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Get out your poster or pen and paper. Time to fill in those Want/Will/Won’t lists!

You want a better sex life?

One of the most helpful exercises I do with students and clients is a Want/Will/Won’t list, a way to understand what “better” looks like and what doesn’t fit into that goal. I’ve made a video with instructions on how to layout the columns here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoYxd3E3UXU

Trouble is, people often bemoan their lack of ideas for each of the three columns saying to me, “I can’t think of that many sexual behaviors!?!?”

No longer!

Sexplanations goes through more than 150 sex acts. MORE THAN 150! It’s not a comprehensive list, there are so many more interests and behaviors, but it’s certainly plenty of options strive for, agree to, or disregard. Want. Will. Won’t.

I, Dr. Lindsey Doe perform some of the sex acts and there’s photos for others but mainly words illustrate the concepts. It is after all the words I encourage people to write on their want/will/won’t lists. Pegging. Yoga. Heavy petting. Knife play.

A huge shout-out to Matthew Gaydos, the director/videographer/editor of Sexplanations who made this episode come to life! And another huge shout-out to our Patreon supporters who fund our sex edutainment. *clapping and cheering for all*

To be part of the support network, Patreon click this link: https://www.patreon.com/sexplanations
Dr. Doe: In this video I describe how to make a "Want/Will/Won't" List - a simple way to organize your ideal sex life.

What you want to do, what you're willing to do, and what you won't do. I encourage people to place 30 items per column to improve their sex lives and often they're like "I don't know that many sex acts!"

-- Intro Cut Scene --

Alrighty, here are over 150 options for you! Keep in mind that this is not comprehensive, and that each one of these individual sexual activities can have a whole Want/Will/Won't list of its own. 

Let's start with the basics:

  • fantasizing,
  • kissing - that's
    • pecking (quickly and lightly)
    • frenching (passionately with tongue) which can be broken down into "sucking face" and "making out," which is any of these styles, with more body contact.
  • hugging,
  • holding hands,
  • footsie,
  • cuddling,
  • spooning - which is specifically cuddling like spoons in a drawer,
  • petting,
  • heavy petting,
  • dry humping

There are so many sub-types for keeping it Dry. Where is Wet on your Want/Will/Won't, list?

  • Lubrication?
  • Penetration.
  • There's Penetration with:
    • Fingers - called "fingering",
    • Hands - called "fisting",
    • With the tongue - it's "cunnilingus" in the vulva and "anilingus" in the anus.
    • A penis penetrating a vagina is called "VP Sex",
    • penetrating the anus? "Anal Sex."
    • Penetrating a mouth? "Fellatio".
    • Deep in the mouth - "Deep Throating".
    • Penetration of an amputated limb is called "stumping".
    • The deep perineal pouch of a trans woman? "Kangarooing."
    • "Muffing" is the penetration of the inguinal canals. 
  • Playing with Dildos - there is so many penetration options to organize on your Want/Will/Won't list. Mainly:
    • vibrators,
    • butt plugs, and
    • dildos
    • Penetrating a hetero male in the anus with a strap-on is called "pegging"

Even without penetration, where do you Want, Will or Won't theses forms of contact, and with whom? The answer to this could easily add another 150 items to the Want/Will/Won't list. 

  • "Role playing" is a legal, practical, and safer option for many of these .

Whoever it is, let's consider protection:

  • In-condoms
  • On-condoms
  • Dams
  • Gloves
  • STI-testing

Where's "fluid bonding" (or unprotected sex) on your Want/Will/Won't list, and which fluids go in which columns?
  • Saliva,
  • Semen,
  • Vaginal fluid,
  • Female ejaculate from squirting,
  • Urine

That reminds me of "water sports" or "golden showers" (urinating on someone, or being urinated on.)

How do you feel about sex play with:
  • Feces,
  • Vomit,
  • Menstrual blood,
  • Other kinds of blood?
    • Like "Vampirism", which usually involves biting, cutting or sucking?

Where are you with "hickies?" Want/Will/Won't?

Another body fluid? How about Breast Milk? Breast, chest, nipple - there's a whole set of sex-acts here.

  • Suckling, like adult nursing,
  • Twisting, like an etch-a-sketch,
  • Motorboating
  • Grabbing
  • Caressing

These bring up many more touch types for any place on the body:
  • pinching
  • rubbing
  • kneading
  • tickling
  • fondling
  • stroking
  • punching
  • nuzzling

All of which that could be part of "erotic massage" or "genital massage"
  • Masturbating
  • Mutual masturbating
  • Simultaneous solo masturbation or
  • Masturbating each other - like a handjob
    • A handjob could even start with: undressing
    • bathing and grooming your genitals (though full body hygiene is excellent.)

