Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday; it's Question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from real nerdfighters, let's get right to it.

What's the cheesiest joke you know?
You know what kind of cheese can perform miracles? Cheesus of Nazareth.

Who the eff is-

Wait, wait! I got a better one. What happened after the French cheese factory exploded? There was debris [the brie] everywhere.

You got any new books coming?
I'm trying.

Hey, in TFIOS, did you name Isaac that because his eyes are sick?
No. Unfortunately, I'm not that punny, except when it comes to cheese jokes. I named Isaac after the guy in the Hebrew Bible who also went blind.

How excited are you that the TFIOS DVD comes out tomorrow?
Good news, friend. Tomorrow is now today, and I am very excited because, at last, people can see my brilliant acting in the extended cut.

Will you ever appear in a movie of your books?
I have! I had a cameo in The Fault in Our Stars movie, but it got cut, because my screen presence was too powerful. They felt like people wouldn't be able to pay attention to Hazel's love affair with Augustus because they would be distracted by the camera's love affair with me.

Any news about the Looking For Alaska or Paper Towns movies?
So I don't know much about Looking For Alaska, but Paper Towns looks like it is really really going to happen, like, they hired a director, the brilliant Jake Schreier who made Robot and Frank. The screenplay by the guys who wrote TFIOS is amazing, my friend Nat Wolff is going to play Q, and supposedly it's going to come out on July 31, so I... it might actually happen!

If you could change anything about your books, what would it be?
Uh, the word "deadpan" appears like twelve times in Looking for Alaska, which in retrospect is probably eleven times too many.

How do I pass AP Chemistry?
Crash Course might help!

Who's your favorite Beatle? What color would you be if you could be any color?
I promise these were right next to each other in my timeline! John, Green!

Are oranges named after orange, or is orange named after oranges?
The name of the fruit preceded the name of the color by at least two hundred years.

Bananas or pineapple?
I guess we've reached the fruit portion of Question Tuesday. Bananas!

Will there be a nerdfighter meet-up soon?
There are location-specific nerdfighter group all around the world, link in the doobly-doo, there are lots and lots of gatherings, I've always had a good time at them, check it out!

Why you love the metaphors?
I would argue that most humans love metaphors, because so much human thinking is symbolic. Like, we imagine a meningitis headache as a "vice gripping our head". And if we can imagine, like, particularly original or compelling metaphors, it can help people to imagine what we're feeling! So good metaphors make my experiences more real to you, and yours more real to me, which is kind of what language is supposed to do, right?

Can you make a metaphor using the word "slay"?
Now, this is not my area of expertise, but I'm pretty sure the colloquial use of the word "slay" is already metaphoric. I mean, I don't think that new Taylor Swift song actually killed you. But we say that it "slayed" us, because the experience of it was so awesome that now we are... metaphorically dead. I'm not saying it's a great metaphor, but it is a metaphor!

Pizza or Ansel Elgort?
Ansel Elgort on pizza.

Ansel Elgort on pizza is not an acceptable answer.
Hmm, then I'm going to go with Ansel Elgort slathered in pizza.

Hey, review Hank's album.
It's Hank Green's best album to date, The Perfect Strangers bring a punk rock energy to Hank's quick-witted and lyric-driven songwriting. I give it five out of five stars. It's actually Henry's second-favorite album, behind only the Phineas and Ferb Star Wars album.

Aren't you and Hank supposed to do a punishment?
Well, I owe one. Hank, what's my punishment?

How'd you decide on baby names?
We just stole our grandparents' names.

How many boys are in One Direction?
What is this, a quiz show? There's Harry, and Niall, and Liam... ah... Zayn! Four? Wait, NONE! None! There are no boys in One Direction, they are all adults!

Hey, how many books can you balance on your head?
S... seven, but not for very long!

Tell your son he's really cute.
Hey, Henry! A stranger on the Internet says that you're cute.

How do I get my three-year-old to eat anything other than PBJ, pizza, and macaroni?
You can get your three-year-old to eat three different foods? Are you a wizard?!

What colour - unnecessary "u" - are your socks?
Many-colored happy socks!

Are signed posters really signed, or just digitally?
When I say that something is signed, I mean that I signed it, like with my hand, and a pen.

Writing font?
Arial.

Thoughts on WheezyWaiter's latest video?
Awwwwww.

Favorite HP book and movie?
Four comma eight.

What's your favorite dinosaur?
Stegosaurus, because when I was a kid, paleontologists thought that it had two brains, a head brain and a butt brain. And there was nothing in the world funnier to me than the idea of a butt brain.

I have a question.
Mmm... that's not a question, Maureen, that's a statement. And so is this:

Hank, I'll see you on Friday.