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Uploaded:2018-03-07
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I've fallen half a dozen times. The most recent happened over these last few months and prompted an episode on the experience. It was so fun to feel like I had found something really special and then there was the agony of caring too damn much about a new person. I don't know if I captured it all accurately in this episode but I tried. There was something hopeful about making a map for others falling in love; some peace in knowing you won't have to feel as lovesick or confused as I did. You're going through something amazing and you will get to stable ground soon enough.

I want to add that after making this video I came up with a better explanation of the final stage. In the episode, I call it Replay based on Dennis Kruissen's song lyric about falling in love "once it's over you can't wait to press rewind" but now I like the name Falling Over instead. I think by this stage you've found your grounding, now you're falling over from a standing or sitting position, not falling down an emotional chute. It's also a pun... falling over, and over, and over again.

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“Then he kissed her so deeply and so completely that she felt like she was falling, floating, spiraling down, down, down, like Alice in Wonderland.” My name is Dr.

Lindsey Doe. This is Sexplanations.

Today’s episode, all about falling in love, is sponsored by Adam and Eve dot com an online sex store you can access anywhere there’s internet. [WHIP CRACKING, COUGH]. Falling in love is something you may never do, do just once, or repeatedly. It can be the best experience you ever have, the worst, both, or something in between.

Because of this diversity it’s difficult to say exactly what it is. Olivia shares, “You probably won't realize that it's happening until you get to the moment where you look them in the eyes and feel completely safe and free.” If only there were stages you could track. *wink*. Based on the biochemical and behavioral tendencies, the models that other researchers have proposed, and my personal experiences I’ve come up with the following:.

Falling in love stage 1: Intrigue. There’s a subconscious “Something about you is desirable!” and drawn to the other person this strongly, we want to know why. What is it about them that makes things feel so good?

How do they kiss? Why am I just now finding them? Who did they vote for?

Falling in love stage 2: Euphoria. In Norwegian it’s called forelsket, in the Disney cartoon Bambi it’s called Twitterpation. Urban dictionary lists something similar called being sprung.

I’m calling it euphoria. The brain now soaking in natural happy hormones: phenylethylamine, dopamine, and norepinephrine -- gives you this jittery feeling -- intensely exciting! We end up idealizing the other person as more attractive, smarter, nicer, more successful etc. than they might actually be and don’t want to live without them.

Now your mind seems constantly pointed in their direction, if you don’t have contact with them the day feels unfinished, when they do call or text or spend time with you swoon, it feels like running an emotional marathon. Everything is sweeter and more terrifying because now you have something really precious you could lose. Now you want to live longer and what if you don’t?

Heather explains “... actually falling in love, is like the moment when you realize you are too drunk or stoned. You fluctuate between bliss and panic.” It’s so true! Falling love stage 3: Playing house.

This level of emotions and desire is often accompanied by poor decision-making and future-tripping. Because we’re psychologically impaired it seems rational to do things like have unprotected sex, move into together or run away and get married. We spend this stage in a fantasy and forget real life needs like eating, sleeping, and independence.

I need go to bed around 10 becomes “lets stay up until 4 am having phone sex and talking about our olive orchard in Mexico with two mini cows and a mango tree.” I want it forever! Falling in love stage 4: Fitness testing. Things are great, so why not evaluate the relationship’s durability?

Maybe get to know you more so I can justify my thoughts and feelings about you? I’m going to ask you as many questions as I can about your worldview -- deal-breaker kind of stuff. Thoughts on overpopulation, religion, buying property in Mexico....

I know you’ll answer the way I want you to or better because endorphins coursing through my system give me a sense that this is it and I can keep falling deeply in love with you but we’ll see. Falling in love stage 5: Consumption. Satisfied with a successful interrogation, we’re filled up, totally smitten.

And in big part because our bodies are addicted to the regular dose of self-made painkillers. I think Maureen Gaffney’s notes on falling in love describe consumption well: “There is a feeling of self-expansion, your heart “bursting” with love, your body with desire. You feel “puffed up” with pride – in the beloved, in yourself, in having this experience at all.

You want to “fill up” your senses, and when you do, you feel that sense of complete satiation and intimacy rarely felt since infancy.” Yup - I want to consume lovvvvveeeee. For me this looks like hours of bare-chested cuddling and intimate conversation followed by telling my friends how much affection and joy I’ve found. Falling in love stage 6: Acceptance.

They mess up, or you do, and a call has to be made: 1. Either end it because it isn’t a fairy tale and you can’t cope or 2. Welcome reality.

They might not have come from the stars made just for you but they’re still awesome! Falling in love stage 7: Crystallization. Crystallization refers to Marie-Henri Beyle’s idea that falling in love mimics a winter tree bough being tossed into a salt mine.

At first it’s a stick. Meh, stick, but then after a few months absorbing the water and salts and drying it becomes quote “encrusted with an infinity of little crystals scintillating and dazzling.” What you have has crystallized. You’re to the stage when you solidly believe the love you’ve fallen into is Yep, I want this, I want you.

I’ve fallen in love. Let’s do this! And the high-speed tumble down an emotional chute begins to slow, or you crash into the ground.

Either way you get back your responsibilities and autonomy if it’s going to work you’ll have to find the ground and decide to love -- love the choice. Falling in love stage 8: Replay. I think it’s helpful to note these stages while numbered don’t have to be linear.

In fact it probably looks more like a squiggle. We might go twitterpated to accepting to consumption then intrigue rewinding and or replaying stages subconsciously and consciously. Moving around is normal and in the words of Jacqueline Kost, something you “repeat over and over as you work on the relationship.” Maybe you fall in love again with the same person, maybe with new people, serially or at the same time.

However it happens and regardless of whether or not it crystallizes remember it probably starts with intrigue. So stay curious! And please get you or a loved one a present using this awesome discount.

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And getting off. [OUTRO MUSIC]. Phenylethylamine, dopamine, and norepinephrine -- gives you this jittery feeling -- woo, exciting! [LINDSEY AND MAIA LAUGH]. Was that like a fake orgasm?