Hello.

I'm not John! John’s punishment was to do five videos in five days but unfortunately it looks like he’s not going to be able to do that because of something. Something that I’m not going to tell you about right now.

I don’t know if you know this but I actually have a version of Question Tuesdays as well. It’s when I answer one of your questions in a very long-winded fashion and then I ask you like twelve questions. It’s little known because we’ve never actually done it.

But that’s what I do instead of Question Tuesdays. So I’m going to start with the most frequently asked question I receive: Dude how many chocolate flavored espresso beans did you eat today? That’s probably the question that I get the most often.

The answer to that question in every single one of my videos has been none. In fact, I pretty religiously avoid caffeine. Because as you can imagine the effects on a guy like me, might be a little bit dangerous.

But in order to show you what that’s like, I have here a shot of espresso with some milk and some water and some sugar which is how I like it. I love the taste of coffee I just don’t like caffeine. And I’m going to drink it.

And you’re going to see what happens. How long does it take for caffeine to hit? Uhhh Google?

About 5 minutes with uh peak effects at 30 minutes. So I should be feeling it soon. Do do do do doo...

I have not yet started to feel the effects of the coffee. Maybe I have. It’s like a little British rap.

In the meantime let’s talk about why John isn’t here. Unfortunately John has spent most of the day in the Doggie Hospital. Ooooh not the Doggie hospital!

Willy is ok. Don’t worry. But Willy is also um adorably injured.

This is probably the most adorable broken foot that you’ve even seen. Here it is. Oh my God.

So that’s why John is excused. Because his puppy has a peg leg. Just a question of John, can you get an eye patch and maybe a parrot?

An eye patch at the very least for tomorrow’s video, uh, I want to see an eye patch in addition to the peg leg. Because while you know I’m definitely on Team Ninja, a pirate puppy would be pretty awesome. So let’s start with cute.

Yeah that’s cute. But give it a peg leg. Yeah.

Yeah. Now an eye patch. YES!

So while we’re waiting for the caffeine to effect now comes the part of the video--Wow the caffeine has taken effect. Now comes the part of the video where I ask you questions. Ok.

Ok. Resisting urge to bawk like a chicken. So since Michigan I’ve been having this problem.

I can’t stop thinking about the difference between mono- and uni-. They’re both Latin prefixes for the same thing. Why are there just monoversities and monotards.

No he’s monotonous no unitonous. How come nobody every dies of carbon unoxide poisoning? Another thing with Latin is why is trivia tri-vi-a?

That’s like three streets. Three street pursuit. Also I’ve been wondering if there are more murders on TV or in real life.

If anybody could let me know, um excluding wars are there more murders on TV or in real life? Why do I want to bawk like a chicken? Gah!

Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-when-when –when like I go through airport security and I like forget my change that I put in the little thingy, what happens to that? Do the people just take it or like does it go to the U. S.

Treasury? Four times I’ve gone through and like left you know thirty-five cents. And you know that’s not a big deal for me but I kinda want to know what happens to that money.

Maybe there should be-I think there should be- I think there should be a tip jar for transportation security people because that job sucks! I don’t want to bawk like a chicken! Hmmm!!

Can you do anagrams in Math? If anybody knows any way to incorporate anagrams into math I would really like to know about that. I wanna know if evil people have pets.

Like does-did Hilter have a pet or like Stalin? If you know about evil peoples pets let me know. (Bawks like a chicken) Do you want a copy of Paper Towns because in this video I actually get to give one away this is the first time I’ve got to give one away so I get to give one away. ONE LUCKY RANDOM COMMENTER WILL RECEIVE ONE!!

AHHHHHHHHH- There’s too much energy in me! What the freak is up with an iota? What is an iota?

Why is there only one? Why could you never have two iotas? I don’t care one iota.

WHAT THE FREAK DOES THAT MEAN? If you have answers to any questions at all including the ones I just asked but also including all the questions in the world leave them in the comments I appreciate it thank you. John I’ll see you tomorrow.