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In which John gives romance advice. The Wimbly Womblys play Leicester City.

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 Introduction


Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green. I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys, today taking on Lie-chester City! Or as they say it in England, Leicester City. They spell Leicester with a lot of extra letters in England. It's a uh- it's a cultural thing. They also spell program with extra letters... Color! Uh... If there's a letter that can be added to a word, England says "yes!"

Uh, nice weather here! It hasn't rained as much in South London, as it did last year. We're starting Amankwaa Amankwaa in goal today. Um, and- oh, boy. That's a big, strong man. I'm a little- I'm a little intimidated. Uh. They all have blonde hair, those Leicester boys. They got- they got uh, Schmeichel in goal. Um, the real Leicester is in the Premier League now.

I'm gonna give you some dating advice. Some romance and dating advice. I tweeted- I tweeted about this and we got some questions.

By the way, we're in fifth place, right- nestled between Crystal Palace and Brighton and Hove Albion. Um, and as you can see, uh, who Deeney has the most goals in the league, even more than John Green and John Green! It's been an incredible season, both for who Deeney and for Dicko. But today, it's John Green and John Green starting up-front - new parents, and uh, Wimbly Womblys.

Uh... Oh man, they've got Roy De Laet, the uh, best free- uh -throwing guy in the world, Meredith. I know that that's something that you're interested in.

 Question one


(1:19) Give me some- what are some questions... What are some questions? "How do you know if your crush likes you?" Well... I mean, that's- that's very complicated. I'm a big fan of asking! Um, you know, ideally - do you agree, Meredith? And telling!

Yeah. Just saying like, oh, I have a little bit of a crush on you - it's not a big deal, 'cause it's not really! Like, it's not that big of a deal. It's just a little crush. Um, romantic love isn't the only kind of love. Like, it's not the only important thing you're ever gonna do in your life. It's just not that big of a deal.

Why did you not continue your run?! Ohhh, who was that?! That is frustrating. Um... Yeah, I'm a big fan of- of telling. Of saying, you know, like, I have a little crush on you, do you have any- do you have a crush on me? It's not- no big whoop! But if you do, you know, maybe we could go to second. Not immediately! First, first. Yeah. Well, we can- we can have a conversation about uh, enthusiastic consent.

I like conversations! People are always like, "oh, you ruin it". No, you don't! You don't! Oh! OH! Ohhhh. Devastating. You don't ruin it, to me, by having conver- like, by talking um, talking about uh, whether- whether, you know, what kind of relationship you wanna have with a person, or whether you wanna date them. To me like, those- those open and honest conversations aren't- don't ruin it. They make it better. Um... Yeah.

We're also- this is mostly- Meredith gives better dating advice than I do, so then I just look at her and see if she agrees with me. Do you agree with me about that one, Meredith? Alright. We're on the same page there.

Um, yeah. Alright. So I would just tell them! Um. Uh, if you have a crush, talk about it. Don't be afraid to talk about it. And if- and also, don't be afraid to be like, "you're a nice friend, but I- I don't wanna make out". There's tons of people in the world you're not gonna wanna make out with, and you've gotta understand that.

And it's not like a- it's so difficult not to feel like you- there's so much pressure on romantic relationships, I think. Like, I think it's so difficult to feel like it's not a um- like, it's- it's so difficult to feel like it isn't the end of the world. Great save there by Amankwaa Amankwaa. Um, when someone doesn't like you or something doesn't work out romantically, because you're told from a very young age like, this is the most important thing that you're going to do.

Even when you're in like middle school or in high school, you're told that like, this is the most important relationship, is gonna be your romantic relationship. Well, no! Just- just straight up no! Oh, gosh. Everything worked out better than expected. Just- just- yeah, I just completely disagree with that. Like, the most important relationship I had- and I had very important romantic relationships in high school, but the most important relationships I had were friendships, um, that weren't sexual or romantic.

And like- I don't know. I just think the- we put so much pressure on romance that it becomes sort of stifling in a way. Oh, speaking of stifling! You've gotta finish, Gaulden child! That probably fell to the wrong head, um, as he is four feet ten inches tall and eleven years old.

