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Last sync:2023-01-17 11:00
In which hank continues his rant.
Okay, I don't want this to become a thing but I'm watching The Olympics again. And I see more, sort of, hilarious, hilarious products. First, I have to say, that right after I made that video last night, there was a continue at the Aquatics Centre races.

There was like this eight minute long race, the longest distance race. And it was an amazing race. But during the middle of the race, at a vital point in the race, by the way, they go to commercial! Like, during the...I mean it's not even live! They could have like, paused. And then picked up and showed me the fricking rest of the race! 

Like it's, so Katie Ledecky, 15-years-old, and absolutely amazing performance. And this girl, she, all the commentators are saying, 'She can't last. She can't do it,'. And like, the half-way point in the race comes around, like, she can't keep up at the pace she's going. And they go to commercial, and they come back, and she's like, two body lengths ahead of the person behind her! And like, I missed that! Because I had to see more fricking products...

Anyway, that's not why I'm here. Congratulations to Katie Ledecky, absolutely amazing race. Why I'm here, is because I just saw an advertisement. For something that just blows my mind. Tropicana 50. Top 50. Orange juice with 50% less orange juice. I went online, same freaking price as orange juice, people.

So here's how it works. They take orange juice, which is the product that they sell, and then they water it down. And then they sell that, for the same price as orange juice! Like, people of the world, can you do that yourself? There's water in your house, right? You know, you've got some artificial sweeteners, maybe some lemon juice. Like you can do this yourself. It's just citric acid, and Stevia, and orange juice! You can do this. The first ingredient in this product is water! You have that. Coming into your house, pretty much for free. 

So, like, what? Can you imagine the board meeting, where the guy proposed this idea? And he must have been flying high. He was like, 'Look. We've done some research, and we've determined that people will pay the same amount, for half as much orange juice if you put it in the same size bottle.'

What-the-frick-didi-jutt-je-watt-the-jee! I mean, come on, people! You go and you look, 'Oh, 50% fewer calories!'. Do you not then think, '50% less orange juice.' I can go and buy three dollars and fifty cents worth of orange juice and I could put my sweetener of choice, whether it's sugar or Stevia or NutraSweet, or whatever. I don't like anything except sugar, personally. 

Just, add it and citric acid! You can get it on eBay, if you want it. But, you know, it's just basically lemon juice, so just use that! I am embarrassed for the quality of humanity! That we! I mean, I apologize if you purchased Tropicana 50, but really, you could make it in your house. If you want half orange juice, don't pay twice as much for it!

I don't know, man. They must be living it up, in Tropicana Head Quarters. Just loving this, that they can sell half as much orange juice at the same price. I am astounded! Television! I learn so much!