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In which John explain why he chose to play with AFC Wimbledon. The Wimbly Womblys play Huddersfield.

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Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green. I'm the manager of the fifth place AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys. We can't seem to get out of fifth place, one way or the other - we win, we tie, we win, we tie and we're still fifth!

Um... Today we're taking on Jimmy Hogg and Huddersfield town. Huddersfield town, which does- I mean, has there ever been a place that sounds more like a made-up um... Made-up town in England? Huddersfield? Uh, but yes.

So we are AFC Wimbledon, we play in South London, uh... In our historic home... (ish) across the street from the lane where we played for- we won an FA Cup in the eighties! And today I'm gonna talk about why AFC Wimbledon?

So I played- I was a semi-professional FIFA player and I was- I actually- I held the distinction for many years of being the worst FIFA player uh, to play FIFA semi-professionally. Which was a tremendous accomplishment. Worst skilled- least skilled professional FIFA player. Um...

Of course, in- in real life, that position is held by girls just wanna have Fundingsrud, the least-skilled (laughing) professional football player in the world. Um... We love him! He's not good, but that's part of what we love about him. We'll never get rid of him because he's so bad, no one will buy him. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, girls just wanna have Fundingsrud! You are terrible though. My God. He's- he's unconscionably slow. Oh, and then I just ran past the ball. I know that I'm terrible at defense and that it's not my- girls just wanna have Fundingsrud, it's my fault. But I'm- I'm assigning blame!

So anyway, I played as Swindon Town for many years, and I started to feel- so I was feeling like, in general, like it was time for a change. Um... But also I was feeling like it's a little weird just to play... Uh, play FIFA semi-professionally and not have any... other story to it, you know?

Like, I visited Swindon Town and it was really fun and they clearly valued- like, a lot of supporters of that club knew who I was, and you know, we'd been in the Swindon paper on many occasions. After we won the FA Cup we were actually on the front page of the Swindon paper.

Um... And so like, that's cool, but I started to feel like it would be better- it would be better if we had even more... meaningful relationship with a club. Oh God, that could have been a great goal but it wasn't. You know? Like, if we could be somehow more involved in the life of a club. My frustration with Swindon was always that like, it was only so real. You know?

By the way, Dicko and Deeney up front - t- um, I almost said "team mates in life and in love" but no! No. No. (laughing) Dicko's married and Deeney's married to the life. Oh! Okay. So um...

I just wanted something- I wanted to- I thought that we could have a more fulfilling relationship. Like, I thought that the series would be cooler and we could have a more fulfilling relationship with the team if there was an actual team that we were actually invested in, and not like metaphorically invested in, but like, really invested in.

And so then it was a question of like, well what team could we sponsor? We could sponsor Swindon Town and like, that would be fun and kind of hilarious... But the great thing about AFC Wimbledon is that they were a club, and they are a club, that like, reflects our values as a community. Like, for instance, you know, nerdfighteria is a very welcoming, open community. It's a big tent, um... And...

But at the same time, it's not defined in opposition to an other. And even though I've made it out like um... Wimbledon um, you know like, hates uh, the franchise that currently plays in Milton Keynes, in fact, like, actual AFC Wimbledon supporters are often critical of the way that I talk about the franchise that currently plays in Milton Keynes, because they just like, think that it shouldn't exist. So they're an "us" that exists kind of without a "them".

Um, it's astonishing to see the support that AFC Wimbledon has for other clubs owned by their fans... Like for Portsmouth. Like, they always come out in great numbers to play in- for the away crowd in Portsmouth, to show support for AFC Wimbledon, but also to show support for the idea of owning your team. Oh no! Seb Brown... Not well-positioned there! Oh boy.

And that- I thought that was really cool. I thought- like, I saw a Portsmouth supporter- I was wearing an AFC Wimbledon shirt, um, in the Orlando airport recently, and a Portsmouth supporter walked up to me and said "hey, I just saw you're wearing an AFC Wimbledon shirt and I wanted you to know I support Portsmouth, and we're really looking forward to having you guys... here this year, and looking forward to the away game at Wimbledon." And I was like "wow! Thanks! Yeah! Also looking forward to it! Good luck this season!" That's crazy, right? Like, you would never have that, like a Manchester United fan would never walk up to me and say like "oh man, (laughing) really looking forward to playing Liverpool this season!"

