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Duration:10:32
Uploaded:2010-12-15
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In which Hank goes all Dexter on a serial killer
And I'm back, and I've headed back to my offices on the Tiber Island, and I, uh, just initiated a cinematic without it being on. So I apologize for that. But we haven't done much, we've seen that a doctor has taken care of my beautiful girl. Uh, now we resume. Click!

Couldn't find Machiavelli, (?~0:24) she's been looking for him. Oh, there he is. Found him. What? Sorry didn't kill anybody. Hmm.
 I-- Oh... Well, I got my girl. Aha. That's very sweet of you. 

'Strike now'! Yes. I can burn down lots of towers. We're gonna go BURN SOME STUFF! Burn it burn it dowwwwn! He didn't even have the funny face. He had a funny face, but he didn't have the totally funny face, he didn't have the big nose. I wanted to see it better-- to see him better -- but I didn't get a chance to.

More cutscenes... What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we-- Are we-- Yes. That's. Uh... burn down towers? Recruit who? (?~1:46) Oh. Okay. So I'm gonna go recruit. 'Man of the People: Fight with two citizens of Rome against the oppression of the Borgia and recruit them for the Assassins Guild. Do not lose more than 5 health squares.' Yes sir! I shall do it!

'Assist citizens fighting against the guard by killing their attackers.' Should I kill this guy? No? He doesn't count? Well, I tried. I figured I might as well. Uh, unfortunately, the unfortunate thing about this game is that, uh, if you just go ahead and try and kill 60,000 guards, which is more than the population of Rome during the 1500s, you will not, in the end, uh, oh-- Oh, what?!

I was not-- Ugh. I wanted to tell you something interesting, and, uh... And then I ended up-- Okay, excellent! Oh, you're a girl! Are you gonna be an assassin? That's excellent. Uh, the guards infinitely spawn, so you can't just kill all of them, unfortunately. I would love that, but you can't.

Yes. Okay, well, come back to my place, and uh... And we can get you a better outfit, cuz I think that's all that's really required to be an assassin. I recruited one assassin, now I have to recruit another citizen...

I'm gonna take down this thing here, cuz I don't like it! Don't like it! Picture is a bad picture of me. Totally didn't get my good side. Where-- there's nothing else on my map. There's no other people to recruit on my map. I don't know where to go if you don't--

Oh my God, there's lots of them. Okay, I did not realize, I thought there would just be two. But there... I can recruit assassins all day and night if I wanted to. Wrong direction. And, uh, there's a lift here, which I love. I think you know very much how much I love the lifts, so I'm gonna take it.

And I'm gonna run... uh, 'Use a lift'-- yes, I know how to use a lift, obviously. Learned that early on in the-- Ooh! I did not think that that was gonna do that, but okay. Swan dive. What-- What is-- Oh, I see, I see. Okay.

Um... There should be someone right around here somewhere. Somewhererrer. I hear you. Hello? Where are you? Are you above me? I'm confused, haha. I just walked right past where you should be. I assumeyou're up on top of something, then. Oh-- Well-- Well, you were. I was just in a, eh, lower catacomb. 

Well, my patience is you're dead. Oh, hey, that's my friend. Everybody's always attacking my friends! Come on, come on. Do it. Oh, my friend did it. Okay, from behind. Oh, what? Ugh, stupid tree, I didn't get to see myself kill that guy! Oh, another lady.

I want to recruit lady assassins all day and night. Same speech? You're just gonna give the same speech to every person. Jeez, Ezio, that's embarrassing. Little improv here and there.

Yes, I will upgrade this medical shop. I would love to do that. For the community! For Ameri-- I mean, Rome! Haha, 'Who requires bleeding?' Not me, thank you. I'mma head back-- oh, what did I do that for?

Oh. Oh goodness. 'Discount increased at the Doctor's.' Um... where am I going? Exclamationy, over here. Not far away. Oh-- Uh-- Okay, what's this? What's this-- no, that. 'Empty Faction Building', I'm gonna try and fill up that faction building, if it's all the same to you. 'Cause there's nothing more depressing than an empty faction building. 

Do it! Swan dive! Mhm. Do not swim. Someone said that Ezio doesn't like to swim because he is a cat. He is a cat. That's awesome. Cat of a man. Catamaran. Oop-- Pfff, ha! 'Nobody saw me. Nobody sees me. Uh-uh. I'm, I'm not there.' Heheh, forgot that you could do that. 

Uh... where am I going? Where am I going? What's going on? Here it is. Right up here. Right on the other side of this. Nope. Nope. Where's it at? Over here. Someone crying? Who's crying? Who's crying? Hello? Hi, are you okay? You-- you good? 

Oh. Okay. 'Serial Offender.' Okay. Yes m'am. I will get him, 'locate and kill'. 'Full Synchronization: Kill your target using the Assassin Recruits.' Don't know what that means. Uh... apparently I can use assassin recruits-- I don't believe I've been told how to do that yet.

Malfatto-- 'Access database.' Gonna read about Malfatto. 'Abstergo's database says: "Ravaging the poor districts of Rome, Malfatto preys on those unfortunate enough to be caught unaware." The only data I could find outside of that was a report of a masked doctor in 1502 seen lurking outside of the Rosa in Fiore. This guy seems like really bad news, and I've read a lot of bad news lately.' Oh. Fascinating. So he's like Jack the Ripper, but, um, but Renaissance-style. 

Um... what is this little fountain here? Who are you? Are you-- You guys need to wear more clothes. I'm not saying that you're inviting it or anything, I'm just saying that... that's not very many clothes. That's not very many clothes. He went that way. Oh, they're pointing me in the direction that he went. That way. 

Wow, you guys are like mindless automatons, though, the way you point. 'This wayyy... He went thiiiis wayyy... This waaayyy...' And... which way? Which way? Point! 'Thaaaat wayyyy...'

Mo-- Oh, there he is. 'Kill Malfatto.' Mff-- Malflatto. Come to me, asshole. Come to Auditore... I will put this blade in your brain... We gonna talk? We gonna have a conversation? So far we haven't had any of those conversations that we've had in the last couple games where I'd stab you in the brain and then we talk for a while. Yeah, the closing of the eyes doesn't work for this one. Uh, but dang, nice outfit for a serial killer! 

I think that serial killers of today are extremely jealous of the outfits that these guys had. Something tells me. Did you have money? Did you have some good money? No. Not at all. You had medicine and poison. Unsurprisingly.

Okay, well now that I've killed a bad guy, uh, I'm going to end this episode of Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood 2.0. And I will see you... no I won't. I won't see you, and you won't see me, but you will hear me tomorrow. Goodbye.