipo.
H: The elimination of death.
J: Haha, I've been meaning to get to that. Hank, what one goal do you hope to accomplish this year?
H: I hope this year to put an end to all suffering.
J: I would like to do a couple cool projects with Nerdfighteria so I see that we work on somewhat different scales. Hank, thanks for playing table topics with me I will see you on, right NOW.

[Outtake from end screen] 

J: I would not say on a Vlogbrothers video that Time Lords are fictional, my friend.
H: Don't listen to the bad man.