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In which John talks about new Wimbly Wombly player, Dicko. The Wimbly Womblys play Wigan Athletic.

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Hello and welcome to Hank Games Without Hank. My name is John Green, I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys! Today taking on FA cup two time finalists, one time champions, in the last few years - Wigan Athletic! Why-gan Athletic. I think they're in London. Or whatever. Maybe they're in a town called Wigan. Maybe that's a real place - doesn't seem like a real place.. Maybe they make wigs? I don't know.

(0:19) Anyway, today we're going to be taking on Wigan, and the Wimbly Wombly supporters, as you can see, are out in numbers to support their beloved Dicko. Oh! Today's video is gonna be all about Dicko. I had a big long conversation with him - I told him I want to introduce him better to the fans. Generally, I think we need to get to know our- our current Wimbly Wombly line-up a little bit better.

(0:39) You'll notice that Bald John Green and Other John Green, not playing, unfortunately still not in Ethiopia, just on the bench. But they may have to leave at a moments notice, so they asked not to start today. It's crazy things- it's crazy complicated.

(0:52) Anyway, we got ten points. We're in tenth place. We got twenty points. And uh, yeah, we're gonna try to win today's game.

(0:57) Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! We got two Dicko songs. He's our new- uh, one of our new strikers. We got two Dicko songs, thank you to the Wimbly Wombly supporters for coming up with these. I like them both a lot. I think that I might use them both. One is um, to the tune of "old MacDonald had a farm". Ready? (sings) A Wimbly Wombly scored a goal, and Dicko was his name, oh! D-I-C-K-O, D-I-C-K-O, D-I-C-K-O, and Dicko was his name, oh! (talks) That's a good one! No doubt about it. It's a winner.

(1:26) But then we also have, to the tune of "battle hymn of the republic", great American song - I think it might have been English first, but whatever. (sings) Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Dicko just scored a goal! (talks) (laughs) Um, that's- that one's not bad either! Just 'cause I get to say Dicko so much!

(1:53) So um, I know we're all wondering about like, what was Dicko's life like before he was a member of- great pass from Dicko! Ohhhh! And it's a beautiful start for the Wimbly Womblys! Dicko to Who? Deeney! Who? Deeney! Who? Deeney! You can also go like, um, (sings) I believe in real magic, I believe in real magic.

(2:19) (talks) although I found out from Dicko that Houdini is something of a- he's a very- as Houdini put it when I asked him, he's extremely aggressively single. He doesn't believe that monogamy is the natural state of humans, Meredith. Isn't that interesting?

(2:35) Um, so yeah. So Houdini is like a- just a very- he loves to date! But not in a serious way. Um, so we could sing a song about um, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, they're kind of- it's kind of like a buddy comedy, because Houdini and Dicko are sort of opposites. Houdini is this sort of- oh, God. What am I doing? What am I doing? ...Hard charging, um, you know, somewhat- he likes to party, he knows his way around um, you know, both dudes and ladies. He knows how to have fun.

(3:15) And then Dicko is like- oh, Dicko! Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Ohhhhhhh (sings) Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Dicko just scored a goal! (talks) Beating the living crap out of Wigan Athletic. More like Wigan not-that-athletic, you know what I'm talking about?!

(3:47) Anyway, it's like a buddy comedy because they're sort of opposites in important ways. Like, you know, Houdini is this hard-charging, likes to party, knows how to have a good time kind of guy. Dicko told me that if he had- if he could do anything in an evening, he would spend that evening on the couch with his wife, um, after his kids go to bed, just like, hanging out and relaxing. And that his number one place to be is at home, and that he doesn't even really like to go out to dinner.

(4:13) He's a pretty shy guy, and now he's getting recognized a lot, particularly in South London, for his incredible performances. And it makes him uncomfortable - this is the first time he's played for- he's English, but this is the first time he's played um, in this quality of competition. He was in league two before this, and so it's just a whole new world for Dicko.

(4:33) Speaking of whole new worlds, Dicko! That was a little too long on the cross but it was gonna be beautiful. Um, so he's just- he's, you know, he's enjoying London, but he doesn't- he's not enjoying it in the sense of like, going out to dinner and stuff. He's just hanging out. Originally from Birmingham, which, turns out, is in the Midlands! And not England! I mean, not Alabama. Birmingham, England. That's where Dicko's from. He told me it's in the Midlands, and uh, it is a town in England. It was a town in England before it was a town in Alabama, he told me.

