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Duration:16:13
Uploaded:2019-12-12
Last sync:2019-12-12 01:30
I got to visit WattsTheSafeword in San Francisco and ask them some of the BDSM-related questions left in the comments from the last Ask Lindsey episode. Big thanks to Amp and Kristofer for sharing their experiences and knowledge with me. I enjoyed myself thoroughly and learned some things too!
Please check out their channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCokRyLsHxh-NykvT4uA6n2g/videos

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 (00:00) to (02:00)


(Intro)

Lindsey: Welcome to Sexplanations, I'm Dr. Lindsey Doe, clinical sexologist.  

Mr. Kristofer: I'm Mr. Kristofer, a professional daddy.

Amp: And I'm Amp.  Puppy.  

L: These two host an amazing show called WattstheSafeword, which I plug all the time because they cover a lot of topics which I don't always reach out to.  Today, I'm bringing them to Sexplanations to answer four of your BDSM/kinky questions.  Ready?

Mr. K: She lured us in with a puppy.

L: Yeah.  

Mr. K: This is a real puppy, a bio-puppy.

A: Hi, you're so cute.

L: A real puppy.  

A: You're so cute and tentative and you don't trust me whatsoever but you're being very awesome.

Mr. K: It's awesome.

A: I mean, yes, I'm very ready.  

L: Okay, so first, tell them a little bit more about pro daddy and puppy.

Mr. K: Pro Daddy, I don't know if I'm really pro daddy, I'm just known as Amp's daddy on WattstheSafeword.  

A: Like a casual daddy.

Mr. K: I'm a--yeah, I'm a casual pro.

A: Like a cool mom, but daddy.  

Mr. K: But would a cool daddy say he was a cool daddy?

A: Yes.  

Mr. K: Yeah, like it'd come up.

L: Okay.

A: I don't know that you answered the question.  

L: The two of you have a relationship.  

Mr. K: Yes.

L: Where the dynamic is persona of daddy, who is a lover/partner to a persona of puppy.

A: Who is a submissive, not as dominant, but just as aggresive, partner.

Mr. K: We practice solo polyamory, so it's not boyfriend or that kind of one-on-one relationship.  We both have our own lives and we enjoy it and we're there to support each other.

A: But about what we do and how we do it, we have our own YouTube channel where we talk about these different dynamics that can exist within the kink and BDSM realm, but we do so in a fun, somewhat crazy at times, approachable way, and we're never monetized, so.  That's not surprising, though.

L: Patreon.com/WattstheSafeword.  

A: Correct.

L: Have you ever had to explain that?

A: What?

L: Your dynamic.

Mr. K: Not lately.  

A: We've done it before, but we don't do it tons because a lot of people are either jump into it and they're like, wait, is that his actual dad, oh, no, it's not, and then they get it. 

L: Can all body types enjoy urethral sounding?  

 (02:00) to (04:00)


A: Yes.  Regardless of amab or afab, regardless of what your body is experiencing, whether you have a prostate or not, you can enjoy urethral sounding whether it's stimulating up here, 'cause some people are super super turned on by that whole dynamic of sounding up here and down there, or you just enjoy the pleasure down there.  I think that every kind of body and person can enjoy that to a certain degree.  For me, I'm absolutely, like--

Mr. K: Oh, he would never.

A: Ooh, it's a, like, I don't do needles well.  I don't do blood drawing well, and so sounding is that same sensation where like, something is going into my body that I'm not really okay with and it makes me super uncomfortable and I have nothing but love for people who enjoy it, but I'm just like, it makes me tense up, which is not a fun pleasurable feeling.  

L: Okay, so can one of you two tell them what sounding is?

Mr. K: So sounding is when you take a medical grade metal rod--

A: Or silicone.

Mr. K: Yes, and then with the proper lube, you go down the urethra.  

L: I'm enjoying this, like, that looks good.

Mr. K: So I've done it, I've done it a lot on males and what's interesting about it is that you can, with the right instrument, get in there and touch inside and make them orgasm.

L: Tickle the prostate.  

Mr. K: Tickle the prostate.   

L: Massage the prostate.

Mr. K: Yes.  

A: Fun.

Mr. K: And so--yeah.

L: So do you like it?

