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In which Hank Green kills a lot of Frenchmen and then discovers a magical sword. Sorry about the audio problem yesterday, and about having to cut the video off so quickly.

 (00:00) to (02:00)

Here I am, I'm back. Last time on Hank Green plays Assassins Creed: Brotherhood 2.0, I climbed to the top of this coliseum, which was freaking awesome. I loved doing it. Every second of it, it was beautiful, and it's still beautiful; look at this amazing place. I can't wait until...

Oh. I'm in a hay. Okay, can I jump off of you? Hello? Anywhere? Can I... Can I hit that? Can I hit that? Nope! Nope! I FAIL DEATH FAIL! How do I... ? death. I thought I was gonna land in that hay bale. Gotta wait for the pigeon ledges. I did not have a pigeon ledge. You may have noticed. Woo! That was a death. Okay. Uh... yes.

(sings) Infinite grid of pink and blue fail, pink and blue is the color of my fail.

(speaking) Okay. Oh, you made me come back up here? But I don't want to spend time climbing down the coliseum. ( ?That's quite a way to stay in shape. Whew!) Hahahaha very funny, sir. 

Hello, pigeons? I need the pigeons! Ugh, pigeoooons. Where are you? (?That's quite a way to stay in shape. Whew!) Oh, that's the second guy who's made that same joke. Oh wow.

That hurt, that hurt, but it was worth it. It was worth it. Kitty bag. It's not a bag! It's a vase! I have no idea.

There we go. Now I'm down. I'm DOWN. I'm down with Ezio. Gimme your horse, gimme your horse. Where are you? There you are. Hello beautiful, black beauty. ? 

We're gonna run into each other, but I ain't chicken. Playing chicken with a guard: never a good idea. Okay. Umm... yes. And then before that, I was on a ridiculously awesome, uh, contraption that Leonardo created for me, but I didn't even use it very long, 'cause I had to destroy it, which is how I...

 (02:00) to (04:00)

I always destroy Leonardo's marvelous toys. And... it's very sad. He's like a... he's totally like, like my, uh, my Q from 007. 

I dunno where I'm going, I dunno where I'm going. I should check and see if there's a tunnel... around... I'm, ? I'm not, I'm very close to where I'm going, okay.

So I'm going to the exclamation point because as I have, uh, as I have indicated in the past, it's the only thing that makes me feel anymore. And.. uh... So, yeah, I'm gonna... WHOOP! Hop off the back of my horse and climb this thing! *sings* doo doo doodaloo!

Oh, I coulda just taken my horse right up here, but oh well. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter! Here I am, at...

Ooh hello! (man on screen: Who goes there?) It's me, Ezio! (man on screen: I was expecting my wife.) *laughs* That's a funny joke. (man on screen: The French puttane have us under pressure.) Puttane... (Ezio: Tell me about their general, this Baron de Velois.) Ooh, nice name. (man on screen: Cesare persuaded King Louis to lend him an entire army to defeat me. I'm flattered.) Well, we can handle an army. (man on screen: We have them in retreat.) Nice, well done.

Ooh, jeez. (man on screen: The situation is under control.) Well, we almost got shot. (man on screen: Bene. So maybe I could use a little help.) I will help. I have my own little assassin army... Prevent the French troops from seizing the barracks by lowering the three gates. ?Leading in... That does not, that does not sound like as much fun as I thought it was going to be. I thought I was gonna get to kill a bunch of Frenchies. Turns out, I have to lower gates.

Uh, ooh, aah, ooh, hey there, buddies. What should I use, this one? This one's my favorite. (man on screen: Ezio, shut the gates!) Okay, I've been knocked over!

 (04:00) to (06:00)

Okay. I have to kill these three guys really quick. Or four, or eight, or nine, or eleven, or twenty five. How many people do I... Oh jeez. They just don't stop comin'. 


Okay, okay. I see, I see, I see. I get it, I get it. My job is not to kill Frenchies.

Oh, god. How do I... Okay. You die, apparently now I'm using this thing. I don't know why, because it's so slow, and my frickin' bone dagger is freaking awesome.

Ow! Wait, why am I using my hands? What the frick? Now I've got this guy's sword...

Oh, pfft. Do it, do it, do it, jeez! Okay. B! B, b, b! Faster, Ezio, Jesus Lord, that took too long! Okay. Okay, there's another one over here, which is for some reason, unguarded.

Noooo! Not what I want! Okay, let's use a weapon this time! Let go, Ezio! Jesus Christ!

In the neck! And then death, okay. Oh no, not more of you! C'mon, b, b, b, don't interrupt me while I close the gate! Okay. Don't, I don't need to talk to you.

Don't hit me, I got it, I'm on it. Okay, why was that so hard to do? Did that, like, fall on someone? No, it managed to stop those guys from getting in, though, that's great. You're, you're hurt.

 (06:00) to (08:00)

Ohhhhhh! Nice death! Oh, I stepped on a guy's nuts.

Oh, I'm so good at this. I'm so much better at this than that guy is. Okay. Um, what are we doing now? I feel like we're done. (6:25)

Hi guys, what's up? Do I need to kill you too?

(soldier: The Baron de Valois signals from the field!) I was going to kill them. (6:36)

(de Valois: Êtes-vous prêt à rendre? )No, I closed my gates! You got nothin' on me now! 

(de Valois: You must learn how to speak French. It would mask your barbaric sensibilities.) What about your barbaric moustache?

