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MLA Full: "Screaming Into Pillows." YouTube, uploaded by vlogbrothers, 13 March 2015,
MLA Inline: (vlogbrothers, 2015)
APA Full: vlogbrothers. (2015, March 13). Screaming Into Pillows [Video]. YouTube.
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Chicago Full: vlogbrothers, "Screaming Into Pillows.", March 13, 2015, YouTube, 03:53,
Crash Course Kids: Ages 7 - 11
SciShow Kids: Ages 5 - 8

In which Hank discusses the weird required secrecy of business and how frustrating it is to be feeling things but not be able to discuss them.

Whether it's excitement or anger or frustration, I'm just not used to not being able to talk about it. I would like to find ways to avoid this, because I think business is fascinating and I want to share it with everyone. But at the moment, I can't.

Thanks to Izzy for the title inspiration.

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Good morning John. You and I have been making videos for over 8 years now, over 1200 videos on this channel alone. Enough 4 minute videos to keep a person busy for days without sleeping. In that time, I've told the whole world, everyone who will listen, some of my deepest fears and most embarrassing moments. I mean I've experienced some of my most embarrassing moments on this YouTube channel.

There's not a lot about me left that isn't public. It's to the point that I would have a really hard time coming up with a 2 Truths and a Lie that I could catch anybody on, because all of the interesting things about me you know. I've got very little left. This is not a complaint; I like it this way. But being this open with the world also makes you think about the secrets you do keep. Those things do exist. And I don't think there's anything weird about that; I don't think anyone on either side of this situation thinks that I should share everything about everything about myself.

But what is weird, is when I'm feeling something, when I'm excited or frustrated or angry, and I can't talk about that, because I can't tell you why. Either because of contracts or responsibilities or strategies even. I don't know if you know this, John I'm not talking to you now, I'm talking to Nerdfighteria, you're really important in my life. It feels really weird; it feels wrong for important things to happen in my life and to not talk about it. Whether it's on a video or on Twitter or Tumblr or Facebook. I'm not good at faking stuff. I can't suddenly get excited about something that I've been doing for 6 months, just because now it's public. I've been excited that whole time; I can't pack that all in into one announcement video.

So when I'm super excited or frustrated or angry about something and I can't talk about it, that makes me feel weird. It makes me feel like a liar. Being honest here. Honest about my lying. Things like SciShow Kids and CrashCourse Kids, which we've been working on for months, getting funding together and defining them and doing character development and hiring people who are amazing to do all this great animation and work, and we weren't allowed to talk about any of it. All that enthusiasm was so annoyingly private. But those things are real now, and I am still excited about them and have been excited about them for so long, so if there are kids in your life or there are parents who have kids in your life, please tell them. Cause if people don't watch it, we can't keep making it.

Right now we've got 2 things that I'm very excited about that I cannot tell you about, and I am just so frus-. It's not like new hoodie designs or video ideas or something like that, it's big stuff, you're not gonna guess, but I encourage you to try. And I feel like a phony for being excited and not being able to tell you why. One of those things will be announced early next week; I'll be doing a Reddit AMA about it on Monday. And the other will be announced a week after that, if all goes according to plan.

Vlogbrothers has always been about honesty and authenticity and just being who you are and feeling what you feel and talking about the things that are happening, hopefully in interesting ways that are entertaining, or thought provoking, or whatever. But as the scope with SciShow and CrashCourse and VidCon and DFTBA, all these things, has grown, I've had less freedom to talk about them because there's just more complicated infrastructure on top of it.

And I'm so happy to be working on big complicated projects with talented people, but sometimes I just wish I could take everyone along for the ride, you know? It's been a long time. I'm not used to living that kind of private life anymore. Especially with my work stuff. I feel like that stuff should be public. It feels wrong, but I don't have any choice, and I don't know if it's better for me to talk about this or not because now you know that I'm keeping stuff from you, whereas before you could just sort of infer it. And, you're gonna be like "What the-fr-what are you work- what's the thing? Are you making a new kind of ice cream? And you gonna be an astronaut?"

No. Neither of those things, but, uh, again I encourage you to guess in the comments because maybe you'll give me good ideas of things to do in the future. Anyway, I'm very excited and I can't say why. You'll find out next week and then week after that. I'll be cool. I'm excited to share them with you then and I'm excited to sharing my whole freaking life with you in the future for a very long, long time. John, I'll see you on Tuesday.