YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=gkO7M1OmwPM
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Duration:08:25
Uploaded:2010-12-03
Last sync:2018-11-11 17:40
In which Hank renovates a whore house and then hires his sister to run it for him. WTF?
I'm on my way back to tell the whores that their boss has been killed, which is too bad. I've sort of run across where a Borgia Captain may be. So I'm gonna go ahead and try and kill him, first things first. Probably should use a sword, best to use a sword, generally. Unless I can totally surprise him, which I may be able to...

I'll just jump into this thing here-- Nope. Nope.  Nope. Jump into the thing, Ezio. In the thing. Okay, good. Um, good, I got my thing, and... N-- Ti-- Oh shoot, shoot, shoot! Oh, there are so many of them now. Oh, there's a lot of them. There's a lot of them. There's a lot of them. Oh jeez. That's a lot more than I expected. What-- What is going on? Ezio. Get the-- Kill the-- The-- Oh, thank goodness. Stab him, stab him, stab him. Oh, why am I using my fists? 

That was a bad idea. Okay. I'm gonna-- I'm gonna do this much better. Starting right now. Oh, ow! That guy is good at this! That's why you kick him in the balls, oldest trick in the book, and then you stab him. Oh, come on. Come on! Augh. Kick him in the balls, and then stab him, stab him, stab him, grab him, grab him, and grab him, and throw him down, and then stab him. Stab him! God, that was hard.

Oh yes, run away. Run away, you little pansy-pants! Ugh, gotta make sure I loot the right guy, now. There's, like, seven people in this corridor. Tiny little pile of bodies. Okay, that was the right guy, 956, always good. Now I have to climb this wall. And, uh, light his tower on fire.

Nobody worry, nobody worry, it's not a big deal. There wasn't just a total bloodbath in the alley right there. You guys just keep doing  your thing, having your conversations about what happened today, whether or not, you know, Rachel, on Friends, and Chandler, are ever gonna get together. Are they brother and sister? I get confused. No,  Monica, Monica and Chand-- never mind, I'm not even gonna try.

Burn! Burn it! Burn it down! Ooh, there's some fire in there. Some explody fire, that's good. Yes. I am so badass. I'm-- I'm worried about what happens when this thing falls down though. Don't want it to hurt anybody. Except for maybe that guy. Guards, that's who I, that's who I worry about. Who I don't worry about, rather.

Excellent, no longer in Borgia territory. 'Rebuilding Rome: Borgia influence has been ELIMINATED'! Eliminate! It should say 'exterminated'. 'Borgia influence has been *Dalek voice* EXTERMINATED.'

Um, and boofboofboof, out of my way, okay. Um...come on! Kitty? Kitty bag? Doesn't that look like a cat? How hard would it have been, really,  to have a cat? How far am I away? Am I far enough away that I should get a horse? Apparently. I'm very far away. Where am I? Wh- I'm not far away at all. Not far away at all. Let's go.

Okay, where am I? Don't need to be grabbing onto that. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Here we are almost back to the whore house, to deliver some very bad news. Is this the-- Is this the door? No? I climb it. I climb it like a spider. Nope, nope, nope. Whore house? Hello? Door? Do you have a door? To your whore house? What-- What are you doing Ezio? God. 

Oh. Up here. Here. Oh. I may have some bad news. Well, that's not where I was. Oh. I know, she had the things. (Mother? Sister?) What? What are you doing at the whore house, girls?! I thought that that looked like my mom and my sister but I didn't believe it! (What are you doing in Roma? Was Firenze attacked?) (No. Or rather, I do not know. We did not go to Firenze.) What? I told you to go to Firenze! (Where is Madonna Solari?) Oh, I have bad news. (Merda.) Oh, shit.

(We have to close!) No you don't! My mom and my sister will run it for you. (Messare, without someone who can run things, we are finished.) Wha-- (I'll do it.) Oh! (You do not belong here, Claudia.) Sure, Claudia, no problem. That's what-- That's a completely normal thing for my sister to be doing. (What alternative do you have, Ezio?) Um, one of the whores could run the whore house. Maybe? (I've been on my own for 20 years.) Oh. That's... I've been very busy, Claudia. Don't give me a hard time about that. Bend you over my knee. Hmph.

What did he say about Caterina Sforza? 'Talk to the architect, renovate the Rosa in Fiore...with the 2500 f taken from the slave traders.' Okay! I thought I was gonna get to use those 2500 F's for myself, but that's fine. I can rebuild a whore house with it.

What are you guys doing? Playing some kind of Renaissance game? No, just angry at each other. Architect-o, chubby with an apron. That's how you know. Uhh... 'Renovating for 2500 florins'-- no? Florins? What are-- Is that what they had in Renaissance Italy? Florins? You're allowed to talk. She doesn't know. She's not talking.

Upgrade! And it's a beautiful brothel. I've just made the prettiest little whore house in Roma. (Ottimo lavore, no? Grazi, messare!) Grazi, messare! Excellent. Excellent. I won't kill you. 'Cause I'm proud of my whore house. Oh, a cut-scene, of course! This looks like the Old West. Jeez. Guys-- Girls need feathers in your hair-- That one has a feather in her hair! Oh, that was my sister. You're not a whore. 

(Welcome to the Rosa in Fiore; as you can see, the most popular brothel in Roma.) Well, I hope that I get a cut. (Here, I keep a list of the skills taught to my girls.) That is not... (You are not teaching them much.) (Think you could do better?) Worse! (Nessun problema.) What am I...teaching them? (Ezio, the Borgia make it difficult for Claudia's girls.) There's several things... (There are several things you could do that would aid them.) Aha! I could teach them new skills! That... is not what I expect to be doing in this game, depending on what skills you mean. (Did you find Caterina?) Yes! I have a girl, that's where I live.

Okay, good. Has everything worked out now? All right. 'High Stakes Negotiation: Do not swim' failed! I failed at not swimming. I love to swim. I love it. Can I, uh, go get a-- wow. This is a busy place. You guys have conversations in the hallways, and I steal your money-- I don't steal your money! I was going to steal your money. 'Courtesan missions'...'Renovating buildings increases income. Visit a bank to receive profits.'

This guy's drunk. This girl is having a dance. This guy is playing a flute. Why not? And, uh, I'm going to-- I'm not going to interact with any sparkly bits, I think I'm going to end this video here, and, uh... you will not see me, I will not see you, but you will hear me, next time. Goodbye.