50 Jokes (Yes...actually 50 jokes)
Gnyahhhh. Widescreen! Look at this. Yahhhhh.

[Intro]

This video is composed of 50 jokes from nerdfighters like you.

Two drums and a cymbal walk off a cliff
-Ba dum tss!

Billy was a chemist’s son, but now he is no more. What he thought was H₂O was H₂SO₄. Hey!

There are two muffins in an oven. One says, “Man, it is hot in here.” And the other one says, “Holy crap! A talking muffin!”

A child comes up to his dad and asks, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?”
“God is both.”
“Is God black or white?”
“God is both.”
“Is God Michael Jackson?”

What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
-Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson is f**king crazy!

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
-To stomp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
-To stomp out the burning ducks.

How do you kill an elephant?
-?
With an elephant gun. How do you kill a blue elephant?
-With an elephant gun?
With a BLUE elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant.
-With a red elephant gun?
No...you choke it until it turns blue and then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a purple elephant?
-You choke it until it turns blue and then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Oh my God, there is no such thing as a purple elephant.

Why is six so afraid of seven?
-Uh, because seven ate nine.

What’s brown and sticky?
-A stick.

What do Christmas and a cat in the desert have in common?
-Sandy claws.

Does Snoop Dogg ever need an umbrella?
-Fo’ drizzle!

There are 0000 0010 types of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don’t.

Man, it smells like up dog in here!
-What’s up dog?
Nothing. What about you?

The square root of negative one and pi are having an argument. After much discussion, the square root of negative one shouts at pi, “Please, would you just be rational?!” Pi responds, “Ugh, get real.”

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
-A buck an ear.

What did the pirate say when he got a steering wheel stuck down his pants?
-”Arrg! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

A kid dressed like a pirate for Halloween knocks on this lady’s door.
“Oh aren’t you a cute little pirate but where are your buccaneers?”
“Under my buckin’ hat!”

So there’s this pirate and he’s walking around and he’s wearing a paper towel for a hat. And so I ask him, “What’s with the paper towel?”
-”Arr, I got a bounty on me head.”

Why couldn’t the little pirate go to see the movie?
-Because it had too much booty. And was rated “Arr.”

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
-Because they could spend years at C.

Why don’t dinosaurs talk?
-Because they’re DEAD!

How do you make a handkerchief dance?
-You put a little boogie in it.

How to avoid bad knock-knock jokes:
“Knock knock.”
“Uh...come in!”

What do politicians and sperm have in common?
-About one in every 500 or 600 million have a chance at becoming a human.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey! We got a drink named after you!” The grasshopper says, “Uh, you got a drink named Larry?”

One atom says to the other atom, “Holy crap! I just lost an electron!”
-”Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive!”

Why’d the monkey fall out of the tree?
-Because it was DEAD!
But why’d the second monkey fall out of the tree?
-Because it was stapled to the first monkey!
But why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
-P-peer pressure.

I wish to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not panicking, like his passengers.

Did you hear about that guy who got the entire left side of his body cut off?
-Yeah, but he’s all right now.

What is the relationship between a pumpkin’s circumference and it’s radius?
-Pumpkin pi.

Why don’t oysters give to charity?
-Well, because they’re shellfish.

What are the two dirtiest animals in the farmyard?
-Brown chicken, brown cow.
(I don’t believe I just did that.)

Where does the king keep his armies?
-In his sleevies.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
-Fish.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
-Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

What did the bear say to the other bear when they finished eating the clown?
-"Did he taste funny to you?”

What do you get when you mix an agnostic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac?
-A dude who sits up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

What do you call a female sex change?
-An addadictomy.
What do you call a male sex change?
-A lopitoffamy

Two fish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other fish, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

What kind of cheese just isn’t yours?
-Nacho cheese!

Why is the math book so sad?
-It had a lot of problems.

What is the difference between a writer and a park bench?
-A park bench can support a family.

John, just kidding. That was 50 Jokes. I’ll see you later. Leave your favorite jokes in the comments; I kinda wanna make another one of these.