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Last sync:2023-01-18 03:45
In which John discusses potential punishments for Hank.


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A Bunny
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Good morning, Hank.

It's Thursday, December 20th, and today's video comes in four very special parts. One: your song. I liked it.

Although it did kinda make me sad, it also made me really proud of you because I realized that you have completed the song challenge. And not to toot our horns, but we've also almost completed the project that is Brotherhood 2.0, and I have to say, Hank, I'm really impressed with us because you know my record of completing things that I set out to do...not so great. I mean, like the sprawling young adult novel about eco terrorists living on pacific island: never completed.

My promise to weigh ten pounds less on January 1st 2008 than I weighed on January 1st 2007: not completed. Although I still have 11 days to lose 8 pounds. Look, Hank, yummy makes your tongue green.

I mean honestly, Hank, all I can do is eat healthy and hope that the weight comes off, you know? Getting Hank and Katherine their Christmas presents before Christmas? Not completed.

Oh, that reminds me! Part two: your Christmas presents. Hey, Hank, uh, your Christmas presents might not arrive by Christmas.

Now, Hank, I bought them before Christmas, so I don't even really think this is my fault. I think it's much more the fault of the United States Postal Service who -- and this was a surprise to me -- has not yet invented a machine that will allow a package to go from one place to another place instantly. I mean, Hank, we can beam Captain Kirk across the universe, but we can't send a package from Indiana to Montana?

We can't beam Captain Kirk across the universe, really? I mean they did it. Did you guys never see those documentaries?

Part Three: your punishment. Hank, it's no secret that nerdfighters get a little blood thirsty around punishment time. I'm referring specifically to the young person who said that we should make you cry ten thousand tears and then boil those ten thousand tears and cook you in them.

So, before I talk about your actual punishment options, I want to talk about some of the punishments that nerdfighters suggested that I had to dismiss. "Hank should have to release a squirrel or another rodent that won't hurt him into his undergarments!" I'm troubled by the fact that someone somewhere believes that it would not be harmful to release a squirrel into one's undergarments. I mean, I think it would be triply harmful. It would be harmful to the person, it would be harmful to the squirrel, and, perhaps most of all, it would be harmful to the undergarments.

WhatTheBuck says is that he should have to watch Ashley Tisdale's YouTube channel. Gosh, Buck, he just textually communicated with me, it's not like he killed a man. "Hank should have to consume an entire blenderized hummer." That's an excellent punishment idea because it would require the purchase of a hummer, and we all know that the only think Hank hates more than fuel inefficiency is spending money. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt that eating more than a thousand pounds of steel and plastic and leather might be harmful to Hank's health, particularly considering that there's only eleven days left in Brotherhood 2.0, so he'd have to average like a hundred pounds a day. "I think Hank should have to purchase an Easter bunny costume and then get into a Battle Royale with the nearest shopping mall Santa." That's an excellent punishment, but it might lead to the premature end to Brotherhood 2.0 because I don't know if you're able to vlog from prison. "Make him eat a penguin!" Now obviously that's much more a punishment for the penguin than it is for Hank, and the penguin didn't do anything wrong.

I think the punishment would be to make a penguin eat Hank. But I think ultimately having a penguin eat Hank is too harsh of a punishment for the crime. I mean it's not watching Ashley Tisdale's YouTube channel harsh, but it's harsh.

Hank, as for your actual punishment, I have settled on two suggestions. The nerdfighters will vote for their favorite between the two and then you will have to do that punishment. Option one, you will eat a blenderized Christmas meal.

This meal will include, at the very least, Christmas ham, egg nog and Christmas cookies. Option two, you will give a live performance of nerdfighting songs in a public place. The concert will last for at least one hour, and you will accept donations which will be given to charities that decrease world suck.

Also, if at any point you need to drink anything to wet your whistle while performing, you can only drink peeps blended with strawberry hill. Nerdfighters, to vote leave a comment, for your preferred punishment. Part Four: The Scavenger Hunt!

Today's clue is going to lead to three numbers on three separate continents, but it all starts here, in the UK. And remember scavenger hunters, phone calls are now strictly against the rules. Hank, thanks again for all those great songs.

I'll see you tomorrow.