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In which Hank talks a surprising amount about tomatoes.
Hello, I'm back! I'm so sorry about having not been back for a little while, and I'm at the end of this thing. I, uh, there was Thanksgiving, y'know, Thanksgiving, and so I was doing Thanksgiving things. I was in Asheville with my parents, and they, for some reason, don't have an Xbox 360, so I was not able to continue playing.

I had a bunch of tomatoes. I got tomatoes, that's-- Okay, tomatoes? Hmm, see I'm pretty sure... This is interesting. An interesting fact I know about the world is that, uh--full synchronization I was looting! is why full synchronization has failed, I needed to get my tomatoes! Oh, my god. I wasn't listening. That is embarrassing. Okay, anyway, one of the things that I know about the world is that tomatoes--Now that my full synchronization has failed I don't need to worry about anything, I can just spend all the time I want in this room. Screw you all! Screw you! I--The--The room should've been the end! Synchronization complete, oh god, I can't believe I did this in under eight minutes. That is frustrating.

Anyway, one of the things that I know about the world is that tomatoes are a new world, not an old world, crop, meaning that in 1500, January 1500 in Rome, it would be pretty dang unlikely that Columbus had gathered a tomato, sent it back to the new world, and filled up a couple of chests in the tower of the halls of Nero, or wherever I am, with tomatoes, and if they were, they would be extremely valuable tomatoes. Maybe they are, maybe these are the only tomatoes in all of Europe and I have them right now. All to myself, and I can, I can share them with the world and become very, very wealthy. But that is something that I know about the world, tomatoes are a new world crop. Potatoes as well.

I leave my family's armor here, one of the finest sets ever made. May he who finds it receive strength in battle. Change of handwriting. We have taken it and set it back, behind the iron door. Six keys unlock, I need to find some keys to get the armor of Brutus. I know it is the armor of Brutus because maybe I've played this before. Anyway, one of six scrolls of Romulus acquired. Exit through the ceiling hatch. I shall interact with this sparkly bit. Interacting with sparkly bits. That's what they call it nowadays.

Full synchronization failed my ass. How am I supposed to loot all those chests? Ugh. Ughhhhhh. Well, Ezio looted all those chests in less than eight minutes. He did it. Use dead bodies to attract attention. Dead bodies attract. That is generally not what I think dead bodies do. When I think about dead bodies I don't think of them being attractants. I don't think of them attracting people. Yes, picking up weapons is excellent, when someone drops a pole ax, some kind of amazing weapon that I don't generally get to use because boy, would I love to kill somebody with a pole ax. Nothing like it.

(The followers of Romulus.) Yes? (This band of false-pagans has been terrorizing the city for months) They seem like real pagans to me, mister. (and driving the people into the arms of the church) Ohhhhh. (Quite convenient.) Ah, have you been advising them, Nicola? (Exactly! I believe the Borgia are supporting them, but proof remains scarce. That is why the letter is so important.) Okay, well we will get that settled, eh. Out. Settle it out. A cipher! Cazzo! (This one was supposed to be legible.) The subtitles haven't been working. People have talked about the fact that I use bad language in this, but no one's really complained about it. I have thought that it would be more difficult, maybe in the future, for it to gather a larger audience, but man, to do games without cursing? I don't know, I don't really understand that concept.

I'm following Nicola. Um, some very sinister things going on in Rome. I shouldn't call him Nicola. Like Nikola Tesla. Because he's not Russian. He is, he is Italian, he's Niccolo. Accent on the ooooooo. No? No, nobody? No? Okay, where are we going? Why do you walk so slowly! I will assassinate you. Oh, well if I run into you, you walk even slower, so that's no good. Here we are. Two, there's a little two, what's that two mean? Two what, is that how close I am to my target? Probably. Yeas, that just means that I'm two meters away from Niccolo.

Here I am. What is this thing? What is this thing? Tell me, tell me about it. (We recently began traveling through the tunnels to avoid the guards, but many of the entrances in the city are broken.) Oh, there's tunnels... Oh, broken? They're-- (By using them, we can get to our destination rapidly without encountering resistance.) So I have to fix, I have to fix them. I have to--And everything's going to cost money, isn't it. Great. I will solve all of your problems with my moneys. Enter the tunnels. How about I interact. It's not even sparkling! Uh type, okay! Well, apparently that's the only--only place I can go. These are--there are a lot of tunnel places here. Where am I now? If there's only one, anyway. I don't--I'm not gonna pretend to understand.

SPQR. Uh, points to the person who can tell me what that means. I'm sure that it's something. I'll be looking in the comments. Please tell me what SPQR stands for or represents, I'm sure it's Latin, so it would stand for something in Latin, is my guess. Um, but, yes, I would also like to see it translated into English. Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck Ezio, duck! Yes, he's very good at that, anyhow, where are we now? Where are we?

(5:36) (Ben Trovato, Niccolo) Ben Trovato you as well! (Ah, sir Ezio, a pleasure) Oh! (Fabio Orsini, at your service. I've heard a great deal about you from my cousin, Bartolomeo D'Alviano) I see, I see where you're coming from but you're not really my type. Sorry about that. (A fine warrior) Tell me more about Caterina Sforza - Sforza. (Fabio has lent us an unused storeroom on Isola Tiberina) (I know you were used to better accommodations in Toscana) Oh, I see, so now I'm in... (It is perfect) I'm in accommodations. I am accommodated. (Bene. Then, I am off to begin preparations for Romagna. Today Cesare commands my men, but soon, I hope, we will be free) Bene. What? What was that? Oh? I'm not really sure what you're talking about. Romagna sounds to me like sauce, which I'm sure would be excellent.

