Good morning, Hank.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "My older brother really needs a hair cut." Well, Hank, I have one thing to say to that: NEVER! Hank, the reason I haven't got a hair cut recently is that I'm trying to set an all-time, personal best puff level.

A record currently held by two year old me who looked like a girl. Now, Hank, you're probably saying, "John, your hair and your head can't even fit in the same video frame. Surely you have a higher puff level now then you did back then in this picture when your puff level was probably only three inches." But, Hank, you're forgetting something important.

At the time of my record puff level, I, myself, was only thirty-three inches tall. That means that my puff was one eleventh of my size. Well, obviously Hank, since then my body has grown, so if I'm gonna break the record my puff level is gonna have to grow too.

One eleventh of seventy-two inches would be like...eleven in mmm Hank, I think I'm going to have to call nerdfighter resident mathematician and future state representative Daniel Biss. I did a really good job of saying that. Uh what's one eleventh of seventy-two?

Are you serious? You did it that fast? Alright thanks. 6.54545454545454 into infinity Hank, do you want to know why we need state representatives like Daniel Biss?

It's because it took him less than one second to figure out what one eleventh of seventy-two is. Hank, with those kinds of math skills, Daniel Biss is gonna pwn the Illinois state budget every year. So, Hank, long story short: if I'm gonna break my personal puff level record I still have two inches to go.

I'm gonna do my best, but I bet the Yeti's gonna stop me from getting there. Oh, Hank, speaking of Daniel Biss, on Super Tuesday, Daniel Biss won his primary election 100% to 0%. Admittedly, he was unopposed, but still those are good numbers.

Oh, and that reminds me, Daniel is also a finalist for two Golden Dot Awards. I dunno what the Golden Dot Award is, but I want him to win it. And, Hank, I'm gonna ask all nerdfighters to go vote for Daniel here, or here, or possibly here because he's up against some pretty stiff competition.

In fact, Hank, in one of the categories he's nominated alongside John McCain, John Edwards, and Mitt Romney's five sons. Alright, I gotta, I gotta take the hair down a notch. I have to tell you the truth, Hank.

I'd begun to think that maybe the world of the in your pants joke had reached its natural conclusion; we'd found the funniest books that you could pair with in your pants. And then I received an e-mail from nerdfighter Alyssa Rourke . While checking in books for third graders, Alyssa made an important discovery: Pooh Gets Stuck...

IN YOUR PANTS! In your pants! Pooh Gets Stuck in your pants.

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you A. A. Milne, the people at Dutton who decided to rip A.

A. Milne off and turn his books into easy-readers, the person who came up with the title Pooh Gets Stuck. THANK YOU ALL!

Hank, lastly, I'd like to address something sad that I think is on all of our minds right now: it's Valentine's Day. Now Hank, look, I have the Yeti, you have the Katherine; things have worked out pretty well for us. But it wasn't always that way.

And if you don't believe me you can ask any of the fifty-four girls who dumped me before I met the Yeti. Now, Hank, obviously you and I are living proof that sometimes a nerd meets another nerd and they fall in nerd love, but the fact of the matter is that romance doesn't always come easily to nerdfighters. The only time I really, fully enjoyed Valentine's Day was in, like, third grade when I had to make a Valentine for everybody and everybody had to make a Valentine for me because, you know, that was the only day that everybody in third grade was nice to me.

So here's my idea for to try to recreate that third grade Valentine's Day feel. After we all go vote for Daniel Biss, we all head over to the Ning, and everybody makes comments in this video at the Ning. And then we use those comments to go to each other's profiles to say hi to each other, Happy Valentine's Day, to make little comments on each other's profiles to try to make sure everybody's happy.

Maybe we can even make some new friends on the Ning. So then instead of Valentine's Day being a day full of suck, Valentine's Day will be the day that you made new friends. Hank, Happy Valenpenis Day, thanks for being awesome, and as the kitty hath wrote: kthxbai.