(Bartolomeo: I would instruct you in fighting, since you seem to do so little of it!) There's four of us, and we just killed eight million of your guys.

(de Valois: I'd like your unconditional surrender before sunrise.) Nope, not gonna happen.

(Bartolomeo: My lady Bianca will whisper it in your ear.) That's, that's funny.

(de Valois: I believe another lady might object to that.) Who's that, who's that, who's that.

(Bartolomeo's wife: Mio marito vi ammazzerà tutti! ) Oh, no, is that his wife?

(Bartolomeo: I will kill you, fottuto francese! ) Oh ho ho. Nice. The subtitles make this much more entertaining.

(de Valois: Enter my camp unarmed at dawn.) I'll enter your camp unarmed at dawn. I'll do your mom unarmed at dawn. (7:35)

That was actually kinda dirty, sorry. You know, you just put your mom in, and sometimes, it ends up to be quite dirty. I wish... Follow Bartolo.-I need this horse. Which, wha.. wait wait wait wait where's he going. I dunno where he's going. Okay, there's.. I'm runnin' into a little thing. Oh wow. 

 (08:00) to (10:00)

That was really badly done. Okay, okay. This is my guy. We're following, we're doing it. Okay. His horse is trample-y too. I have those ? We're going slow. This is a slow horse, but, uh, I'm okay with it. (8:13)

*singing* Where, where are we going? *speaking* I, I don't know, I didn't catch what the plan was? Are we entering his camp armed right now? No, this is, this is not his camp. Excuse me. Chicken! (8:28)

Chicken chicken chickeeen. *clucks like a chicken* Exactly. There was no subtitles. (8:37)

(Bartolomeo: ... go hide inside a fortress!) No.

(Bartolomeo: Nothing hangs between your thighs.) *laughs*

(Bartolomeo: ... it reaches into the maledetto inferno! ) Oh, wow. Wow. That was... That was an... That's the kind of insultion, insults I want to see in YouTube comments (8:59).

(Ezio: Call your men back to the barracks. I will explain there.) Trojan horse!

(Bartolomeo: You better have something good. Fall back!) Are you gonna Trojan horse his ass? (9:27)

We're gonna Trojan Horse his ass. There's nothing between your legs; in fact, there is a hole there so deep it reaches into the underworld!

Take that. Shakespeare couldn't have said it better. Where did you come from? Out of a wall? What the frick. (9:47)

Whoa, there's ten thousand dollars in my bank vault.

Do your horsey thing. *imitates hoof beats* You're not gonna jump over that? (10:01)

 (10:00) to (12:00)

That's lame. That was a little fence. Okay. Ummm... I, I, you made me walk back to the barracks? Why did... Everybody else just went back to the barracks, why did I have to ride a horse. (10:15)

Hi everybody? Hello? Hello? (? - 10:21) 

Okay. I can make some assassin plots while, well maybe, I'll need my, I might need my assassins, so I wanna, I'm gonna keep them. Okay. B to interact! I should have looted all of those guys I killed to get more bullets and health potion. Crossbow bolts. (10:41)

(Bartolomeo: So, you have a plan.) Trojan horse. 

(Ezio: Then we need to liberate several suits of French armor.) Ah! (Ezio: At dawn, we are going to walk right in.) I see it. I, I was more or less right. We're not bearing gifts, we're just pretending. (11:07)

(Bartolomeo: Make sure to kill them without a fight. The armor has to stay clean.) Yes, sir. I will not be... *attempting a French accent* Orchestrate the plan to fool the Baron de Velois with assassinate, by assassinating 20 French soldiers in the Roman ruins, allowing Bartolomeo's men to steal their armor. (11:35)

*normal voice* Okay. *attempting a French accent* Okay. *normal voice* That was my French accent. It's horrible. Uh, wow. That's a lot of French soldiers to kill. They're all over the place, too. Where's a gate? Here's one. Gettin' outside is important. Are they gonna, like, are they on the map? (12:00)

 (12:00) to (14:00)

'Cause I want to actually know which one is closer to me. Twenty! I guess these are groups. This one is closest. 

Nope, I was going the right direction. Okay. 

(12:15) Ummm... Yeah I guess they're in groups. WHOA *laughs* Ah, it was a cliff! I think I can jump off this, and then swim across this. That's my shortcut, probably not actually a shortcut. Probably not. 

(12:38) Who keeps these things, these awesome jumpy things in, uh, in, in repair, you know? Who... Okay.

(12:57) God, how did you see me already? You're gonna... did that work? Here they come. 

(13:22) Soldiers killed: one. Uhh... without a fight. Does this count? Ugh. Nope, that didn't count. 

(13:42) Nice! That's seven... Aha... Did I just stab my own friend? 

Eight, good. AGH. (13:58)

 (14:00) to (14:53)

(14:02) Ten. My assassins are awesome. (Female assassin: Requiescat in pace.) *whispering* Requiescat in pace. *normal voice* This guy's got a sweeeeet suit of armor! Crossbow bolts, two! That's what I like to see! I need my bolts!

(14:23) Well, that went really well, actually. That sword... appears to be... standing... on its end. That... was a neat trick to pull off right before you died, man. Put your sword down in a way that it will not fall over, that was, that's pretty cool. 

(14:43) Oh wow, this, this video's now, this video's now too long. Uh, um... *speaking quickly* You will not see me and I will not see you, but you will hear me next time on Hank Green plays Assassin's Creed:Brotherhood 2.0. Goodbye.