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Dr. Lindsey Doe: The first crush I remember having was on Robbie Newman in third grade. He was the best at playground foursquare.
Now, it's on Tom Hiddleston - if his photo shows up on my tumblr...*moans* ...what was I talking about?

-- Intro--

I have had crushes - still have them - on so many people. This guy, this guy, this gal, this cartoon, both of them, her, him, and him, and then the people around me who I crush on daily, either superficially or very deeply. For me having a crush on someone means that I desire to know them intimately. Sometimes that's a sexual "I want to *grunt* their brains out", other times it's a loving "I want to write that person a letter to show how special they are to me." This one, I'd probably call a "squish" instead.

I have romantic crushes I want to date, I have intellectual crushes where I get turned on by someone's mind and need to just learn from them. Oh, I get aesthetic crushes too, because the person is just so hot or so lovely smelling. Tom Hiddleston sounds delicious.


For all forms, the experience is usually accompanied by ambition to be in their company, self-consciousness when I am, and daydreaming about them when I'm not.

"It's nice to have a crush on someone. It feels like you're alive..."  - which is how I experience it, but other people feel like they're dying. That's because we all experience crushes differently.

Glamour has a list of 12 types of crushes they presume I will experience in my lifetime: Childhood, celebrity, co-worker, not-my-type-crush, twitter crush, hate crush, high school reunion, borderline-inappropriate, barista, crush I won't admit, crush I see everywhere, and the THIS COULD BE IT crush.

Yes. Mhmm, I've had them all.

So what happens? Well, sometimes I flirt to determine if the feelings are mutual. Other times I place the individual on a pedestal for fun, just to give myself hope that someone is that great. And then there have been times too that I do nothing at all, or actively work on demystifying them. You don't have to have a response or a reaction to a crush. Crushing can be the thing to do in and of itself. Crushing allows you to feel sexual or loving. "There are people I'm attracted to! I can get aroused!" 

Bonus, this actually works, whether or not you want to be in a relationship. Another benefit, crushing allows you to have feelings for people without shame. You may feel ashamed, but what you're doing is not shameful. The person may be unavailable. The person may have a different sexual orientation than you or be socially unacceptable to date. Liking them does not make you a bad person. I was a teenager with a crush on Bruce Willis - 26 years older than me - Socially unacceptable partnership, but totally acceptable crush.

Crushing also teaches you about your own personal attractions. You might not recognize trends in my crushing habits but they're there: Confidence, eccentricity, nerdiness, passion, nice skin, cool mouths, friendliness, and typically not the alpha or beta. 

Some of these traits might be idealizations of the person and not the reality of who they are. In which case it may be helpful to go through what I call "crush death" if you have to - seeking out evidence that your crush isn't as "wow" as you thought.

"What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person."

If a crush is infringing on your life in any way, replace the obsessive thoughts with new behaviors. Learn a new language, borrow someone's dog to love on, invest in the relationships you have, and not just the ones you wish you had. And, if your crush is someone close to you, take a break. You can set boundaries. "I'm super into you, and it's spinning me all around. You haven't done anything wrong, but to take care of myself, I need to keep my distance for today. Thanks friend." The most important thing I want you to know is that having crushes, squishes, any kind of affection is completely natural and you do not have to feel ashamed. You liking someone is a matter of you heart and it simply means you are human doing a human thing.

If you want to see Hank's interview on monogamy, Here. Subscribe, support us on Patreon and Stay Curious!

What Ahhhh! *moan* Sorry, I was like, rebuilding neurons just now, but Blaaaaah!!!!