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In which many goals are scored. And John talks about his high school self's inability to score.

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Is it a goal you're looking for? Mionel Richie!

Tumblr is just in every way... Oooohohoho!

Which is, you know... Oh! Oh! Oh! Ooooh! He's a finisher!

We call him Bob! We call... Doh! It's a beautiful goal from Other John Green.

You're asking me what the best way to meet girls is? I don't know, hit the club?

Oh and it's still a goal! It's still a goal thanks to Other John Green! Oh!

How many times do I have to push the B-button to make it go!? Probably just once.

It's certainly not that, um... Oho! It's in the net! James Collins. You may not have a song but you know how to hit the ball with your head.

Not that... Oh yeah!

...variety of reasons in the story he just does - Ohoho! From way outside!

Don't mind me. I'm just a man who dreams of a team of gingers.

...point where we can talk about probabilities! Ohohoho!

Still unable to score. Um, God, I haven't had a, I mean, this is like high school all of a sudden. I just cannot get it done.

Oh, Leroy Williamson! Leroy William... Ahaho!

...of a female voice. Ohohoho! From way outside.

And have I told this story in a Swoodilypoopers video before, Meredith? Oooooh!

Please! What a goal! What a goal!

Oooh! Get in! Get in! Oh!

Mmm. You know what's the best color of eggs? Green! Come here. Come get some.

Having known... Ooooh! Take a bow!

Um, I do love... Oh! From nothing! Oh!

Am I a hipster? You're not a hipster? Doh! There's a goal!

Oh! Tell me it's not. Oh, it is, of course.
"Andy Rooney, Andy Rooney,
Andy Rooney has a soul."

Taking it in! Itsadergeheg! Leroy Williamson!

Am I a man or a Muppet? I mean, if you're a Muppet how are you typing?

Maybe we'll get a consolation goal here or something. Consolation goal! Yes! The best kind of goal.

It's gotta be. And it is! And it is! Oh! Oh!
"We call him Bob,
We call him Bob,
He's Väyrynen,
But we call him Bob."

Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks scores the third goal. I thought she had died but then she's back and she's murderous.