(Now, I propose we begin planning our assault on the Borgia) It's confusing. (Oh, you think we are ready for such an attack?) Yes, we are ready. (Si) No, no, yes. (Do you know, for instance, where the Borgia troops took Caterina Sforza?) Oh no! They took - (What?) I thought that they did, I thought I saw that. It was unclear. (Are you also unaware that the Borgia have captured the Apple of Eden?) Oh no! They have the Apple of Eden and my... (How could we have lost the Apple?) they have my ball of evil and my beautiful, hot, nipple-less woman.(So you do not know what goes on with our enemies. Do we at least have an underground here to work with?) (Hardly. Our mercenaries are ensnared in a losing battle with Cesare's French allies) Do you know how hard it is to find a woman without nipples? (We have girls working for us in a brothel frequented by cardinals and other important Romans, but the Madame there is lazy) Well I... I will get her on the case. (and would rather attend parties than further our cause) (What about the city's thieves?) Like, I will whip her into shape. (Si. But they refuse to talk to us. I don't know why) She will not be be lazy after I get through with her. (7:04)

(What are you going to do?) I am going to make some pasta sauce, with my tomatoes. Okay, this is my new house. This is my assassins logo up here. They got logos all over the place. Logos were not um- okay, stop with the, d d d d. That's confusing. Logos are not a new thing, by the way. Logos have been around for a long time. During this period, for example, we don't, we never talk about the Medici's. The Medici's had this excellent logo which is like, just, six balls. So whenever we go anywhere in Italy, any old place in Italy, there's these Medici balls. And everyone will point at them and say "Hey look, there's some Medici balls up there!" And you're like, 'Aha. Ahahaha. What was that? What did you just say? Tell me more about the Medici balls.'

The Fighter, The Lover, and The Thief! Sequence Three begins! Hank Green, as Ezio Auditore, is going to fight, love, and steal! I'm gonna start out by stealing. You, you, you, you, you, all your, all your F's are belong to me. Oh-- What-- What are you staring at? Something on the ground? Is that a kitty? You staring at a kitty?

Oh man! Someone stole my crap! Are you all looking at me? Are-- Do you-- Did you know it was me? Can you tell? Um, sorry! Wait. Oh, that's my sparkly door, that's where I live, sparkly bits. That's where the-- Okay, I'm gonna steal from-- You had 12 F's! What are you begging for? Everyone else has the exact same amount as-- amount of money as you. What am I doing? Where am I going? What's going on? 

So, what di-- it we-- how-- how far along am I? In my, uh. I'm nine minutes. So I will c-- I will continue to go. 'Cause people always complain about it being too short. So I will continue, to go. I'm not sure where I'm going. I will look at the map of Rome. So that I can check and see. Where I am. And oh, these things are pretty far away.What is this? What is this one? It's a Memory Start. I wanted you to tell me more about the Memory Start. But okay. That's fine.

Uh. Horsey! I can never see the horse as it approaches. It just did-- tha-out of no-- they're always right-- ah. Sneaky horses. I don't know how they do that. Anyway. Uh, I-I-- And death to you all! Death! Death by trample! Death! No, don't do that horsey! That was a bad idea! Okay. Let's go toward a memory that starts not in the canal.

Okay, there's a bridge. Bridges are excellent. Everyone, watch out for my horse of trample. I shall trample you with my pony, pony de death. My pony, of death. No horns on you right now, I cannot make him a unicorn while the memory unit is saving. I don't save any of my changes if cheats are enabled, so that is unfortunate.

Whoa! What just happened? What just happened? Where-- Where are we? What-- What-- What? What? What's going on? How do I get to this exclamation point? Ah, okay. Oh, that's too far. That's too far to fall. Where am I? I'm not even at the top of-- this-- this should be a lookout! But it's not a lookout? Ooh, stars. I wonder how accurate that star map is. Probably not very.

Well, I can at least-- okay. Where am I going? There's no-- There's not even a leap of faith up here? Come on! Ugh. That is frustrating. There's one over here, but that's not where I wanna go. J-- Oh! What?! That was-- went right off the-- Ugh, jeez. Ugh, jeez.

Well, so far, since I have started my memory unit, this has been really uneventful and I apologize for that. I'm not, I'm not gonna-- Oh. Hello. Hello. Oh-- Ohh, I missed it. Aw, man. Okay. Finding the-- What?

'Standing at the Western end of the Roman Forum between the Temple of Concordia and the Temple of Saturn, the Temple was built-- the, the Temple-- Tempio di Vespasiano was built to honor the Flavian Dynasty, comprised of emperors Vespasian, Titus, and Domitian as part of the deification process. Fascinating, they were-- this is all to deify someone. That is not what I wanted. I-- I did it again. There's all these things that they want me to know about history, but I don't. I just want to look at the map.

Okay, what am I closest to? I'm closest to this one. Go there. Go there, Ezio! Okay. We're-- We're going to go there. And you will see me when I get there. Tomorrow-ish. Hopefully. As long as, uh, everything works out in my favor. Okay. I will run there, and then you will see it when I upload it tomorrow. Goodbye.