Um... It's just a different kind of relationship that- and I thought that was really cool. The other thing... Uh, is that the team, in addition to like, sharing our values by being inclusive, being the first club in the football league in England to- to stand with the football fans against homophobia campaign, stuff like that... Is that the club is... You know, it's also like nerdfighteria in that it's run mostly by volunteers, in fact almost exclusively by volunteers. There are very few- oh my God. It should totally be two-nil.

There are very few players- uh, the players get paid, obviously - but you know, most of the concession staff are volunteers, most of the- you know, a lot of the people who do the sponsorships do it because they love the club and not for money. Um, the chairman of the club doesn't get paid. He gets paid uh, a Guinea a year, and when asked why he gets a paid a Guinea instead of a pound, he said that a Guinea sounded better.

You know what sounds- you know what sounds really good, Meredith? You know what's my personal favorite sound? (sings) Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Dicko, Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! Dick-o just scored a goal! (talks) The patron saint of lost crosses, K Sainte Luce, with a beautiful cross into who else but Dicko?!

And Dicko makes it one-one in the forty-fifth minute, and AFC Wimbledon is on the board- and ooooh, Dicko! DICKOOOOO! Dicko! DICKO! Dicko. (sings) A Wimbly Wombly scored a goal and Dicko was his name, (voice cracks) oh! (talks) Oh, wow, that was- that was bad! (sings) D-I-C-K-O! D-I-C-K-O! D-I-C-K-O! And Dicko was his name, oh!

(singing) One-nil down, to two-one up, that's the way we're gonna win the league! We were one-nil down, now we're two-one up! That's how we're gonna win the championship! (talks) Just rolls right off the tongue.

Ohhh, we were one-nil down and now we're two-one up. I love it! And you know how we did it, Meredith? Dicko! Dicko. D&D - that great buddy comedy, Dicko and Deeney with a fantastic first half. And Huddersfield Town was on the board - should have been two-nil! But suddenly, it's two to one, to the good guys!

What was I talking about in this episode, before Dicko took over my life and fulfilled all of my dreams? Oh right, why we play as AFC Wimbledon! Um... You know, so here's a club that's owned by its fans, that shares our values, that- where the people involved in it are really cool, and I thought, you know, if we have the opportunity to- if we have the opportunity to sponsor anybody, it should be a team like that!

Oh my gosh, is it gonna be Deeney? No. Oh my God, that was almost the goal of forever by K Sainte Luce. Can we just see a replay of it, because it was almost- I got really quiet because I was about to scream my head off! That would have been ridiculous. That would have been like uh, like Cristiano Ronaldo type of goal. I would have been singing are we Barça, are we Barça, are we Barça in disguise? I know he plays for Real Madrid! You know what I mean. Okay.

Anyway. Um... So it's been a- and then uh... You know, they play in South London so nerdfighters can actually go to the games. There's a lot of nerdfighters in London, and they can actually go.

Um... The club has completely embraced us even though they think it's a little bit weird. They're a little bit confused at times, but they- oh no! Like, oh gosh! It was offside! Everything worked out better than expected.

The actual AFC Wimbledon um, social media often comments on these games, which is very generous of them. Um, and er... You know, I just- it's just great fun! Like, it's so much more fun to be- to feel like you're an owner of the club. Um... And in fact, I AM an owner of the club, as are my kids. We all belong to the Dons Trust.

You can join the Dons Trust, there's a link in the dooblydoo. Um... And then you can be an owner of the club too, and you can know how awesome it is! It only costs, I think... Uh, $75 a year... About? Um, and uh, you know, it allows you to support the club directly and allows you to feel like an owner and in fact to be an owner! It is the Dons Trust that owns the club, not uh... Not a person, not a big corporation. Um... The actual supporters of the actual team. And that's really cool!

There are a few other teams in the football league, owned by their fans... But none like AFC Wimbledon, that started um, from the very bottom and worked their way into the football league. I mean, uh... They- you know, they had to win many, many promotions to get up- to get up from the amateur ranks to... To where they are now, a full-time- a full-time professional team.