Um, maybe- maybe Bald John Green would have been better suited to that ball, but uh, I didn't cross it to the right place, so... It was the Gaulden child. And I thought he did okay. Um, oh, pass it to the Gaulden child! Oooh, what a great pass! Ohhhhh, we went too many, too many! Ohhh my gosh, too many Y buttons. That was gorgeous play- oh, and that would've been the time- the Gaulden child really needed to finish there. That was gorgeous though. It was- we looked like Barcelona for a moment.

 Question two


(4:41) Meredith, do I have another question? What is it? "What do you do when a date gets awkward?" I- well, let me tell you. I have been on a lot of awkward dates, because I used to do the internet dating. Meredith, have you ever done any internet dating? You haven't? You've never used the Grindr? No? I mean Tinder. Oh, okay. Grindr is- all guy thing? Okay. You've never used either. Okay. Alright, well now it's getting weird.

Um... Yes. So, I used to do- before Grindr, or Tinder (laughs) I used to- I'm just not that well- I just don't know how people date these days! I'm old, okay?!

Um, I used to- there was a website, nerve.com ... Nerve.com was a cool, uh, a cool website about sex and romance and it had personal dating, and I used to do nerve.com dating. And I met a lot of nice people, um, uh, a lot of like, PhD candidates in um, philosophy and uh, anthropology at the University of Chicago and stuff. Very cool people, but I also had a lot of like, wicked awkward dates. Like, incredibly, incredibly awkward, where even in the middle of the date sometimes, the young woman would be like, "this is awkward". And I would be like, I don't know what you're talking about! I am really enjoying uh, eating sausage in this German bar with you.

Um... And- my strategy for dealing with awkward dates was to kind of accept that it wasn't working. Like, you know, there's no real- if there's not a real conversational spark and there's not a romantic spark and it's just super awkward, like... Sometimes you can overcome those awkward silences, um, but sometimes it's a sign that like, you know, maybe- maybe not. Maybe this is not the right time or the right person. Oh gosh! (shouts) Oh gosh! Oh, gosh.

Don't worry, the Gaulden child's gonna settle on the ball and he's gonna find a way to score because he- look at him. Oh, it's half-time (laughs). The Gaulden child- that was a good first half for the Wimbly Womblys, but it's still nil-nil to Lie-chester City. Lie-caster? Lee-cester? Um, Lee-cester would be a good name for a villain!

Um... Alright, so... Yeah, my advice is to acknowledge the awkwardness of the date, uh, if possible. And then, you know, to politely extricate yourself from it. Nothing wrong- nothing wrong with leaving. Um, I mean, you don't wanna like, say "I'm just going to the bathroom" and then not come back! But like, there's nothing wrong with like, ending the date. Dates end! Um, and they don't always end with kisses, and everyone knows that, going in. Meredith - agree or disagree? Meredith agrees.

 Question three


(7:33) Um... What's my next question? "Is it okay to date your friend's ex?" Uh... That's treacherous! Treacherous! Um... Ah... It depends on the situation! I don't know. I was just talking to someone who is active in the world of like, development and food aid, but instead of talking about that, um, and like, how to cure typhus- typhoid (laughs) Typhus? What is wrong with me today?! Instead of trying to cure Grindr...

Um, yeah, but instead of trying to- talking about how to cure typhoid, we were talking about exes, and she was telling me that her um, like, that she was engaged to a guy who left her for her roommate at the time, and then they got married, and then like, flash forward twenty years, they got divorced... And he showed up at their college reunion and was like, "I have always loved you." And she- this was tremendously rewarding for her, of course, because like, it sucks to get- to lose both your best friend and your boyfriend at the same time, because they start hooking up together. This is actually one of Meredith's areas of expertise! Um... So perhaps we should ask her!

But uh, yeah. I think um... I- I think you- it's difficult though, because you also don't wanna say like, oh, well, you know, this is gonna be a really fulfilling relationship for you, but you have to- it's a matter of empathy. You've gotta- oh gosh! I'm struggling to empathize with Lie-chester City right now because I feel that- on the balance of the game, we've been far better! And uh... That's just unfortunate.