(5:00) Anyway, English guy, his- oh, God. Oh no! Don't worry, he's got it. Would have been a good time for the X button, but we don't use the X button here in the Wimbly Womblys! Oh. God. Oh, God. Should've used the X! Ohhh, thank you Seb Brown. Um.

(5:16) Anyway, he's from a working class family. He's- but he's real- fascinating guy. He's the first guy in his family to go to college. It's extremely unusual for a- for professional football players to be university graduates, and in fact Dicko is not a graduate, but he did go, for two years. I think it's like a three year bachelors in England, or something. But anyway, he went for two years, um, and he was a very good student. It was just, then he got a professional contract. He felt like he needed to, you know, kind of do the right thing for his family, sort of thing. But he'd like to go back!

(5:50) And he was a student of philosophy. Oh, off the post! Oh, that was beautiful. God, we just look- we look epic and flowing! I love the new look, Wimbly Womblys! I love what Dicko and Houdini have done for this team! Um, so uh, anyway, yeah, he studied philosophy. Um, "read philosophy", I guess, is the phrase in England.

(6:13) But he knows a lot of- reads a lot, big reader. And actually, weirdly, has not read the Fault in our Stars. So, I brought that up to him. Thought maybe- 'cause the press ask him about it, 'cause I'm the only professional football manager who is also a novelist. So. There's Houdini. Nine league goals. Man, that guy is having a great season. Um, you know that it doesn't- it doesn't hurt him with his romantic partners. He's such a good footballer.

(6:43) Um, so anyway, Houdini and Dicko, studies in opposites, Houdini goes out pretty much every night, which isn't... I mean, it isn't ideal. He's carrying a few extra pounds just from water weight from alcohol weight. Um, you know how the beer tends to settle in ones midsection? You can kind of see that in Houdini. Um, but he's just a great player, and he and Dicko get along great inside the locker room. They have a lot of fun. They kid around with each other a lot, but all in good fun.

(7:12) Speaking of in good fun, how about Callum Kennedy's hair? There's nothing fun about that. Um, so they have a good time together, uh, so far at least, their chemistry seems amazing, and you can see it on the field. They just- that's- I mean, that's a great example. That's just a fantastic pass. Dicko to Houdini, and then uh, here's our second goal. Man, Dicko with the beau- it's almost, you almost never see a volley goal in FIFA, when you're playing with my skill level players, so that was beautiful.

(7:39) Um, but yeah. So they're getting along really well. The Gaulden child, tired like always, but we're gonna keep pushing him. And, so Dicko, you know, family man, two kids. They're three and one, an older girl, a younger boy. Um, loves hanging out with his kids, brought his kids to the training ground a couple days ago because his wife, who works in a law firm as, not being a lawyer, but doing some stuff- I didn't really understand what, like legal uh, research or something? I don't know. But she works in a law firm.

(8:14) Uh oh! Everything worked out better than expected. And she erm- yes, that was your fault, Torje! Erm, she was sick. Um, or the daycare was busted. Or something, I don't know. They have like daycare through work.

(8:30) We should have Wimbly Wombly daycare. That's something that we'll have to talk about, um, when the John Greens get their baby. It's been very quiet lately, baby stuff, because of this bureaucratic nightmare as the John Greens wait for their Ethiopian visa to try to- um, connect with their baby, who's now almost three weeks old.

(8:48) Oh gosh! Oh boy. Um, so yeah. But that's- it's all gonna work out, I'm confident about it. Speaking of working out, Seb Brown caught that beautifully. So it was a great first half. We have to say we've slowed down a little bit in the second half here, but, you know, there's still ample opportunity for some beautiful goals. Beautiful goals ahead! No, I was not off- I disagree with you, sir! Oh, they just hold a nice, tight high line, don't they, Meredith? I should have gone to Dicko, look how open Dicko was! Dicko was making an insane run. Urghhhh, it's frustrating.

(9:22) Torje's coming off from Mack-nemenem Mack-nemenem, Mack-a-nemenem. Mack-mack-mack. I didn't know how to say that guys name when he played for Liverpool, and I don't know how to say his kids name either. Um, oh, God. Oh, God! (laughs) We are just so bad at defense. We just look lost out there. Look at that. Who is that? Who is having so much troub- is that Röcker? Uh, Röcker, you gotta say, he hasn't really settled with the Wimbly Womblys yet. I have great faith in him, not least because his name is Röcker. But he hasn't scored a goal, hasn't really settled defensively.

