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View count:28,412
Last sync:2022-11-07 01:00
In which Hank kills, destroys and etc
Okay, I'm--I'm looking for the horse. Oh! Where did you come from?! Oh, you are so sneaky. I never--I was in the middle of a field! You weren't there and then you were. I have to spot--whoa, we're entering--entering an unfriendly place. Unfriendly, they don't want to see me. Where is--entering the Batista Borgia territory. Kill him will remove the Borgia--to remove the Borgia...there's a lot of them. Oh there's a lot of them! Okay. This is going to be quite the battle we're going to start out with. Alright. I can't climb this spiky fence, so that is--that is not an option. But, oh geez. Hey! Oh, did you have a problem with me?! I'm just gonna jump right in and do this thing. And you are all going to die!

Okay, except for you. You....Alright, alright, this is--this is going to be--this, okay, okay taking some medicine here. Oh, you--you do a lot of damage. Okay, gotta kick ya, gotta kick ya and then stab you and then stab you, and then stab you and turn around and kick this one! God, kick him, kick him. Okay, and you have to be stabbed, oh! Come on! More medicine. So far so bad. Alright, okay, so those guys have officially freaked out and they do not want to hang out anymore, but I got you. I got you,  I got you.

Okay, um... there's not-- there's a kitty bag and here's some money, I'll loot this. I will loot it. Ooh, Vlad the Impaler coins! That doesn't-- I don't know what those are. No, I don't want to pick up the giant body. I wanted to loot the giant body, thank you very much. I will pick him up later. Okay. Okay, thank you for restoring my bullets that I used to kill you. I took it out of your body and put it back into my gun.

And...where...where hera...uh, well, that guy decided not to join the battle. That was, that was kinda lame of him. Hey buddy, you should have joined the battle. Would have been a more dignified way to die than that. Alright, alright, what am I doing? Who should I kill here? This-- this-- is this not what I should have even done? Who-- who is here? Where are you? (Aaaah!) Hahahahaha! 'Aaaah!' You didn't fall very far, my friend. That didn't really make any sense.

Okay, so apparently, that's not where I was supposed to go...and stabby! Oh, I should have killed the guy with the bigger thing. Uhh...okay, I'm going. No, I'm going, I'm going fist! I'm fistin' it! Oh,  hello. You had hold of-- Ow! Ow! I thought I was fisting it. Oh, don't throw stuff at my eyes! That is just mean. Oh, Hank, pay attention! Pay! Attention!

Got you, and I shot you through the other guy. I love that. Oh, you bled so much. I'm gonna loot you while you're not even down yet. I need my bullet pack! I shot you with a bullet! Give it back! (distressed Italian shouting) Yes, I know, it's so scary. I'm so scary.

Okay, I'm gonna look at this so I can see where the Borgia tower is, 'cause that's what it shows-- It says Tunnel Entrance. Oh, I can renovate it. Ah, I think I will. I will renovate this tunnel entrance. Because that's what money's for! If you don't spend it, it's not doing you any good. That's just-- that's a lesson I've learned in my life. Money? Doesn't do you any good.

And, and please-- thank you. Okay. Where am I going? (I knew I've seen you before!) Yeah, I know. Oh, I wish I had had my assassin's thing out. Okay, come here. Come here. Oh jeez! No no no no no no! Gah. Dang it. Good thing I have unlimited life potential. Okay.

I'm gonna take your thing, and you are so gonna regret that you ever did that. Yes! Thank you both for dying. That was fun. Poleaxes! What did I say the other day? I said that poleaxes were awesome.

What? What do you want? I will punch you in the face! Oh man. I'm totally gonna-- okay, now I'm gonna kick you. Kick you, and then I'm gonna punch you in the face! Oh. I'm gonna kick you, I'm gonna kick you, I'm gonna kick you-- Oh, your friend! If he wasn't here! Ugh! Kick-- just die!

Okay, fine, I will use a weapon to kill you. And I will just-- there! Is that what you wanted? You wanted me to use a weapon? 'Cause it was so-- what? Why were you-- that was a funny thing for your dead body to do. Anyway. Okay, thanks for the medicines, that's really what I need.

I am in the Borgia territory here, where am-- this is-- I'm, I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to be doing, uh, but man, this is-- I'm thick in the Borgia territory here. Thick in it. what the-- I don't-- I can't pronounce that Italian.

Okay! So here is my exclamation point, at least. Uh, 'Revenue deposit'-- and then that-- There's no guards around but there's a sparkly bit here, and I'm going to interact with it because interacting with sparkly bits is what I do best.

(Ezio Auditore!) Oh! (Come in, come in!) What? I'm confused. (I'll kill you if you don't.)(Bartolomeo.) I'm co-- I'm confused. (Wait here. You have to meet my wife.) I-- I don't pay enough attention. I have to meet with the cap-- I don't... I'm sure that someone will explain it to me in the comments. (Where is she?) I'm never paying enough attention. (Did you check behind the table?) Oh, is she-- Is she drunk? 

Oh, hello! (Ah, here she is!) Hotness. Yes. Mm. I'll take two. (Nice to meet you.) Nice to meet you too and...Italian. (Charmed, truly.) Sorry about all the blood on my hands. I apologize for getting that all over your dress. (Now, let us talk about war.) (How goes the fight against the French?) (Bene. My men are holding their own.) I'm not really sure... that, uh, that France is-- France and Italy were nation-states. At-- In 1500, but, that's okay. It's okay if you confuse people.

