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Duration:10:05
Uploaded:2011-04-25
Last sync:2018-11-16 19:40
In which Hank is the portal monster meister of mystery. And GLaDOS continues to call him fat.
Hello and welcome to "Hank Green Plays Portal". I'm totally not rescuing- no, I've gotta do it, I have to do it. There's gotta be a way to rescue this Companion Cube, right? There has to be. So I just open- it's open. So I just have to grab it, and then go through a orange portal. 

(0:28) Duh. That's not confusing at all, why was I making that so hard? There. I rescued my Companion Cube, see? See? Take that, GLaDOS. Eat it. (kind of half-sobbing) Eh-he-he. (sighing) Well, that's a great intro. That's a great intro to this episode, I hope that you enjoyed me being- all of my hopes and dreams being destroyed. 

(0:55) All my dreams, as they say, are dead. So, what test chamber am I on? Anything new? What is this showing me? New stuff? Turrets? We've got turrets here, I think, being crushed. Oh, Emancipation Grills. Right. Emancipation Grill. What are you gonna do something, crazy creepy arms in the walls? You are. Even the arms seem sentient. 

(1:33(GLaDOS: Oh no. The turbines again.) The turbines? (GLaDOS: This test does require some explanation.) Okay. Oh. Lovely. Okay. Oh, forgot, that makes the portal disappear. Okay. 

(2:05) That's why there's a hole there. Clearly. Come with me. Come with me. The laser can go through there, right? Totally. Excellent. Okay, stop trying to burn your legs off, Hank. Well that was easy. That was not complicated at all, GLaDOS. Not complicated at all. Where'd you go? No talking? No quips? No destroying my dreams? That's it? 

(2:38) I just go on to the next test chamber? Fine. Fine, I don't need you. It's not like you're the only person in the world that I interact with anymore. It's not like you're the only company I have even though you did want to kill me. Chapter 3? Hello? GLaDOS? Hello? Hello? Okay, the fact that I miss the woman who's trying to kill me... you guys okay? Okay, that's... yeah. 

(3:11) What are we doing? What's going on? Faith Plate. Okay. Ooh, hello? I heard Wheatley. She's back. Hi Wheatley! (Wheatley: ... you thought I was done for, but...) "Thought I was done for, but." She's not very nice. Okay, okay, let's do it. 

(3:53(Wheatley: ... bloody bird, right? Couldn't believe it either!) (laughing) "Bloody bird"? Okay, well, I'm ready for you whenever you fix your thing. Oh, you're just gonna lower the ceiling, right. That's easy to do. Apparently you can't portal on things that are currently moving. Okay, good, I'm through. Excellent. Here I am, here, now. What do I need? So, that takes me up there, but that's not useful yet. That shoots me up there, but that's not useful yet. That gets me to the button, so I will go to the button. 

(4:35) Something tells me that I did not have to do all this with walking. Yes, good, button it is. Okay, that now, good. Blue. And then here I am, hello. Hello little thing. Oh geez, oh geez, oh geez. Why am I always shooting myself in the leg? Okay. (quoting GLaDOS) "Someone of my generous...ness." So, now I have to go up here. And then bonk, and now I'm up here. 

(5:27(laughing at dialogue) The weight jokes are weird, GLaDOS. It doesn't feel right. Okay, my elevator wasn't even ready for me 'cause I did that so awesomely and fast. Okay, portal. Portaling- Hank is the portal monster-meister... of mystery. I'm the portal monster-meister of mystery. That is right. That is correct. That is my new DJ name. MC Portal-Meister of Mystery. 

(6:05(GLaDOS: Yesterday I saw a deer.) I don't believe you. I think that we are the- that I am the only living thing left, except for the plants. Well, I'm glad that you're not promising more than you can deliver. (yawns) So we've got four minutes to solve this test chamber. And I got you. So that's a good start. Woah, what did- why am I down here? I did not realize that that was something that was going to happen. 

(6:44) Aah. Stop! (laughing) Stupid thing. (singing along with background) Duh-duh-duh-dur-dot. So I'm sure that I should block this. At least I hope so. Good. Good good good good good good. Lucky that didn't singe me. Weird. Okay, still moving up. Still moving up. This dropped one of those, where's it going? It's coming woah up here to see me. 

(7:23) Hello. Hello. Nice to see you. Not sure what I'm doing, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. So you look like you don't need to be here anymore, so- hoh, what? No, what? Oh man. No, I guess I could just blonk up there. Okay, that wasn't so bad. But I was just surprised that that was possible. But everything's possible in Portal. That's not true. 

(8:00) Okay, so I've got that blocked, that's good. I'll take you with me, 'cause I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need you up there. And the thing's going through the little hole, that's good. Hitting that one, good. And then, yeah, see, I'm gonna need you over there, yeah. So, which color did I use? I used that color, so I should use this, and- oh, no, not quite. Yeah! We are free.

(8:32) All I need to do is go back down to that Faith Plate. Hello. And I'm bonked. And I'm bonk.  And then bonk. And then oh my god oh my god I made it all the way up oh my god. Okay. (GLaDOS: Well, you passed the test.) I did! (GLaDOS: I did see some humans.) I still don't believe you. I don't think that there are people. I think that I'm the only one left. 

(9:03) And that GLaDOS is all that I'm gonna have for company. And I'm just gonna have to get used to that. And I don't mind GLaDOS. We could just chill. We could just hang. No problems. Just you and me. It'll be good. You know. Depending on your definition of good. We've got some farms, I saw some farms on the walls here. Hard Light Bridges. Okay, Hard Light Bridges it is. I maybe should end this episode right after. So look, Hard Light Bridge, right there. 

(9:38) Well, we are going to learn all about Hard Light Bridges next time on "Hank Plays... Test Chamber 11... Portal 2". You will not see me and I will not see you then, but you will hear me playing this game, and there's an annotation in the top right-hand side of the video right up here and you can click on that and watch the next episode. Thank you, and goodbye.

Transcript by Coignmaster