That is an unfortunate goal. You can't really blame Amankwaa Amankwaa for that, although I do- you do have to wonder if Seb Brown, who famously saved two penalties against Luton Town to put us into the football league - you gotta wonder if Seb makes that save. But um, no. I don't think that's Seb's- I don't think that's Amankwaa Amankwaa's fault. I think it's just the fault of the uh, you know, sometimes the fault is not in ourselves, but in our stars.

Um, so yeah. I don't know. It's a little frustrating, but life is full of frustrations small and large. I still believe the John Greens give us our best chance to score right now, but I am in half a mind to bring on Deeney and/or Dicko. Uh, just because - don't be offside! Don't be off- oh, that's a great job! The patron saint of lost crosses! The Gaulden child (laughing) is in the middle, but he's a tiny, tiny man! Oh. Oh, that was a difficult- that was difficult to watch. How do I- I have no desire to instant-replay. I wanna- that was not what I wanted to do. I wanted to make some substitutions.

I just- my heart breaks for the Gaulden child, because he's just brilliant at getting into position, but he's just so little. He's just tiny! We're gonna bring on Kaz, who's the exact same size. And we're gonna bring on Dicko, and we're gonna bring on Deeney. They only like to play together. They love the John Greens, um, they get along really well, particularly Dicko and the John Greens, you know, now that they're all parents, but um... But I think right now, we've gotta be honest about our- wow, you're way out of your goal! We've gotta be honest about where we are as a club and say that Deeney and Dicko give us our best chance to score.

Alright! There's K Sainte Luce. To the Gaulden child! Pass it to- yes! That's kind of good! Ohhhh, that's frustrating!

 Question four


(10:58) Um. Do I have any more romance advice questions, Meredith? "Why does no one want to date you?" It's complicated! Um, everything is complicated. And there's lots of possible reasons. I don't know you, but I also don't- oooooooooooooh! With his last touch of the ball! (sings) Bald John Green, John Green, he gives it all for the team, upon his moustache we're keen, Bald John Green, John Green!

(talks) Did that ball- who did that ball come in from? Did that come in from the patron saint of lost crosses? I was too excited to notice. Oh, that was beautiful!

Off comes the Gaulden child, John Green and John Green, for Dicko, Deeney and uh, Kaz, as we go all-out to try to win this game!

So it's possible that- first off, it's possible that it isn't a case of no one- no one wanting to date you, it's just a case of, the people who you wanna date, not wanting to date you. The second thing that I would say is that like, it's also possible- I mean, there's lots of possibilities, so I can't be very specific, because I don't know you personally.

But it's also possible that it's just a time of- a time of life thing. But I will say like, there have been lots of times in my life - and I don't know if this is true for you - where I've really, really, really, really, really wanted to be in a romantic relationship. And like, maybe I wanted it for healthy reasons and maybe I didn't, but it didn't actually matter that much, because I really, really wanted it. And it- it seemed - and still seems to me - unfair to not- to have that. To like, not have that kind of partnership when you really want it and kind of need it.

Um, and I'm very- I'm very sympathetic to that, because I think that it's- you know, lots of people are like "oh, you'll be in a relationship when it's the right time", but like, it still sucks if you wa- you know, if you don't wanna be single and you are. Like- and you can say all you want that, "oh, there's all these societal pressures" and that makes it so that you can't- you never feel whole or full, um, when you have really fulfilling friendships, since you don't have a romantic relationship.

And like, I think all of that- all of that's true, but like, you know, lots of people - lots of times, you still want something you don't have, and it's difficult. And if you don't honor the fact that it's difficult and acknowledge it, then like, I think it's kind of miserable.

Well, it's uh, it's a good point, a come-back point, but obviously we would have preferred three points at home. Still, the AFC Wimbledon fans royally holding their Wimbly Wombly scarves above their heads.

Thank you for your support. Thank you for being awesome. I'll try to do some more romance questions next time. Uhhh... Best wishes!