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Today we're looking at the most ridiculous inventions ever made, including an actual goldfish walker.

And we play Feature Tombola where we genuinely don't even know what's going to happen. Does it show?

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Charlie & Jimmy

  Intro (0:00)

Charlie: Good morning, it's Thursday.

Jimmy: I'm Jimmy.

C: I'm Charlie.

J: Today on the show, pet butt covers.

C: What is that? Let's find out.

Both: It's Cereal Time!


C: It is indeed Cereal Time. If you're playing along at home, get your bowls out now, it's starting. This is a week-daily show me and Jimmy do-

J: Fill 'er up.

C: -every single morning just for you to try and entertain you. We also want to have guests on the show at some point. Not this week, but if you have any ideas for YouTubers or real celebrities-

J: Oh yeah, that'd be good wouldn't it?

C: -that you'd like to see on the show, do get in touch, who would you like to see?

J: I'd love a real celebrity. Yeah, please do. Drop us an email, we are, we'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

 Silly Inventions (0:47)

J: So this week on the show, it's all about beginnings. This is a new show, a new beginning for Charlie and I, so we thought today we'd talk about inventions, 'cause in many ways an invention is the beginning of an idea. It's tenuous, innit? (Laughs)

C: It's good enough.

J: It's a tenuous link.

C: We're gonna look at some silly inventions, it's gonna be fun. Shall we get started?

J: We're gonna look at some silly inventions, yeah. This is quite relevant to me. When I was young, I used to quite like to invent things. I was one of those types of kids. I can remember taking a lot of old electrical equipment apart and then reassembling it into what I thought was robots but what actually was just a mass of cables that really used to annoy my mum. (Charlie laughs) "Mum, I've made a robot!" "Is that my radio!?" So I'm looking forward to seeing this.

C: So not really inventing so much as destroying.

J: As destroying, yeah. But I like to think it's creative destruction.

(Invention 1)

J: So this is the sandwich cutting knife.

C: Currently on Kickstarter, apparently.

J: I don't know if I'd even want that in my house, it looks quite dangerous. Like I'm bad enough with one knife. Give me two knives, I'm going to be losing fingers all over the shop.

C: I feel like it's just not quite there. You either one knife, right, to cut with or you want three so you can pretend to be Wolverine, but two is just sort of nothing.

J: Yeah.

(Invention 2)

C: Then we have pet butt covers which... (Laughs)

J: She looks so pleased with herself, this woman. Bless her.

C: Is she the inventor? Like, "Oh, I'm so happy that..."

J: Is it Jennifer Aniston?

C: I'm not sure. I don't think so.

J: So... (Laughs)

C: I mean, I'm hoping this thing, like... What happens when the dog wants to, like, because... Does it just, like...

J: I think it's like a trap door, it just slips open.

C: Oh, OK.

J: So it's on, it's almost on a hinge.

C: Right.

J: So the dog sits down...

C: Just like a...

J: Yeah. I'm guessing that's how it works. It's not a cork.

C: 'Cause I imagined it was just like a sticker, right, and it just...

J: Ooh, that's gonna go horribly wrong, isn't it?

C: I don't know if this is the right talk for first thing in the morning, but...

(Invention 3)

C: Next we have the goldfish walker.

J: Oh no, this is a joke.

C: No.

J: That can't be real.

C: Look at that, that looks... I mean, they made it, like I don't know if they're selling them on the market but...

J: Oh, it looks like, it looks like the bottom half of a Dalek.

C: (Laughs) I mean, it's pretty, I don't know. I always felt like it was maybe a little bit mean to be keeping a fish in a bowl. This is, you know, a nice little compromise. You could take it out for a walk, let it see the sights.

J: Yeah. I don't know if that's a fish's main problem with being trapped in a confined space, though, is it? It's not like "Oh, I wish I was out seeing the world", it's more like "I want to swim around a bit more."

C: I guess so.

(Invention 4)

C: Next on the list is the rope-less skipping rope which is just two handles so you don't trip up on the rope.

J: So... (Both laugh) That's not...

C: Where did you get these from?

J: That's just doing that. (Swings hands around) So that's just doing that.

C: Yeah. Oh, well why... And that's a real patent that someone...

Josh: Yeah. Went through.

C: Oh my God.

J: Who is buying the handles?

C: Jesus.

(Invention 5)

C: So here we have multipurpose headgear, which... I read through this one, I don't understand it. So this is a device, right, that can serve as a hat, got that one, it can amplify a user's voice, it can be used as a hearing aid.

J: Oh wow.

C: It can be used as a carrying utensil, so a bag. It can serve as a banner to advertise a logo.

J: (Laughs) What?

