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In which John discusses Hank's impending punishment in the context of Thierry Henry's hand ball in the lead-up to a goal in Ireland and France's World Cup Qualifier. (I am not a die-hard Ireland supporter or anything; I just like fair play.) The "Are the new viewers gone yet" is stolen from my hero, Ze Frank:

The infamy/famy thing was inspired by E. Lockhart's brilliant novel "The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau Banks."


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A Bunny
( - -)
((') (')
Good morning, Hank.

It's Sunday, November 22, and today we will be discussing the burgeoning Marxist revolution in the west African nation of Benin. Are the new viewers gone yet? No, Hank, today we aren't going to be discussing the burgeoning Marxist revolution in Benin, partly because I made it up.

We're gonna talk about something much more exciting: your pain! Yes, Hank, today, November 22, is a day that will live in famy. What?

Famy? It's like the opposite of infamy. It's like there's days that will live in infamy, and there's days that will live in famy.

Hank, I think I can speak for all of Nerdfighteria when I say we have been waiting to punish you forever! All we wanna do is force suffering and humiliation upon you, but every single Wednesday you make a video, every other Wednesday it's a song, every other Tuesday you make a video, they're never more than 4 minutes long! It's incredibly annoying!

And then when you do break the rules, like when you briefly uploaded a 7-minute version of your Severed Hands of Star Wars video, you call me and insist that while you may have broken the letter of the law, you didn't the spirit of the law. And so, of course, after you posted a 4-minute and 2-second video last week, you called me and you were like "It was only the subscription screen, I'm on tour! I can't be bothered to live by the rules!" Hank, I'm sympathetic to your plight, but let me tell you a story about a world with no rules.

Hank, once upon a time, there was an extremely important and closely fought soccer match. And then towards the end of that soccer match, Thierry Henry caught a ball, put it at his feet, kicked it to his friend, who then scored a goal and France gets to go to the World Cup because they cheated. That's what happens in a world where you don't enforce the rules, and while I might have to deal with that stupid kind of stuff in real life, I will not stand for it in Nerdfighteria!

Sorry I'm still kinda mad about that handball. Hank, here's what bothers me about Thierry Henry's flagrant handball in a game that you probably haven't heard of and don't care about. Human beings have this tendency in sports and also in real life to think that breaking the rules is not really breaking the rules unless and until you get caught.

Maybe the Giant Squid of Anger shouldn't have a head, it should just be like *angry squid noises* All of which is to say, Hank, that you are getting punished! Huzzah! Boy, am I excited, I don't even mind that I'm getting punished when you're also getting punished!

Nerdfighters, you know as well as I do that we do not often get a chance to punish Hank so let's not mess this up. I need your excellent punishment suggestions in comments, and if you have time I'd love it if you read through all the comments with me and thumbs up the ones that you like the most! Oh boy, Hank, I have a great feeling about this punishment.

I think it's just gonna be one of the famy-est to date. Nerdfighters, DFTBA. Hank, I'll see you on Tuesday.

My beard has become very beardy, but no matter how beardy it gets in here, there's still kind of a fundamental inability to beard over in this area.