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Duration:05:29
Uploaded:2019-02-06
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This episode of Sexplanations is sponsored by NordVPN, a virtual private network that protects the precious information on your phone and computer.

Think of it as a condom for the internet… and stick around and I’ll tell you how to get an extra month supply of NordVPN for free. [WHIP CRACKING, COUGH]. Sexplanations is a channel that covers all sorts of sexuality-related topics.

Foreplay, oral, anal... In the comments of these videos, someone usually posts that they struggle with finding a potential date. “What’s a relationship? How do I meet someone to try all this out with?” They’re right to ask!

A preliminary step in some types of sex is finding a partner. I don’t have a formula, but I do have some ideas that I think will help. When working with clients to help them meet potential partners, I learned that most of them hadn’t told their friends and families that they wanted to meet someone, that they were trying to date.

So my first suggestion to them, and now you, is to let people know. I know that many of you don’t want to. My clients didn’t either.

They were afraid that they’d be set up with someone awful and it would make things weird or that the people in their lives would think less of them for needing help. Stop it! Connecting through mutual friends is the one of the most common ways for people to partner up.

Your friends, relatives, co-workers, whoever you let know become an extended search party. Plus, telling your people you’re looking increases the likelihood of partnering with someone that you all like. And if you think these conversations are embarrassing, that’s all the more reason to have them.

Sharing what you feel awkward about is like drop-kicking shame. You wouldn’t think your potential future partner is lame for letting their friend group know they want to be in a relationship. In fact, you'd probably think it’s great!

You get feedback, support, you can talk about ways to spruce up your appearance, and you can have those close to you keeping you accountable for your goal. Next suggestion: enculturate! Enculturation is learning about your surroundings, customs, culture and adapting to it.

If you’re seeking sex or romance or companionship in 2019, a culturally appropriate way of doing this is online. Here in the U. S., arranged marriages aren’t very common.

We don’t typically meet by getting paired up for the Lindy Hop, and for many the bar scene has become undesirable. When people want to hook-up, get to know each other, or find love, the majority of them go online. “But I just want to meet someone the old-fashioned way -- you know, riding up an elevator together.” To that I say, “Give me your phone. Here's a pen and paper.” Just like we’ve adapted to emails and computers and texting and social media, we have adapted to online dating.

I think there are people who want to meet you -- maybe get to know you and ride an elevator with you, but they need to know that you’re available and the way that’s being communicated today is online. Ask a friend (who knows you’re putting yourself out there because you told them) to take some nice photos of you. Recent photos with great lighting that show your face (no sunglasses or face camo).

I recommend at least the following: 1) an up close photo, extra points if you’re laughing, 2) an action photo of YOU playing, be that frisbee, guitar, DnD, and 3) a full body photo, not nude, but well-dressed and honest. You could ask other friends to send photos they may have of you to add to your profile and weigh in on what they think represents you best. While you’re checking in with them, ask to practice your handshake.

Strong but not aggressive. It’s like the grip you’d use to help someone off the floor -- sturdy enough for them to hang onto but not so crushing that they’d rather stay on the ground. And not limp.

You shake my hand like this, and I’m no longer your date,. I’m your how-to-shake-hands-so-you-have-a-better-chance-of-getting-laid-in-the-future coach. In addition to meeting people through friends, family, and dating sites, you’ll have the opportunity to meet people all around you -- at school, at the gym, at church, at work, on the way to work, at sports matches, libraries, nerdfighter meetups, dance classes, dog parks, airports, etc.

In the words of Finn Gorgeous, “spend time in places where you’re likely to meet someone.” And give them a quality handshake, consensually! A few more notes:. Up your hygiene game.

Teeth brushed, crusties out of your eyes, hands clean, and nails clipped if you want to be considered for any fingering action. Introduce yourself to people you don’t want to date (but you’re willing to). Here are my reasons: one, you may be off on who you think is right for you - open all the doors, see who walks through.

If nothing else, it can be an experiment. Two, messaging people who aren’t your “type” allows you to practice flirting without pressure to hold onto them. Last tip for today: list out your top five values.

You may need to date multiple people before you really know what you want in a relationship, but your values -- those are more ingrained. Let your values be a guide rather than your expectations. And stay curious!

Before you go and set up your online dating profiles, I want to show you how to set up. NordVPN on your devices... Because internet safety is more important than ever, especially since we’re about to use the internet to help you pair up!

Like it or not, everything you do on the internet is being tracked and monetized, including the dating game, but you can get a little bit of your privacy back with NordVPN. It’s like, “Hey eavesdropping big money companies, hackers, get out of here, and let this woman educate the planet!” Check out the link nordvpn.com/sexplanations (it’s the top link in the description) to get security for up to six of your devices with one account. Please use the link to support Sexplanations.

Once you’re on the site, choose 75% off a 3 year plan, then use my code “SEXPLANATIONS” to get an extra month for FREE! Scroll down, add your email address and payment method. Congratulations!

Now you have a virtual bodyguard for your data. I like you! I want to help you find healthy partners for successful relationships.

That’s sexually, romantically, platonically, commercially, and technologically. Step one, be safe online at NordVPN.com slash S-E-X-P-L-A-N-A-T-I-O-N-S. Go now!