Mr. K: I do.  I do in context, like if it's during a scene and it's being done to me and it's kind of against my will, 'cause I like slave/master power exchange.

A: Power exchange.

Mr. K: I like it.  I actually don't know if I like the sensation of my prostate being hit, 'cause it feels like I have to pee over and over, and I'm not sure that I get enjoyment out of that, but I do, so I guess I do, but I don't know if I do.  Does that make sense?

L: I haven't done and I don't have any knowledge or experience of people with a vulva and sounding. 

Mr. K: Doing it, yeah. 

 (04:00) to (06:00)


Stay curious!  

Mr. K: It's a great question.

L: We have videos of it right there.

Mr. K: I don't know.  That's a good one.  

L: Okay, next question.  How can I tell my girl I'm kinda or kinda like scat?  

Mr. K: You're kind of into scat.

L: Yeah.  

Mr. K: Okay.

A: Latest episode!  It'd be like, hey, that was me.  

Mr. K: Well, scat is someone who enjoys defecating on someone.

L: Poop play.

Mr. K: Poop play.

A:  Correct.

Mr. K: Poop, which not a lot of people are into, but actually, a lot of people are, but they'd never admit it.

L: A lot and not a lot.

A: There is a societal like, taboo around the things that come out of your body.

Mr. K: 'Cause it's dirty.

A: So like, yeah, so like poop and urine are two taboos that a lot of people just can't get into because it's--

Siri: I'm not sure I understand.  

A: Ooh, Siri included is very very confused by scat play.

Mr. K: Siri is very confused.  So Siri, this is what scat play is.  So how would you introduce it to your partner?  Slowly.  So, like, any kink that you're exploring and you want to bring your partner on board, make it fun and interesting and don't overwhelm them right off.

A: Yeah.  Don't make it you have to do this, because I need it and it's something you have to do.

Mr. K: Right.

A: It's something you get to do with me because I enjoy it and I trust you enough to do that, but at the same time, there are ways to simulate or do scat play in such a way that is a bit more manageable.  So I know that some people can do like, sulfur or charcoal pills will actually make that kind of bowel movement easier to manage and there's also a segment of the ABDL community, the adult baby diaper lovers, that are into diapers that will actually put, like, a banana enema up their back end to have a simulated bowel movement and that can be a way that not only gives you some potassium, but that allows you to experience that sensation without actually having poop.

Mr. K: I was gonna say more incorporate dirty talk when you're at the heightened sense of arousal.

A: Oh, totally, get some role play in there.

Mr. K: And introduce the topic slowly while you're aroused, both of you are aroused, and that's interesting, too.

L: Shit on me.

 (06:00) to (08:00)


Mr. K: Is that the--right when they're about to come.

L: I'm happy to model it for you.

Mr. K: Shit on me.  I would do anything for you.  

L: I think the person who asked this question also wrote in that he'll go down on his partner and kind of linger, hoping maybe that the person will fart or like, have to poop or something.

Mr. K: I was gonna say, farting is actually good introductory, because people, society has taught that we're supposed to be embarrassed of such things as farting and close the bathroom door when you're taking dump.  Those taboo subjects, you have to make your partner aware that you're not so against.  

A: Just don't trust the shart.  Yeah, don't trust the--

Mr. K: They might be into that.

L: Or cross your fingers and hope it's a shart.  

Mr. K: That's what they're looking for, right?  

A: Communicate that you're about to press the shart, maybe?  Communciation is still key, regardless.

Mr. K: Yeah, either way.

L: Yeah.  Put the shart on your (?~6:53).

Mr. K: Put the shart out there.

L: What is the current state of the legality of kink, BDSM, etc.?  

Mr. K: Current state of legality.

L: Do you know the laws?

Mr. K: The legality in the US? 

L: Yes.

Mr. K: Oh, that's a good question.

A: That is a good question that I don't actually have a specific answer.  I know that there are grey areas where like, partners can, if you can't prove consent, it's kind of--

Mr. K: Well, every state and every community is bound by what are called decency laws, like in the state of Texas until '89 or even '94, you couldn't own more than three dildos--

L: Oh there are places where they're still illegal to sell.

