Previous: Assassin's Creed Brotherhood 2.0 #23
Next: Assassin's Creed Brotherhood 2.0 #25



View count:25,084
Last sync:2022-11-06 20:30
In which Hank heads out into the real world for a while...and it turns out that the real world is unsurprisingly boring.

Okay! I'm back, in Assassia. Assassi-yodel-iciousness.

Okay. I'm not entirely sure what I want to be doing right now, but I've been told several times that I should try to leave the Animus, cause I've heard that cool stuff happens outside of the Animus, which is just crazy to me, cause that's normal world and I live in the normal world, and nothing crazy ever happens in the normal world, so I'm gonna rejoin Lucy, Rebecca, and Dickhead.

And uh, go back to the Infinite Grid.

The Infinite Grid, runnin'' around, the Infinite Grid. I stop, and I start, and I go and I stand and I do (babbling) do do do do do do do do! Infinite Grid. It goes up and down, it's infinite, infinite, I could live my life in the Infinite Grid. It's actually like totally stolen directly from the matrix. The loading screen in the matrix, what do they call that? I completely forgot. I completely forgot what they call the loading screen in the matrix. This is long! That's why I never go back out of the animus because it takes forever geez.

OK. So what are we doing? What are we doing guys? I will turn it up because you can't really hear. (Rebecca/Paige) "Get up slowly." Oh, I'm out of the animus. Out of the animus. Page what are we doing, what's up? (Desmond) "Have you ever killed anyone?" (Rebecca/Paige) "Hello to you too. (Hank laughs) I dated a guy who was an electronics expert around the time the assassins first contacted me." (Desmond) "And?" (Rebecca/Paige) "Now I'm single." Oooooh! (Desmond) "Are you kidding?" (Rebecca/Paige) "Of course I'm kidding! You think I would joke about somebody I actually killed? Death is only funny when it isn't happening in front of you. I should know and that's all I'm going to say about that."

Okay. I guess. Okay, well, I guess--I don't know if Desmond counts as having killed people. Has he ever killed anybody? Checkpoint reached. That didn't really feel like a checkpoint to me. I can talk to you more. Paaaaige.

(Desmond) "I noticed you didn't patch the translation software." (Rebecca/Paige) "Nah, it's still buggy. There's only the occasional glitch in the Italian, but if you hit any German or French, watch out." (Hank laughs) That's hilarious. So they've explained away the fact that sometimes people say things in Italian. But most of the time they don't.

What's up Dickhead? Sup?! (Desmond) "Any theories about that cipher Machiavelli handed me?...Ezio, I mean." (Shaun/Dickhead) "I can't decode it without the key. It's a one-time pad." (Desmond) "What's that?" You can't decode an ANCIENT cipher? 

(Shaun/Dickhead) "It's a cipher with a unique, disposable key. Imagine someone used the first letter of each word in the Declaration of Independence to encipher something. Well without the Declaration itself, you couldn't de-crypt it." (Hank groans).

(Rebecca/Paige) "I could run it through the computer." Seriously, get Paige to do it, yes. (Shaun/Dickhead) "There are some things even a computer can't love, Rebecca. Like love." That's...that's true. Though many have tried. Umm, haa, what's up. What's up. Katie Bell, how you doin'. 

(Desmond) "Any news from the outside?" (Lucy/Katie) "Rebecca's patched in a phone line. The Templars are still guarding the border and Vidic seems to be busy too." Mmkay. (Desmond) "Doing what?" (Lucy/Katie) "From the looks of things, he's using Animus data to train Abstergo operatives." (Desmond) "Meaning?" (Lucy/Katie) "Abstergo's preparing for a full-on assault."

Totally they're making a bunch of assassins with their giant room! Their giant room of scary! Okay, so far, I haven't actually found anything to do. What's up, Katie?

(Desmond) "Weren't you the only Assassin at Abstergo's animus facility? How are you getting data from them?" (Lucy/Katie) "Some old passwords work, but I can't dig very far into the network." She looks very sad right now. They didn't change their passwords? Maybe Gawker, maybe it's cause the Gawker--there was a bunch of Abstergo employees signed into Gawker.

(Desmond) "So Shaun, any lions outside the pride?" (Lucy/Katie) "Who was that girl you were dating, Kate?" (Shaun/Dickhead) "Ahh, yeah. Kate. Katie, Katie, Katie, kitty-cat-Kate." Katie Bell. (Shaun/Dickhead) "Charmed the pants right off her I did." (Hank laughs) (Rebecca/Paige) "Yeah right. I know for a fact you didn't even get to second base." (Shaun/Dickhead) "Oh, d-did you...wh-wh-what?" (Rebecca/Paige) "We had lunch." Oh, he's having a hard time. (Shaun/Dickhead) "You had lunch, with Kate?" (Rebecca/Paige) "Whatever, I got work to do." (Hank laughs.) 

