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I walk across this bridge of light...and everything will be alright. In which Hank is introduced to hard light bridges and does remarkably well. GLaDOS remains cruel and Wheatley kills some baby birds...jerk.
Hello, and welcome to "Hank Green Plays Portal". This is me, I'm Hank Green, and I'm playing Portal. Hello? Okay. That was weird. So, this is gonna test my brain might. So, I want it to go through and then come- so, here we go. We have- I'm a little bit surprised by how it seems to not go at the speed of light. 

(0:38) It seems to go considerably slower than the speed of light, considering that I can see it. But, nonetheless it seems to go fast enough. Well here we go. Going over here. I'm over here now. I'm gonna push this button So there's a thing there that looks like a button, maybe for a cube, and this is a cube button. There's the cube. How do I catch that cube? Okay, they continually come. They're going to come forever. Okay. That is not what she said. 

(1:14) Is that how you get back there? This hole here? I think it must be. Oh goodness god. I feel like this is very dangerous, but it should move at the speed of light, right? It was there, it was below me, it was below me before time. And then- aah, I don't know about this. Seems kinda scary. Okay, don't walk off the edge, Hank. Okay, okay, all right. Got you! Got you, you little cubey. Oh yeah, and you just walk right through, 'cause- and I'm back where I started. Oh yes, yes. That is awesome.

(2:00) Now I have to go over there, right? So I can just do this, and then just walk over there, right? Seemingly? Maybe? Yes? Yes. Okay, you're on the button now, that's good. How do I get back? No, well I have to get on the bridge, and then I can just walk through the hole, so that would work if I didn't think I was gonna walk right off of it. 

(2:29) How about over here? Yes, that will do, donkey. That will do. Okay. Can you like, conceivably, like, I can jump... and like climb? I could. I could conceivably jump-climb. But that doesn't actually seem that useful to me at the moment. So I think that I've done this test chamber. 

(3:02) Has it taken me three minutes? It was complicated. (GLaDOS: You're a predator, and these tests are your prey.) (roaring) Hello, ooh, I wanna go up. That was chubby, that thing looked chubbier than usual. (GLaDOS: Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them? Did you guess sharks?) No, I didn't. GLaDOS, you weren't trying to help me. You were trying to kill me. 

(3:27) Repeatedly. Many times, you tried to kill me. You shot rocket launchers at me. If I remember correctly, at least one time one hit me in the back. And I died. So I'm pretty sure that that qualifies as "not trying to help."

(GLaDOS: I figured out what to do with all the money I save recybling your one roomful of air.) I don't think money exists anymore. (GLaDOS: That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.) She doesn't have a fantastic bone structure. She seems somewhat funny-looking. 

(4:07) (GLaDOS: Perfect, the door's malfunctioing.) Okay, I can portal through that. I did portal through it. There's nothing to portal into. Hello? Hello? This is all- well, oh. Hi! (Wheatley: I found some bird eggs up here...) Well, you were just talking about birds. Oh. Okay. "Bird, bird bird bird bird." Okay. 

(4:48) Right, well that wasn't really a useful interaction, but it's nice to know he's still out there. Okay, so there's a Light Bridge there. How do I get there? Oh, I can just go up there. Wait, I should push this button first, see what happens. I see what happens. Okay, so now I'm gonna walk out of this onto this Light Bridge and I'm not gonna die. Good lord. Yikes. Yikesy yikesy. Okay, so now I just have to make blue portals. 

(5:24) And only blue portals, from now on. Okay. You're gonna drop and you're gonna fall right on there and you're not gonna fall off? That's my Companion Cube. I mean, Weighted- just a Weighted Cube, you're not a companion. Okay, now where do I go? Hello? Hello? Okay, I'm gonna go through here, and then I'm gonna make a bridge that goes...

(6:03) (laughing) Oh god, don't die. That seemed right, that seemed like it did the- except I don't have the cube, except I don't have the cube. No, I don't want that either. I should have brought the cube with me. Okay, that looks good. That looks like I can get the cube. Okay, cube's coming with me this time. Hello, cube, you need to be with me. I don't know why I went anywhere without you, that seems awfully silly now that I'm thinking about it. 

(6:36) Why would I try and go anywhere without my trusty Weighted Cube? Okay, okay, now I do that, and that looks like I've done the right thing, and go. Okay, here I go. Here I am. Hello, cube, go on the thing. (GLaDOS: Well done.) Thank you. (GLaDOS: In fact you did so well I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section.) Well that's awfully kind of you, GLaDOS. So you're finding ways to- right. "Did well enough." Finding ways to make me feel bad about doing good. 

(7:18) She's a real sweetheart. She's got lots of skills. Including: killing, murder... not a lot of empathy. Not so good at the empathy. Could be a weakness, though. Oh, turrets. (GLaDOS: They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh, wait, that's you in five seconds.) "Spherical?" Right, 'cause I'm so fat that I'm a sphere, and I'm going to be full of bullets because of the turrets. Hello, little friend. 

(7:57) Why do I keep just putting you down? No. There you go. Yes, "owch." (Turret: I don't blame you.) I wouldn't blame you either. (Turret: Are you still there?) I am still there. I'm sneaking up right behind you. Ha ha! Portal is fun. You just- oh my goodness, your tubes are clogged, Aperture Science. Your tubes are clogged. 

(8:35) Hello, hello. Are you going to- no, no killy? No killy shooty death? Hello? Blonk! That's right. That's how I roll. I've done this before, last time, on Portal 1. I don't hate you either. Funny how that works out. Okay, well that one was easy to take care of. You guys, unfortunately- hello! There's no "X"s on the ceilings, Rattmann did not leave any "X"s on the ceilings for these guys. That looks about right, though. 

(9:16) Yeah! And this one, I can just run at him, 'cause now you only have one. You can just keep the stone between you and it. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow." Okay, well thank you for watching this episode of "Hank Green Plays Portal". Aah! There's a hole in the ground.

(9:45) Well I'm not gonna deal with that this episode, I'm gonna deal with that next episode. Thank you for watching. You will not see me, I will not see you, there's an annotation in the top right-hand side of the video, it's right about here, where you can click right now and go watch the next episode, if it's online yet. Thank you for watching, and I will see you- no I won't. You will hear me next time. Goodbye.

Transcript by Coignmaster