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In which John completes his first of two Question Tuesdays this week (albeit without answering many questions) and discusses the love youtube's male users apparently feel for giraffe sex.


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A Bunny
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Good morning Hank. It's question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from real nerdfighters.


What's you favorite band?

I don't know probably rubber. Oh wait you mean musical band. I've said it before and I'll say it again The Mountain Goats are so jokes.

Favorite Vonnegut novel?

Mother Night.

Favorite Toni Morrison book?

Song of Solomon.

How does Steinbeck's In Dubious Battle relate to the average teenager's life?

Well I guess it doesn't in any literal way but I don't agree with the notion that you have to be able to directly identify with characters in order to enjoy a book. But what In Dubious Battle is really about is group psychology which is certainly important to teenagers and it's also about the relationship between the machine and it's cogs which is something you are just figuring out when you are a teenager. I mean, not to sound like a cranky old man, but I think we have to get past the idea that art is something that's supposed to be merely pleasurable.

Edward or Jacob?

Here's the thing about Edward Cullen by the way I'm getting ready for thousands of teen girls to throw rocks at me. Edward is a very beautiful but very empty vessel in to which we can stuff all our hopes and aspirations and believe me I understand that people who are primarily ideas are a lot more attractive than people who are primarily people. But I have to say in my experience being in love with a person who is mostly an idea is not really a sustainable situation. All of which is to say, and nerdfighters please forgive me, Jacob.

What's the key becoming a popular video blogger on YouTube?

YouTube just released this really interesting feature which allows you to see the demographics of your channel and one of the things we've learned when we've looked at the demographics is that nerdfighters are extremely loyal. I think the reason for this is that nerdfighting isn't something that you watch us do it's something we all do together. The other thing that we learned is that out of our 296 videos 294 of them have been watched by more women than men. The two exceptions both feature giraffe sex as the center screen shot really? Men of YouTube you are freaking me out! Please explain to me in comments what it is that fascinates you about giraffes who love giraffes. So yeah if you want to become marginally popular on YouTube and help create a community that you feel really strongly about that's composed entirely of awesome then building a truly collaborative community is the way to go. If you want boys to watch you I supposed the solution is giraffe sex.

What would you like your last words to be?

I've always felt that romantic last words are almost without exception really lame. The only exception I can think of is W.C. Fields' last words were "Gosh, darn the whole freaking world and everyone in it but you Carlotta" Except he didn't say gosh darn and he didn't say freaking but even these aren't that romantic when you consider the fact that Carlotta wasn't his wife she was his mistress. All that said, if I had the chance to say one last thing, I'd probably tell the Yeti I love her.

How long have you and The Yeti been married?

Two years today. by the way Hank and Katherine thanks for the sustainably farmed and beautiful flowers.

Have you ever been really jealous of Hank?

No. I mean sure he has eight of our nine most viewed videos but I don't take that personally. I mean, that's not a reflection on me that's just a reflection on how great Hank is.

By the way who the eff is Hank?

Hank is a tiny yellow song bird said to represent the soul of France. Hank has an important but as of yet undetermined role in the omnictionary project.

If you could choose between getting a million dollars and going back in time and punching Hitler in the face, what would you choose?

Hmm... all right first I would take the time machine, I would go back in time, I would kidnap evil baby Hitler and I would put him in the evil baby orphanage in Tibet. Then I'd do the same thing with Evil Baby Stalin, Evil Baby Idi Amin, Evil Baby Vlad the Impaler, Evil Baby Lady Elizabeth Báthory, Evil Baby Queen Ranavalona the first. Then once we had a really solid class at the Evil Baby Orphanage I would sell the time machine and I'd get like 30 million dollars and I'd be able to fund the Evil Baby Orphanage plus I'd be rich. But wait a second what if the guy I sold the time machine to went back in time to the moment I created the time machine before I got all the evil babies and he killed me and stole the time machine. I mean then we'd have a Schrodinger's cat situation. I would be both alive and dead and Evil Baby Hitler would live both in 19th century Austria and in 21st Century Tibet. Oh my God that's our premise. Hank I think the relationship between history and the Evil Baby Orphanage may have finally been solved. The reason we need the Evil Baby Orphanage is because the second incarnation of Baby Hitler is still in the world and could still wreak havoc even though the first incarnation of Evil Baby Hitler also existed. Great Scott we've got it. Nerdfighters still one Question Tuesday to go this week and remember I'm giving away a copy of Paper Towns every single day to a random commenter so please leave your questions in comments.

Hank, you'll see me tomorrow.