(Ezio. Let me get straight to the point. The fight is not going well.) Oh, it's not going well. (We have been attacked on both sides.) Oh, I know what that's like. I hate that. (But know this. The Borgia position is weak. If you can defeat them, we can concentrate our forces on the French front.) Okay! (I think I know a way to help.) I can totally do that! (Thank you for disclosing this to me, Madonna d'Alviano.) You are very sweet, Madonna d'Alviano. (It is the least a wife can do to help her husband.) Okay, I will do it. And I won't even try and flirt with you anymore.

'Eliminate the Borgia Captain sending his troops back to the barracks so that the mercenaries can focus entirely on the French assault.' I will do that! Okay. Oh, okay! I-- I've-- What am I-- What am I doing? Am I just watching? I wanna get my sword out. Participate. I'm killing you first. Hohoho, oh! I know that that hurts. I've had it happen to me before. Oh, it hurts so much. Ho, did I just stab you in the knee?

Okay, desynchronized? But I just killed everyone? Why did I desynchronize? I d-- With the stabby? That's what I was supposed to be-- I'm pretty sure that stabbing, and killing, was being done pretty effectively there, uh, so, I guess I should concentrate on the captain himself. He is running away, so I will get him, 'cause the stabbing is not what I need to be doing. Clearly.

Should I kill him? Should I kill him? Should I kill him? Okay. I did. I wasn't sure if I should-- should tackle him or just kill him. I'm definitely gonna loot him, though, 'cause the Borgia Captains seem to be loaded. 956! Dang! That's sweet! That was awesome. I love 956.

Hey, what? What? Did you-- Did you-- Oh, I'm sorry that I ran into you. I'm, I'm so sorry. Oho, I also, I stabbed you in the heart. So that's, uh, I apologize for that as well. Um, so yeah! That was a pretty easy mission after I realized that I was supposed to be stabbing the Borgia Captain instead.

Can I jump off this? That'd be fun. I can. I thought I was gonna dive, but I didn't. I just dumped. Now I'm down here. So... 'kay! Um... maybe not ideal, actually, now that I, now that I've done it. Uh, but, it seemed like a good idea at the time. So... luckily there's one of these things down here. Love these things. They're fun. Uh, jump from you, onto you, and PAPAPASHIPKOW! And I'm up here.

Hello! Don't worry about me. Don't... (He's here!) worry about me. At all. I told you not to worry about me. Right? Remember that? Um... how about I throwing knife the big guy? I wanna throw it at the big guy. Not that guy. The big guy. (Merda! Kill him!) Uh... it didn't actually seem to kill him. That's unfortunate.

Why did you grab me? You should just stab me. Oh, he will not-- He does not stand for that. I'm gonna punch you in the face. I'm gonna punch-- I'm gonna kill you, with my fists! Oh, there's too many of you. Ahaha! I kicked you 'till you died. Uh, I'm not entirely sure what's going on right now. But I'm gonna kill you, if that's okay, and then I'm gonna kill your friend. So, that's gonna be fun. Mm, mm, ah! Oho, in the back.

Um, so, yeah. I'm a little confused about what I'm doing right now. I know that I need to go to these various places and now I'm sort of stuck in the middle of, uh... I'm gonna go to this viewpoint and then I'm gonna end the video. So, uh, 'cause I love viewpoints. Nothin' like 'em. And...I'm close to it. And I just killed these people so there had to be a reason for me to do that, otherwise I would feel bad.

Oh! Also, there's a chest of money over here. I'm so jus-- I'm glad that people leave these around. 'Cause if it was me, I-- Jar of leeches, excellent, that seems useful. If it was me, I would probably put my, you know, my chests of money inside my house instead of on my front doorstep. But, you know, to each his own, and I can't exactly complain about it, 'cause, you know. 

Oh! What the frick?! Okay! That was unacceptably stupid, Ezio! Um, you-- I mean, you and me, we know how to climb buildings, and uh, I do this a lot and you do this a lot, it's the kind of thing that I feel like we should be able to...sort of...get done, uh, without-- without that kind of incident. Um. So. I'm glad that we had this talk, uh, but, let's just not have that happen again, okay? Okay. Great.

Where am I going from here? Oh. Ah. Onto this brick, apparently. Uh... let's keep going up, keep going up, this is aa Borgia tower-- Oh, come on, you can do this! Ezio. You can do it, you can do it, you can do it. This is... complicated climbing.

Um. Am I gonna burn this? Am I gonna burn it? Am I gonna burn it? It's not gonna be under the influence of the Borgia anymore? 'Cause that would be awesome. I would really appreciate that. I would feel like there was actually a reason why I did it.

I'm gonna get this first, and maybe do a synchronization. Oh, the Colosseum, it's beautiful, this is just so beautiful! I love this game, 'cause I get to be there, you know? To a place where I would otherwise never be able to be in, and that is worth millions of people paying $60. And burning down this tower. (chorus begins singing theme) Haa~ Haaa~ Fire on your things~ Take that. And now I'm gonna say 'Screw you guys! I'm jumpin' in a lake.' That's right. All right. Hopefully this is no longer under the influence of the Borgia and I can feel as if I accomplished something.

'Return to Bartolomeo and Pantasilea.' That is a funny name. Uh, 1 of 101 received, that's not enough. Uh, this episode is ending. Thank you very much for attending the, uh, destruction of that Borgia Captain, and I will see you, next time, when I am here again. I won't see you. You won't see me. You will hear me. Anyway. Bye bye.