1905. 110 years ago Teddy Roosevelt was president of the US, Einstein was introducing his theories of relativity, the Wright brothers flew a plane for more than half an hour, and psychologist, Sigmund Freud, was asserting that females have two different types of orgasms: Immature, more masculine, goofy ones from the clit, and a second, more mature, sophisticated, womanly orgasm from the vagina. Freud!

I mean, describing different kinds of orgasms is great. That's what this whole book does. But ranking them? I think this is why I get so many questions about this elusive vaginal orgasm; something that they haven't yet made it to or unlocked, as if it's superior. Like the person who said that "I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months now. In all this time I have never reached an orgasm while we have sex." Or the one who wrote, "I want to be on top and orgasm, darn it!" Or like, "I can totes orgasm clitorally when I masturbate and now when my boyfriend fingers or goes down on me, but I can't seem to have a vaginal orgasm during penetrative sex." And this one, "I can only orgasm through masturbation. Do you have tricks or tips for achieving this with a partner?" Freud!

I'm going to help with all of this, because it's not wrong to want these things, but I certainly want to demystify vaginal orgasm. When it comes to orgasms, the whole body can be involved. Some people can orgasm from clinching their thighs, others from fantasy alone. I'm going to focus on the vagina and the specific areas there that have made things somewhat confusing.

1. The first third of the vagina, which is sensitive in itself, but also connects to the labia minora, which connects to the clitoral hood, which covers the clitoral glans, and as the tissue is stimulated, there's a chain reaction to the clitoris. So, maybe it's a clitoral orgasm?

2. The anterior wall of the vagina, about two knuckles in, toward the belly button. There's a lot of debate about what is going on here; g-spot, Skene's gland, prostate, nothing at all, or it's really the internal roots of the clitoris. I explain this in this video, here, my interview with Hank about the clitoris. So, maybe it's a clitoral orgasm.

3. The upper vagina. This area is thought not to experience the full range of sensations, but definitely understands pressure and the pinch during a pap smear. There is an orgasm from doing a kind of plunging action on the cervix, but I don't recommend this, because the cervix isn't designed to be plunged. That's why it tries to move out of the way during arousal. This video - on tenting - so dangerous.

Three parts of the vagina; two probably causing clitoral orgasms and the third - dangerous ones. So maybe there isn't a distinguishable vaginal orgasm. Maybe it's the result tugging on the clitoral hood during vaginal penetration or stimulation of the internal clitoris. A study published in October of 2014 insists that orgasms are all the same. But that's not what all researcher's have found.

Brain scans of bio-sex females masturbating their clits activate different areas in the sensory cortex than when they masturbate with vaginal stimulation. Whatever's being activated, I know that some of you are all about coming during vaginal penetration, during sex without a vibrator wedged in between your bodies.

I'll help you, but I want you to consider why. Is it because that's what you've been told to do? Is it because penis goes in vagina, penis comes, vagina should come without any extra effort? There is a patriarchal system here led by Father Freud that our orgasms should come from the vagina, when in fact, the organ for our pleasure is that clitoris. Imagine if you have a rose. It's a rose if you picked it from your garden, bought it at the store, or got it as a gift. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.

Onward. Orgasming in partner sex, then, is finding ways to stimulate the head of the clitoris, the first third of the vagina and/or interior walls of the vagina. Real simple. Instead of unfettered moving like a pogo stick, up and down on your partner's body during sex, go more like a cheese grater, using your partner's pubic bone to massage your vulva. Tug, tug.

Penetration can still happen, but you're connecting your high-ranking sex organ, the clit, with your partner's pubic bone or abs. If there's a bulge here (beer belly), have your partner sit up. This will tighten the abs and make them more accessible. Rolling up a towel to create pressure and putting it in between your two bodies can also help. And working out; Partner can also help by pulling you down on their body without actually controlling your tempo. If it's play with a penis, use the angle of the erection and the penis' natural shape like curving to the left, here, to direct pressure to the anterior wall of the vagina.

Try different positions, use fantasy to get your mind into the moment, enhance your breathing, practice Kegels. Mostly, blow off the pressure that tells you your orgasm is supposed to look and feel and exist in specific ways. Smell the roses and stay curious.

The majority of bio-sex females do not orgasm from or during partner sex. They orgasm from masturbation. If you'd like to learn more, here's a video about anatomy. Here's one on masturbating. Me answering questions about how the vagina changes during arousal. The clitoris interview and bringing your sexy back.