Well, it's good to know that you're not perfect at everything, Dickhead. Okay. I can, okay, well I mean talking to my friends is great and everything, but, oh. (Lucy/Katie) "Make sure you're back before dawn. There's an earpiece and a watch..." Okay. Okay. (Desmond) "These?" (Lucy/Katie) "Yes, take them with you."

All right. Mission time! Real-world mission! What the-what is there to do here? I'm in some abandoned Italian town! What am I gonna be doing? Looking...oh. I don't have much time. Don't have much time at all. Dawn is not long. It's apparently--dawn is always ten minutes away. That makes perfect sense. Wha-what am I doing? This is weird. Um, oops. Um...what's the point of me being here? I don't understand. Somebo--people told me that this, it was a good idea to come here, but I think that it is looking boring. What am I- I can climb the stained glass. Jump! 

Okay, this doesn't actually...ooh, Coke bottles. Probably not actually Coke bottles. This does not seem to be doing me any good at all. I was like, two feet off the ground, climbing around like a dumbass. Jump right onto this trashcan..what am I doing? This is--WAH! I wanna see some people. Apparently it's right before dawn so there's no people around. Are you gonna--is somebody gonna say something to me in my earpiece? Because that would make things more interesting. 

Um, so, yeah. Project for Awesome's coming up. Hopefully I'll upload this before the Project for Awesome so that will make sense. But it has been a logical thing, man, getting all of it worked out. I had no idea the Project for Awesome would ever become so complicated, and it's still awesome! Don't worry about that! But it is harder than I expected.

Do I like--what happens if I'm out after dawn? Bad stuff? Bad stuff happens? Um. Yeah. But it's gonna be great. I'm very excited. Um. I'm kind of annoyed that I have to go to Los Angeles, I never, I never like, travel. Um. Too much. Because traveling is a pain in the butt.

Oh, I'm back. I'm back, I did a loop. I (laughs) I totally did a loop. Oh, well. At least that shows that..apparently..oh my god. How much time am I gonna spend doing this? I have...what am I doing? Doesn't seem like there's much to do here! Nope! Jump off of stuff and walk around in modern day--what is that? Is that? That looks somewhat...oh, those are lights. Those are just lights in a broken down tower.

(Hank sighs) That's not interesting at all. And they've trapped me in this place. Cause there's gates, of course, it's a fucking city with gates. I hurt myself. Can I get a motorcycle? That would be awesome. (Hank groans) This is a gate, there's a gate that goes out. And it has information on it, it says "This gate is closed to cars after 12AM." Also closed to people. "To ensure the tranquility of our town. Remember your visit to Monteriggioni! Professional photographs are only 6 euro!" 

Okay. Um...I'm sure that there are going to be EIGHT MILLION PEOPLE in the comments being like "Hank, you're doing it wrong! You're doing it--" But how am I supposed to--how am I supposed to know what I'm doing right and wrong, eh? Don't give me all that...beat. (Imitating commenters) "Haaaank, why are you doing that, you should be doing another thing! You should've come to the city to do something else!" And I'm like, how do I know. How do I know. And you're always like, "Look at the screen, the screen's telling you what to do!" And I'm like, yeah, I guess the screen's telling me what to do, but I'm trying to--kill people, and talk, at the same time, it's hard to read the screen when you're killing people and talking at the same time. 

Um, uhh, where am I, what is going on? Good job, Desmond, that was a good jump. I can't get onto the wall, of course, because that would mean that I would be able to leave the city. Well. There's no map, I can't look at the map, so there's nothing on the map to go to. (Hank groans) My goodness, what a waste of a day. Waste of five minutes of my life already. All walled off. Can't get out of the city. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to go...even the little place that we jumped off of before, has been repaired, so you can't jump off of it now. That makes perfect sense. 

Mmkay, well, this was a waste of time. Intense waste of time. But wait, what is going on? I'm in the--oh, I'm back downstairs. Okay. Well. Um. So let me know in the comments what I was supposed to do there. (Lucy/Katie) "We have work to do." Oh. Now you don't even want to talk. (Rebecca/Paige) "Gotta stay with the code." Gotta stay with the code! Very busy! (Shaun/Dickhead) "You know I love talking about this stuff Desmond, but we have work to do now." 

Okay, I don't know what's going on. Um, I am pressing any button. I'm pushing any button, but it won't...hello? What the-fuh-dih (Hank babbles) yup, I... (Rebecca/Paige) "Ready when you are." Okay. I'm ready.

And um, thus, staring into Paige Railstone's face, I end this episode of Assassin's Creed:Brotherhood 2.0 with Hank Green. Um, thank you, uh, for hanging out with me, now I'm in my infinite grid. It's a lovely infinite grid. And um, next time I promise I will actually do something. So uh, tell me in the comments what I was supposed to do in that world, or maybe I will get new missions now that I am back here. But it seemed as if, uh, nothing interesting at all happened. When I did that. But, I could be wrong. Uh, if you play this game, tell me if I did something important just now. And, uh, you'll see me, no you won't. I will No. You won't. But you will hear me, next time on Assassin's Creed:Brotherhood 2.0. Good-bye.