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In which John talks about whether kids should still be taught cursive in school. The Wimbly Womblys play Watford.

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Hello and welcome to hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green, manager of the fifteenth place AFC Wimbledon, right behind Wolverhampton Wanderers. Today, we're taking on Watford. This is awkward because it's my friend Craig's team. He's a huge supporter of, uh, of Watford and, uh, I feel bad about the fact that I'm about to absolutely destroy them, particularly since I just bought their best player, Houdini, away from them.

Houdini and Dicko starting up tough once again, but only so that at halftime, we can make a substitution where we start, um, John Green and John Green. John Green and John Green, they've just been taking a little time off. They're older than they used to be. They need- they need longer rests. Um, so, Ya Bamba's back in today's game, uh, I think we're starting a pretty strong squad, but time will tell. It's been very, very difficult for the Wimbly Womblys, obviously, in, um, in the championship in world class skill level, but, uh, I still believe, I've always believed and- and I always will, Ya Bamba's struggling a little bit. He's a 53 skill level. He's not made for this kind of stuff. Um, but I'll tell you what, he's got the heart of a lion. He absolute- he's got an absolute lion heart. There's no other way to say it.

Okay. What? Corner kick my butt. That's a terrible call. Today, I'm talking about, speaking of, um, speaking of things that make me curse, uh, today we're talking about cursive. Eh? Anybody? Curse-ive? Mm? Mm? Um, this is a suggested topic that I liked. Oh, get there, Seb Brown. Alright. Everything worked out better than I expected. Um, should we teach cursive in school, and if so, uh, and if not, what should we teach instead? Well, this just happens to be one of my areas of expertise because I cannot write in cursive, and let me tell you how much it has affected my life. What is the opposite of a lot?

Uh, at no point in my life has it been even inconvenient to me that I cannot write in cursive. Now, I did learn to write cursive, but I forgot because things that aren't useful or interesting, uh, you forget, and cursive is not useful. It's just not useful. It's just not important.

Um, I just, Meredith's counter-argument (we were discussing this immediately before recording), Meredith's counter-argument was that- what about signatures? Well, I don't- we'll figure something out. Surely, we don't need to devote a large portion of second grade to teaching signatures. Surely, that's something that one can just pick up later in life. Um, meanwhile, we aren't learning computer programming. What? Why don't we learn computer programming in second grade? Computer programming is amazing. It's awesome. Computers are our friends or enemies; we won't know for sure until we can- we'll never be able to master them if we don't learn about them, and then, soon, they will master us and they'll be like, "Oh, I'm sorry, you were busy learning cursive while I was, uh, you know, becoming the Terminator or whatever." I don't- I'm not very good at computers. Can they become the Terminator? I hope not.

Oh, look at K. Sainte-Luce. K! Sainte! Luce! The patron saint of lost crosses! Oh, he tried to find Dicko but it didn't work out, like so much effort in this world. That was a great run from K. Sainte-Luce, but was it for nothing? It was. It was for nothing. Ugh. He's just- he's- he's trying to run back now and he's just so tired, and he's like, "I can't believe that was all for naught." But it was. It was, K. Sainte-Luce, and I'm going to ask you to do it again and again and again because that's just the nature of life. You run and you run and you run and only occasionally does it result in goals.

Ya Bamba. Ya Bamba. He's not going to cross. Nope. He's smarter than that. Got a nice- nice pass into the box. I got tackled. It doesn't count as a foul because I never get a foul in this game, and it came to nothing.

Um, yeah, I just do not see the point of cursive. I- and I do really think that we need to spend much more time learning about computers when we're in elementary school because they're awesome and also because it will foster a love of computing and programming in our nation's youth, which I think will be much more helpful than fostering a love of cursive, which, by the way, you will never foster. There's no purpose. Anyway, I- I just think that it is really outmoded.

Do people even learn cursive in school, Meredith? Surely, they don't. Surely, cursive isn't on any of those, like, crazy standardized tests that, uh, rule all of American education now. It's not like, you know, do you know what the difference between a big "D" and a little "D"? What? Context is everything.

Kids who learn cursive score better on reading and spelling tests. Are you, like, a website called Time Magazine says that- well, I bet they would score even better if they were learning about computing. Also, I'm not- so, cursive helps you learn reading? And fine motor skills. Well, first off, video games can help you learn fine motor skills. Uh, I don't- yeah. We should- we should put our kids- we should teach our kids nothing but video games. Um, we should have them playing FIFA from a very young age because how else are we going to compete with the world at FIFA? Have you played some of these kids who are from Brazil at FIFA? They're, like, ten years old on the Internet and they're way better than I am. We need- it's because I didn't learn FIFA as a child. We need better FIFA- we need better FIFA-teaching skills. Fine motor skills. Like kids have not better way of getting fine motor skills in the twenty-first century-oh God- than learning cursive.

What a fantastic tackle that was, and out to Ya Bamba. Ya Bamba- oh, he had them. He had Dicko, and he was like, "Dicko!" But no. It was halftime. That's going to be a great over-the-top pass to Dicko.

We've had a difficult half of football but it's nil-nil. We're still within striking-distance of what feels like it will be our first win in forever. Um, I mean, Deeney's still in relatively good health. I'm just going to keep him in for a little bit longer, uh, before I bring in the secret attack team of Bald John Green and Other John Green. Um, that's a nice pass. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Don't like this stadium, by the way. No offense, Craig.