If there is a penis, in addition to the aforementioned VP sex, fellatio and handjobs, you can give:

  • Footjobs (or podiary sex)
  • Docking - which is using the foreskin of one penis to cover the head of another.
  • Sword fighting - which also involves another phallus
  • Raking - which is scraping the teeth along the penis
  • Sounding - inserting objects into the urethra
  • And Withdrawal - Pulling out the penis from an orifice before ejaculating. 

For the testicles nearby:

  • Stretching
  • Cupping
  • Teabagging

For Vulvas:
  • A lot of what I already mentioned, plus
  • Tribadism - scissoring or rubbing vulvas on each other, and
  • Shocking - two in the pink, one in the stink

Other vulva activities:

  • Face Sitting - a form of cunnilingus where the person specifically squats on someone's face.
  • Clitoral stimulation - where you specifically attend to the clitoris, and
  • Admiring - looking at the vulva in awe.

There's also:

  • Cumming
  • Climaxing
  • Orgasming
    • Do you want orgasms?
    • Every time?
    • Some times?
    • Serial? - one after another
    • or Multiple? - Different parts of the body at the same time. (Like clitoral and anal)

Anal Specific Sex Acts:
  • All of the above, like: licking, massaging and penetration, plus
  • Prostate Stimulation
  • Felching - or sucking the semen out, after
  • Barebacking - unprotected anal sex.
  • There's also DP, which is "Double Penetration" of the vagina, the anus, or the vagina and the anus at the same time.
  • You can also Press on it without penetration
  • Spread the Cheeks and
  • Expand the anus. All of which usually require Warming Up.

Want/Will/or Won't Foreplay? These sex acts focus on:

  • Seduction
  • Arousal
  • Tenting
  • Eye contact
  • Deep breathing
  • Moaning
  • Dressing in lingerie
  • Undressing as striptease
  • Story-telling
  • Dirty talk
  • Wrestling
  • Sex Games
  • Body Painting
  • Compliments and 
  • Courtship

What about:
  • Quickies - Sex without a lot of this preparation?
  • or Edging - maintaining high arousal over a longer period of time without orgasm?
  • There's a tradition and a practice called "Tantra" - which takes a spiritual approach to harnessing sexual energy; exploring a more enlightened sexuality. So behaviors like:
    • chanting
    • meditation and
    • yoga

This certainly translates well to Sex Positions:

  • Standing
  • Sitting
  • Kneeling
  • On Top
  • On Bottom
  • 69

Public Displays of Affection:
  • Sex In Public
  • In the park
  • At a sex club or
  • In a parked car
  • Or a moving car - like fellatio on a driver, which is called "road head."

At this point people typically have two very full columns of Wants and Wills, some Wont's, so I bring out more of the flavorful sex acts you may know of as "Kink." For many it's another territory for sexual exploration. You decide if it's something you Want/Will/ or Won't.

  • Hair Pulling
  • Scratching
  • Spanking
  • Flogging
  • Gagging
  • Sadism - when you get pleasure from inflicting pain upon someone
  • Masochism - when you get pleasure from having pain inflicted upon you.
  • There's also Sexual Humiliation - which is emotional pain
  • Into Bondage?
  • Restraints (like handcuffs)
  • Maybe Blindfolds
  • Hot Wax
  • Temperature Play of any kind
  • Knife Play
  • Food Play (such as "Nyotaimori" - or sushi on a naked body)
  • Asphyxiation - where you can't breathe
  • Cross dressing
  • Power play
    • Domination
    • or being dominated (submission)
  • Voyeurism - where you watch
  • Exhibitionism - where you are watched.

Both of these are most commonly practiced online with the advent of Sex Cams, a type of
  • Cyber Sex
  • which started as Phone Sex

oooh, what column would you place pornography?

  • What about making porn?
  • Or taking erotic photographs?

Let's put watching YouTube Sex Ed videos here! (*indicates the "Want" Column*) We make videos every week that can be conversation pieces for your relationships - ways for you to continue delineating between what you Want, Will and Won't with your sexuality.

Please subscribe to Sexplanations to learn more about sex, and Stay Curious.



-- Outtakes -- 

"Masturbating!"

"Clitoral and cloral ad boop bad duh"

"Butt's still wet, yeah yeah yeah...."