C: And it can also be used as a traffic cone and a Christmas ornament. (Both laugh) I mean, this is, this is surely just...

J: This is...

C: This is just like... I mean it looks like someone's just gone and taken a sleeve and shoved it on their head.

J: That's exactly what it looks like.

C: Why would you hang that from your tree, I mean...

J: I think that's what's happened. Someone has put a sleeve, for some reason, on their head and been like "Oh look, if I hold the end up that looks a bit like a traffic cone".

 Feature Tombola (4:22)

J: It's Thursday, and Thursdays on Cereal Time are Feature Tombola days.

C: Here we have a tombola. This is the one bit of the show where we don't really know what's gonna happen. We have lots of options for possible features in the feature tombola. We're gonna pick one out, just try and figure out what it is on the spot and hopefully it will be fun and entertaining.

J: We've not seen these, we don't know what's in the tombola, we don't know what the features are, we're just gonna have to kind of make it up, really.

C: Do you want to spin it properly?

J: Yeah, can I?

C: Go for it.

J: Take the honor?

C: Spin the tombola.

J: Oh, look at that.

C: Ooh.

J: Beautiful spinning option. That's fantastic.

C: Stop it here. I feel like that's enough spin, and...

J: Get your hand in.

C: Alright. What have we got here. "What's the smell?"

(Both laugh)

C: OK. What's the smell? So...

J: What's the smell?

C: So, should you get the blindfold for me.

J: What's the smell? OK, let's move, what's the smell? Do you want to be guessing and I will do the smell finding?

C: Yeah, I'll guess the smell, so...

J: OK, what's the smell? So...

C: Do we have a blindfold or should I just, like, sort of...

J: I'll find one. I'll find one.

C: I can see through that.

J: You stay, you stay there. What's the smell? The way it works...

C: He's saying "The way it works is that we find a smell".

J: We're gonna find a smell.

C: And I've got to guess what the smell is.

J: I've got a t-shirt.

C: Right, that'll do.

J: Yeah.

C: Just quickly, just go find a smell.

J: OK.

C: I'll get... I'm not looking, promise. OK, I'm ready.

J: OK.

C: Don't take anything out of the rubbish, OK.

J: Yeah. It's really hard to find things that smell in a studio.

C: OK, so have you got something for me?

J: Oh, OK, right.

C: How are we doing?

J: OK. Just stay calm, I've got a smell.

C: Alright, I'm ready.

J: Now, can't get too close to this.

C: Ooh, I felt a bit of static electricity. That's worrying.

J: Just give it, give it a smell. Go in gently.

C: Ooh! Oh, what is that?

J: You smelling?

C: Ugh. Oh, it smells like old cheese or something.

J: (Laughs) Does it!?

C: It does to me.

J: OK.

C: I should point out I have a terrible sense of smell, so...

J: OK. Oh, well you're brilliant for this game then. Right, I'm gonna hide this smell. Please take off the blindfold and give me a guess. What do you think you were smelling and what's the smell?

C: Um, I think I'm going to have to say what I thought it was which is old, old cheese?

J: Old cheese? In the studio? Where'd I find that? (Laughs)

C: Maybe in, maybe from the bin? I don't know.

J: It's a cactus!

C: It was a cactus! Oh.

J: That's why I had to say be careful.

C: Oh, why does it smell like old cheese? Does it smell like that to you?

J: I don't think it smells of a lot to be honest.

C: So I lost and you win the cactus, I think that's how the game goes.

J: Winning.

 Outro (7:17)

C: Right, that's the show then. Thank you very much for watching. Please subscribe to us if you'd like to see us every single morning without fail. Please write in, please give us a like, please do all of the normal engagement things. We like it when you engage with us, it's nice.

J: We love an engagement. I've just realized I spiked myself on the cactus-

C: Oh dear.

J: -and it's kind of hurting a little bit. It's fine, though. We like to end the show with the Twitter Thought of the Day. This is an inspirational quote to set you guys up for the day. Normally we'll take suggestions from you via Twitter, but 'cause no-one's watching the show yet we're having to make them up ourselves this week. Charlie, it's your turn to invent an inspirational quote.

C: OK.

J: I've got some words to give to you, to incorporate. Those words are: sausages, trampoline, and camels. It's got weird, ladies and gentlemen.

C: Camels or canals?

J: Camels.

C: Camels. Well, um... Camels. What's the other words, sorry?

J: Sausages and trampoline.

C: Alright. Camels: don't make them into sausages, let them fly like on a trampoline.

(Both laugh)

C: Please send us in your own Twitter suggestions for quotes 'cause, oh my God. Alright. See you tomorrow.

J: See you tomorrow.