Okay. Um, yeah, are there any other counter-arguments for cursive, Meredith, or can we just settle this, that cursive is dumb and it shouldn't be taught in schools? It's a good teaching aid for kids with dyslexia. Well, that is important. Um, and I- look, I think that it's important to spend lots of time with the language, and, like, I think the reason for a lot of this stuff is that cursive is that. Like, it's a way to spend time with the- the alphabet and with language, um, but I still don't buy the argument that we need cursive specifically. I just don't buy it. Despite all of that, um, I can't help but think- yeah, I mean, again, we're- we're- there's something that we- we could be teaching in lieu of cursive that I think would do a lot of the stuff that cursive does without us having to learn cursive, which, again, Meredith, do you remember- I mean, can you write in cursive? I've never seen you do it. Huh? Lowercase cursive? [laughs] Like, if you ask me to write an uppercase cursive letter other than J and G, nothing. And if you ask me to write J and G properly I don't think I can do it. Like, I think, you know, I barely- I just barely remember.

Alright. So, Dicko and Deeney are coming off for John Green and John Green. Um, they're teammates in life and in love. I don't like to start one without starting the other. Okay, and then we're also going to bring on the Gaulden Child. This is a game that's just crying out for the hard work, uh, and commitment of the tiny eleven-year-old pre-pubescent Gaulden Child, in whom we- through whom all things are possible, three substitutions all at once, just like the pros do. That's right. You don't get to play any more, Francombstein. You're a good-looking guy but you're getting older.

By the way, you know where that thing is? On their butts, that's where it's going to say, uh, AFC Wimbledon- I mean, DFTBA Records, or whatever- who- who's sponsoring them again? I don't know. It's exciting, though. Thank you for, uh, watching these videos and watching the stupid ads so that we have enough money to, uh, be on the shorts of AFC Wimbledon. I appreciate it. Um, when my dad wrote that check because, of course, my dad runs our business, he was like, "Are you sure that you want to do this?" And I was like, "I promised every dollar to AFC Wimbledon."

Um, anyway, cursive is dumb and I hate it, despite whatever Time Magazine and all of the experts say. Um, I- it's just something that you don't retain into adulthood, like, which is unlike every other skill that you learn in elementary school. Like, I still know how to multiply. Oh God! Oh no! Everything worked out better than expected. Um, you know, I still know how to- I- I- I still know how to, like, add and subtract and read. I just- I just think that, like, the skills of cursive surely can be learned a different way, um, and I know that I've defended a lot of, uh, cursive-loving, uh, people in this video and I apologize to them, but I just- this is- this is, uh, you know. You've got to have a place of passion and for me, it's the importance of teaching computing to- to children and, uh, and frick cursive. I- I- yes, since you're asking, I did get an F in cursive, but that has nothing to do with my opinion. This is completely objective.

Speaking of completely objective, we are objectively losing this game since we brought on Bald John Green and Other John Green. I don't want to say it's their fault, but it is definitely happening. There we go. There we go, that's a nice pass. Aw, the patron saint of lost crosses, looking for John Green, the man he loves! No. It's 'cause they're not in love. If that would have been Other John Green, it wouldn't have even been close. It would have been a goal. Ah! That's a good tackle. That is not a foul. Good lord. What do you say- that's- don't- don't continue to tackle brilliantly? Look at that! [incoherent] ball! Buxton. I keep forgetting that Buxton is on our team now. He's pretty good, statistically, and he made a great tackle there despite being completely wronged by the referee as we so often are in this- this game.

I just- I mean, imagine if we just taught our children FIFA in elementary school. Just- just pause and think about it with me. Think how good they would be at FIFA if they just played FIFA three or four hours a day during school time.

Pass to your husband. No! Clearly, I wanted you to pass to your husband, not to the keeper! I would've rather had you just shoot from there. Good lord. This is a little frustrating. We're just- I- I- I- I still feel like this game is winnable even though we definitely haven't won so far. It just feels winnable to me. Sometimes- sometimes, you get that feeling once you're a really good FIFA player like me. You just feel the ones that are- how- how they're going to go, and we've got, like, five minutes here for my feeling to come to fruition.

That would've been a really good time to pass to John Green instead of running into the corner like a doofus. Um, yes, well, at least we'll know that if we lose, it's because I didn't play FIFA enough as a child. Um, oh, boy. This- this is not working out the way that I had hoped. Eighty-seventh minute. I really thought those two substitutions would just- would just make magic happen and it hasn't. Get back there, Bald John- oh, Bald John Green with a heavy first touch, uncharacteristic. That's all I can say. It's just not- it's not the man we know and love. He's just- he just hasn't been there. He hasn't been there for us the way that we've- we've come to- ooh- what? Again with the unbelievably heavy first touch. Bald John Green, it's like, who are you today? At least he made a little bit of a tackle there. Oh my God. Are we going to lose? Are we going to lose in the last second? Anything but this. Ugh. Aw, I can't even see the field. Can't see through the shadows. It's scary. I feel frightened and afraid and alone and we lost! No! No! No! Ugh! This would never, ever have happened in a world that teaches FIFA instead of cursive, a world in which kids have great fine motor skills- uh, the fine motor skills that I frankly lack. I learned cursive, Meredith, how do you explain my play with the- with the not being able to push the buttons correctly? Dah! Best- I'm squatting in shame. Best wishes. Sorry.