Mr. K: Is it still that way?  Right.  So it's actually it's obscenity law, and it's very looselly structured and worded and anyone could probably take you to court over it, like, if they thought you were harming a child or something, they could take you to court over your proclivities, and then it's up to you to defend it.  You see BDSM, I mean, Fifty Shades of Grey, that kind of movie is becoming mainstream.  I think the taboo has kind of been taken away.

A: A little bit.

L: A little.  I think people can still have children removed from their homes.

 (08:00) to (10:00)


Mr. K: Sure.

L: And they are definitely treated differently.  I don't know the legalities around it.  If  only there was a Youtube channel that covered that kind of--

A: Someone should make that.  It would probably get fully demonetized, age restricted (?~8:12) and held to a higher standard that even the family friendly channels but it's a great idea.

Mr. K: That's a good thing to research, 'cause I am not clear on what the law says you can do consentually.

L: I love questions like this, because it shows, hopefully you, that people who study this, we still don't know everything.

Mr. K: And we take lots for granted 'cause we live in this bubble where we live our life openly, doing BDSM, and we live in a very liberal community so we don't think about it a lot, but it could be taken away and England had several cases in the last decade where even play parties were shut down and people were prosecuted.

L: Oh yeah, showing certain things in pornography.

A: Even some forms--yep.  You couldn't show some bondage or urinating on people because it was indecent.  There's lots of, pardon the pun, embrace the pun, there's lots of shades of grey with legalities around kink.

Mr. K: Yeah.

A: Which is ironic but also very sad.

L: I think the last question, what recent research has been done into kink, its community, and practitioners?  

A: Ooh.  

Mr. K: Research?  Like we're strapped down and studied?  'Cause that's kinda hot.

A: I love this.  

Mr. K: Can I volunteer?  Like I'd be a lab rat.  

L: I love this kink.  

Mr. K: Can I be in a cage?  

A: So recent studies I've looked into is like, sexting and how that affects relationships.  That has been really interesting, watching kind of the digital age and how it's being affected, as well as like, how sex workers are being censored and deplatformed from a lot of what would be considered family friendly social medias like Instagram, Twitter, and how that's negatively affecting--

L: You're doing the research.

A: Not only--well, I'm doing, I'm keeping the receipts.

Mr. K:You're like the experiment at this point.  We're just documenting your research.

A: It's not the good kind of experiment, too.  I'm not even getting like, sexual pleasure out of it, but a lot of sex negative, at least studies are being held only because we are losing platforms systemically, like, over and over again. 

 (10:00) to (12:00)


You know, these people that are trying to be sex positive or trying to do sex education are being censored or moved or shadow banned and it's not fun or nice, but it is a real world ramification of sex negative policies like SESTA/FOSTA that drive all sex work off of platforms in the name of saving sex workers or making a safer community when in fact, they're just de-platforming people that are trying to do sex work ethically and putting them on the streets, which is even more dangerous.  Yay.  Sorry, that was really--that was a really dark question to end on.  I'm sorry, Lindsey.  

Mr. K: See?

A: Go back to the--

L: The cages and (?~10:53).

A: Make a pun, go.

Mr. K: Urethra snapping.  

A: You're gonna be pissed at the end of that answer.  Sorry to rain on your parade.  Did we bring it back?  

L: You did.  Let's see if I have any BDSM kink questions.

Mr. K: Okay.  Hit me.  

L: How do you feel about people using the word 'kink' to just cover something that they like but isn't necessarily--

Mr. K: I'm fine with it, though not necessarily what, it's not (?~11:24)

L: Like if I said, oh, eating is my kink.

Mr. K: Ohh.

A: Okay.  

Mr. K: That's not sexual.  

A: Well, it can be.

Mr. K: Per se.

A: My take on kinks and fetishes is, so long as you're not dehumanizing someone in such a way that's not consentual or is not hurting them and harming them, that it's all good and you're communicating and having consent in whatever play you do.  Generally, I'm okay with your kink.

L: But if I'm just taking your word--

Mr. K: And using it for like--

L: And using it to just like--

Mr. K: Like, folding laundry is my kink.

L: Yeah.  

Mr. K: Yeah, see, I don't know.

