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Dr. Lindsey Doe (while plucking daisy petals): Loves me, loves me not, loves me...

-- Intro Cut Scene --

... loves me not, loves me! Have you ever tried to predict your relationship with daisies, pulling off petals until the last one? (blows daisy petals)

Maybe you're more familiar with the thorough approach to fortune telling: MASH. Basically - Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House, these are your Crushes, Dream Jobs, Dream Cars. After it's all filled out, someone draws a spiral or makes tic marks until you say...

(off-screen) "when"

(*Dr. Doe Counting*) One, two, three, four, five. Five points. Count five, crossing off the fifth contestant, around and around until there's only one left in each section. This is your future.

Twisting the stem off an apple while saying the alphabet is another way to predict romance. "D...E...F... ... Fritz?"

The same goes for pop cans. "I... J... K... ...Kelly!" 

Let's face it though, the results only matter if they match what I want them to be. My favorite form of fortune telling involves a deck of cards. 

First task, pull out all the Aces. Second task, identify the person you would be with for love, for sex, for money, and for friendship.
Shuffle the deck, pick a card without looking at it, and set it aside. Then, sort the deck. Flip a card over, check suit. If it doesn't match the suit of the Ace, move along. Flip, check. Next card, Flip, suit. Next card. If it does match the suit, flip again on the same ace, and continue as usual. Once the whole deck has been dealt, you then sort out the suits.

So, for the person you'd be with for love: they love you decently, they're terrible in bed, they have very little money, and they're a great friend.

Here is the outcome for the person you'd be with for sex, the person you'd be with for money, and the person you'd be with for friendship. The card set aside at the beginning is who you actually end up with. Spades - the person you'd be with for sex.

Fortune cookie - open it up, pull out the fortune, and read it with "in bed" at the end. "Be direct, usually one can accomplish more that way... in bed."

Quija board, who will I end up with? Magic 8 ball, is she the one? Cootie Catcher, are we meant to be?

How do you really know if someone likes you? Ask! "Do you like me?", "Wanna hang out?", "Interested?", "Up for a date?", "Wanna subscribe to our channel for more sex ed content in the future?"

Let's stay curious and not assume we know what the answer is going to be. If there are other romance predicting, fortune-telling love games you can think of, please share them in the comments, or on "face/tum/witter" where Sexplanations also lives.

And check out our merch at, including this Stay Curious t-shirt, and this coloring book of masturbating monsters, and if you're into getting presents from us/supporting the show for many generations of cootie catching and daisy killing: Patreon. We have new certificates of Sexplaniteering for you.