(9:57) The Gaulden child? That's it. That's it, Gaulden child. You don't get to play any more, buddy. That was disheartening to see. I like to see a little more guts from him. And he knows that- he knows that he's still young. He's only nine years old. So he knows that if he doesn't play well, he's gonna come right off, no questions asked. Hells Pells coming on, as is Luke Moore. Uh, Less More coming on, um, for the Gaulden child. And uh, yup, think I'm gonna leave everyone else in. Francombstein looks exhausted. We do like to make all our substitutions at once. So... I'm gonna go ahead and do that. All three substitutions- just, just basically a completely rejuvenated Wimbly Wombly midfield for the last twenty eight minutes here.

(10:40) Um. Yeah. One of- anyway, I love this about Dicko, that's just like a- he's a guy who- Mose Vestergaard has the Callum Kennedy hair cut?! It's a disaster! I like about Dicko that he just wants to hang out, that he just wants to like, be with his family all the time. Like, he goes directly from the training ground home basically. Um. You know, he spends time with the guys, but only in the locker room really. He's not one of those guys who like, goes out to bars.

(11:04) For some reason, the guys like to bowl a lot, which I just don't approve of. Um. So, but he never goes bowling with the guys. Um, he just, he just loves his family. Anyway, I haven't met his wife yet. She works a lot. But the kids are just gorgeous. Just lovely. Just adorable. Nothing like a toddling-around one-year-old kid, you know? Just like, walking around the soccer pitch in slow motion with their little, their little feet. So frickin' cute. So anyway. I really like Dicko and his kids.

(11:38) Ohhh, speaking of Dicko, he's on the ball! He's on the ball! Dickooooo! Ohhh. Dickoooo! Ohhhh. Sorry (laughs) I get so excited. He's so good, look at him! I mean, that was gonna be a goal, and that was almost a goal. He just needed to get a little more oomph on it. That was probably my fault - not holding down B long enough. This is Deeney. It's not a bad cross! Oh, man, we got it in the middle of the box. And then a great pass, really good pass out of bounds. Directly out of bounds, just like they like to do it.

(12:09) Um, Dicko's kids name, I should probably tell you that. Um, they- I asked Dicko straight up about his name, if it was hard in school, and he was like "yes, it was hard. My name is Dicko, my last name is Dicko". And I was like "yeah, I know. Like, I don't even wanna know your first name 'cause I just wanna call you Dicko for the rest of your career". And he was like, "that's alright, I've only ever been called Dicko".

(12:30) And um, but he told me that he fought with his wife about either going like hyphenated name - her last name is Johnson. But Dicko-Johnson isn't that much of an improvement really. But they fought about going hyphenated, or just naming the kids Johnson instead of Dicko. But then they decided that the kids were gonna be Dicko's. So it's Violet and Nicholas Dicko. Those are the kids' names. Um, yeah. So Violet and Nick Dicko. Um, and they're just, as I said, adorable. Violet's three, Nick is one. Nick just started walking. Very cute little walker! Just, just figuring it out, you know? That's the cutest, when they're like "what do I do with my- these feet? Oh, I think I can walk with them!"

(13:10) Anyway, Dicko had a goal and an assist, it hasn't been a bad game, but you can tell he's kinda hungry for a little more. Um, being a little- I don't wanna say he's being selfish, but he definitely knows this video is about him, you know what I mean? Like, he's acting like, this is my video, it's probably gonna be called Dicko exclamation point. I'd better do my job out here. And he's had a nice game!

(13:29) It's just- I mean, this is like, this is a good kind of Wimbly Wombly win, you know? We're not gonna- we're not gonna with them all on the ninetieth minute on Dicko goals, but like, if we can just get the occasional easy victory, I think that's ideal. Um, just kind of, the walk in the park garden variety, um, you know, want it without having to freak out too much kind of win. That's good. That's what we're looking for.

(13:52) That's a nice pass to Dicko, Dicko's gonna release- oh, Dicko! Dicko! He was a little late on the release there. That was very promising, and now he's trying too hard to work in defense. Fortunately we have Seb Brown back there. Saved two penalties against Luton Town and kept a clean sheet today. Seb Brown, ladies and gentleman! Underappreciated this season. Um, he's just been out there quietly doing his work, giving up very few goals, big part of the reason that we're mid-table in the championship, the second league of English professional soccer.

(14:25) Great game from Dicko! He's my man of the match, with one goal and one assist. Um, but a nice job all round from the boys.

(14:34) Thank you so much for watching, thanks for supporting the Wimbly Womblys, and sorry Wigan that you've gotta squat in shame. Best wishes!