A: I mean, if you're folding my laundry, you're getting (?~11:57)

Mr. K: I mean, that actually, that kind of (?~12:00), that's hot.  

 (12:00) to (14:00)


Just fold my laundry.

A: Wasn't I folding your socks the other night?

Mr. K: Yeah.  It was hot.  I loved it.  

A: Yeah, and oh, that's what I thought you meant.  

Mr. K: Um, I don't know.

L: You two are so lovely.  

Mr. K: As long as what you're talking about is kinky, yes.

A: And not harming anyone and is still legal.  I think there are--

Mr. K: I always think of that as a given, sort of--

A: Yeah, but even then, you have to state that or someone online is gonna be like, oohh, they're enabling this kink which is super dangerous and harmful.

Mr. K: Folding laundry.  

A: Like folding laundry.

Mr. K: So dangerous.  

A: Washer explodes, pffff!  

L: Okay, one last question.

Mr. K: Okay.

L: What are you curious about around BDSM/kink and--

A: Ooh.  

Mr. K: Personally.

A: On topic, the ramifications of sex negative legislation and the fact that we are driving sex education off of platforms that are accessible and not supplementing it with actual comprehensive sex education and how that affects our youth, our teens, even our adults who don't understand how sex works.  I'm really curious about that.

L: Are you running for political positions?

A: No, I--I mean, my nudes are online.  I don't think I--I would get attacked.

L: Or you would get voted for.  

A: Can your nudes leak if you posted them yourself?

L: No.  And I think that the up and coming generations are almost going to expect that that's what they want from their leaders, is somebody who is proud of their body.

A: Yeah, I mean, and I (?~13:24) my nudes because, you know, I'm monetized and make money off of that because I'm comfortable with my body, but I guess that's another study I'd love to know, is like, how does like, that kind of culture affect someone's psyche, being sex positive, being body positive, and just being open and honest about like, what you're into.  'Cause I'm pretty much an open book when it comes to sex.  Like, how does that affect our culture?

L: Amp 2020.  

Mr. K: Yeah.

A: That's a little soon.  Don't you have to be like, 35 to run?  

Mr. K: No.

L: No, you can be a senator.

A: 2020.  What about you, daddy?

Mr. K: So I'm into power exchange dynamics.  While I identify as gay, I've actually been very curious lately about submitting to a female and what that would be like.

 (14:00) to (16:00)


A: Wait, you're gay?  I'm out.

Mr. K: So that would be the next level that I haven't tried yet.

A: Fun.  What about you, Lindsey?

L: I'm so curious about everything.  

A: Are you curious about that (?~14:18) or that (?~14:20) or that (?~14:21) cross?

Mr. K: Are you just curious or do you explore it?

L: Um, I'm curious about statistics around how common it is, like how many people are into this, how many people are practicing this, how many people are using safewords?  I just, ugh, or which safewords, right?

Mr. K: Well, it's kind of interesting because I teach a class called 'Kink 101'.  Society acceptable BDSM, and heavy massage can be like BDSM and I give an example of going to get a foot massage and I got, I was taken to this room, I was hot washcloth went over my eyes.  Sensory deprivation, right there.  I was leaned back in the chair and my feet were put in scalding hot water with no warning.  I had no idea it was coming.

A: Temperature play.

Mr. K: I just woke up and just like--then they started pounding my legs with rubber mallets, I'm like, impact play.  

A: Impact play.

Mr. K: And like, the room was full of people doing this but it's being accepted as a foot massage.  

L: Oh my goodness.

Mr. K: That's a huge aspect of BDSM.  BDSM is all about trust.  It's all about waking you up and getting that endorphin rush when, you know, when you're having a moment and someone slaps your face to trigger you out of it.  The second that happens, you wake up, you forget about your laundry, you forget about your chores, you forget about everything else and you're there.  You're centered.  You're like, what--what just happened?  That's--that's BDSM.

L: More that I'm curious about.  

A: Stay curious.

L: Yeah.  On the count of three, ready, 1, 2, 3--

All: Stay curious.

 (16:00) to (16:13)


(Endscreen)

Mr. K: You can go inside and hit the prostate which makes the--I'm sorry.  Do I smell?  Um.

A: He doesn't like sounding.

Mr. K: You don't like sounding.