So it's a really- it's just a really special story, and I love being a part of it, and I hope we get to be a part of it for a long, long time. Like, I wanna be rooting for AFC Wimbledon when they're back in the premier league, and I also wanna be sponsoring them. I still wanna be on their shorts when they're- can you imagine that, nerdfighteria shorts in the premier league?

Um, by the way, lots of people asking about kits, how you get kits. You can get them at the AFC Wimbledon shop, but if you live in the United States, the shipping is God-awful expensive. We are working- oh, God. Panic. PANIC! (sighs heavily) Dang it! James Hunt. The dog, it turns out, does hunt.

We tried to make a nice tackle there, and then... Oh man. Look who was way off the ball - it was girls just wanna have Fundingsrud, just sort of ball-watching there. That's a little disappointing, but uh... That's all entirely the manager's fault, so suddenly we've gone from two-one up to two-two tied - and that's not the way that you win the championship! That doesn't even begin to rhyme.

Um... We've gotta find a goal, and when we need to find a goal... We turn (heavily sighs) to two of the greatest men of all time... We turn to John Green and John Green. Uh, and we're also gonna turn to Kaz. Gonna take off less Moore, gonna bring on Kaz. We're gonna take off- I don't know if we can- I don't know if we can make all the substitutions I wanna make. I really wanna bring on Hells Pells.

Alright, we're gonna- I'll tell you what we're gonna do... We're gonna put back on less Moore, and we are gonna bring on the other John Green, 'cause they're a team. They work together! Alright, we're gonna make all three substitutions at once, just like the professional managers do... And we'll see- we'll see if we can find a way to nick a third goal. I- I don't think that it would be totally um, outside the realm of possibility, given how we've played. I like the way that we've looked, going forward. As usual, we look awful in the back, although that was a nice tackle!

Um... But, oh, the Gaulden child! Very quick to give up the ball right there. That's disappointing. I know that he's only nine - I know, but- look! But then he made a nice tackle! See, he's a complicated- he's a complicated child, uh, Gauld. I never know quite what to make of him- look, I mean he just got absolutely dominated there on the ball, but then he's probably gonna come back and do something ridiculous later in the game. He's such a fascinating character!

If you give a corner kick there, it's gonna be so bull! They did. That's such bull. That ball was going out of bounds and I didn't touch it. Typical FIFA 14 bull! Oh, that's a great tackle! Who- Francombstein! Ohhh, he's gonna do the mash! He's gonna do the monster mash! You got- yes, he got fouled from behind. That was naughty. Don't hurt Francombstein, he's a doctor, not a monster!

Go. There's we go! There we go! It's beautiful! It's Hells Pells! Oooooh! Bald John Green! Oh, my God. Part- doesn't part of you think that Dicko might have put that in the back of the net, Meredith? There's part of me that says- never wants to be an anti-Bald John Green person, because Bald John Green is an incredible finisher - one of the best finishers of his generation... But there is part of me that says I think John Green have might have finished that less well than Dicko would've.

That is- where is my foul?! I got fouled from behind! Francombstein! Angry. Unnecessarily slide-tackling. I love it! I love to see the passion out there in the eighty-eighth minute.

So that's why we play as the Wimbly Womblys, because it allows us to support a football team um... who I think really are worth our support. Now obviously like, it's football. It's not curing cancer, but um... But you know, if you're gonna do it, I think this is the right way.

Please, anything but a loss! Ohhh, my God. Oh no. Oh no. (mumbles and grumbles, sighs heavily) Arghhhhh! I'm sorry! This reminds me of the recent Wimbledon game where they were one-nil up and then it looked like- I was like "oh my gosh, Wimbledon are gonna be second in- they're gonna be near the top of the table in league two!" And I was already celebrating and then they gave up two ridiculous goals, missed a penalty and lost the game. And I was just devastated.

But wait, are we gonna find a way to salvage a point here? No! We aren't! I hate this stupid game! Frick burger! Ohhh, I'm sorry. Ahhhh, that's not gonna help our chances of staying in fifth! Alright, we're going into the transfer period in January, I'm gonna try hard to strengthen the squad. I'm sorry! Best wishes.