Dr. Lindsey Doe: I'm Dr. Lindsey Doe, this is Sexplanations and today we have with us Jon Cozart, Disney expert and singer, who has an amazing YouTube channel called Paint.

-- Intro Cut Scene --


Dr. Doe: I would love to talk about the sex lives of Disney Princesses.

Jon: That's great. I'm fascinated by the sex lives of Disney Princesses..

Dr. Doe: We're making assumptions about their sex lives. I guess we don't have the actual knowledge of them. There isn't Disney Porn... that I know of.

Jon: (*laughing*) Can... Can I talk about that? There's definitely Disney Porn.

Dr. Doe: Okay, so this is how we are going to imagine their sex lives.

Jon: Yeah.

Dr. Doe: Not how they have maybe  been imagined. So let's start with your favorite Disney princess.

Jon: My favorite Disney princess is Mulan. 

Dr. Doe: What do you think her sex life is like?

Jon: I think Mulan can be bisexual. She seems open minded about gender and sexuality, so it's like, I feel like, she could be (at least) bi-curious.

Dr. Doe: Okay

Jon: But she is straight. They're all straight. Because that's the nature of Disney. But it's more fun to imagine if they're not.

Dr. Doe: And there's some cross-dressing in there, which we don't know if she gets off on or not.

Jon: Right. I mean she definitely doesn't have a problem with it.

Dr. Doe: Gender fluidity.

Jon: Yeah. Completely. Completely. It's pretty cool. Mulan's pretty badass. I love Mulan.

Dr. Doe: Least favorite?

Jon: Aurora! Aurora is my least favorite Disney Princess.

Dr. Doe: What is her sex life like?

Jon: She just like falls asleep, and then gets kissed when she's asleep. It's problematic.

Dr. Doe: It's rapey.

Jon: It's totes rapey.

Dr. Doe: Okay. So let's not. We're done with Aurora.

Jon: Yeah. Goodbye.

Dr. Doe: Who else do you like?

Jon: Ariel's interesting because she's half fish for most of the film, but she has a crush on a human.

Dr. Doe: So it's the opposite of bestiality?

Jon: (*laughing*) Exactly!

Dr. Doe: So what is Ariel's sex life like then?

Jon: I mean what... you have to talk about what... how does... how does a mermaid... procreate? Do they have vaginas? I don't think they do!

Dr. Doe: I mean she turns into a human being.

Jon: She does. She loves it. She craves it. She wants it. She wants to be human, she wants to have legs. She wants to be a human woman.

Dr. Doe: She's a transsexual. She has transitioned in her sexual genitalia.

Jon: I love that narrative.

Dr. Doe: And now we're on to Rapunzel.

Jon: She acts like a little girl because she's been sequestered her entire life.

Dr. Doe: Are you telling me a daddy story right now?

Jon: Oh no! Because Flynn Rider is also like a little boy - like he doesn't grow up until the end of the movie. Like such a... all of these, all of these women fall in love with their male cohorts.

Dr. Doe: Are they into bondage?

Jon: Rapunzel???

Dr. Doe: Like she ties him up with her hair, right?

Jon: I mean, definitely.

Dr. Doe: I'm just making all sorts of stuff up. 

Jon: I know. This - that really is the issue here is they're all kind of vanilla. They're all vanilla.

Dr. Doe: Are they though? Are you ready for this one? I had this idea about Merida.

Jon: Dude, I'm totally into this.

Dr. Doe: That she has a sex life that is very focused on masturbation. She doesn't need these other men and she's very good with a bow, so she's very strong, she knows hot to like get down with herself.

Jon: I love that theory.

Dr. Doe: Belle. You like Belle.

Jon: I'm a huge fan of Belle. I mean I think she's also a masturbator as well. And she like reads a lot of erotic fiction in my opinion.

Dr. Doe: Yes! Yes! Do you consider her to be into bestiality?

Jon: I mean she is absolutely attracted to the Beast. Jasmine... what is, what is the term for someone who doesn't like sex with someone casually? Like they have to- they have to be in a romantic...

Dr. Doe: Demi-sexual.

Jon: ... demi-sexual. So that's Jasmine. She has no interest in sex until she meets Aladdin, and even then it's like, he has to win her over like really hardcore. Like she's not impressed by his money or his position, or whatever, but she gets to know his heart, so it's like she's a demi-sexual.

Dr. Doe: All the demi-sexuals out there are like cheering "oh my gosh! they recognized me!" That's so great. Is Pocahontas the one that's on this list that's actually real?

Jon: Pocahontas was like 13 in real life. And it was like so problematic. So problematic.

Dr. Doe: Well then let's not talk about her. Did Snow White have sex with any of the dwarfs?

Jon: Did she have sex with any of the dwarfs. I think she's just a very traditional Snow White, traditional kind of lady. But there's so much...

Dr. Doe: Man on top.

Jon:... yeah.

Dr. Doe: (*imitating Snow White*) "I'm done. I don't need to come."

Jon: (*laughing*)... yeah. Obviously the man is valued in that.

Dr. Doe: (*imitating Snow White*) "What's a female orgasm?"

Jon: Tiana is a princess who like owns her own destiny. She does fall for a guy who's like totally immature or whatever, but like that doesn't stop her or sidetrack her from her true goal of being like... owning a restaurant, cooking and being self-sufficient. I love the idea that she just doesn't have a lot of sex. Or like, she has sex out of a utilitarian desire to like have a child. But I do think she's- she can fall in love, and she's romantic, but I don't think she like sexualizes him - the Prince dude, at all.

Dr. Doe: So maybe he's... what's that called? he's her beard. And she's actually into women.

Jon: (*gasps*) I can so see that being a thing. I could so  see it. She has that best friend who's like the governor's daughter. Come on. There's something going on there.

Dr. Doe: Do you consider Nala a Disney Princess?

Jon: Nala? Nnnnn....yeah? Sure... why not? (*laughing*)

Dr. Doe and Jon: *singing the opening line of "The Circle of Life"*

Dr. Doe: I think that they have the best sex life. That scene where they're romping around in the water?

Jon: Oh my gosh, we saw their sex life. That's like the only freaking thing. No. no. They were having sex in that.

Dr. Doe: You want to know something about cat sex?

Jon: Yes.

Dr. Doe: The penis of the cat, when it goes in, has all these spikes, so that it scratches the inside of her vagina, and stimulates ovulation.

Jon: You're kidding!

Dr. Doe: Nala. Poor Nala.

Jon: Like as... oh, golly!

Dr. Doe: But she's having a great sex life. So don't worry. They're so playful and so happy.

Jon: Yeah, and also like they're tigers- they're lions. Like... they like it rough. Come on.

Dr. Doe: We're back to BDSM.

Jon: Oh gosh.

Dr. Doe: Anyways, let us know your Disney fanfics in the comments, and please check out Jon's channel because it's amazing.

Dr. Doe and Jon: Stay Curious!


-- Outtakes --

Jon: Like the Beast is supposed to be really ugly from like the old folks tales, whatever? but Disney made him pretty hot.

Dr. Doe: ... are you into bestiality?

Jon: (*laughing*) I don't know! There's Disney Porn about this.