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In which John delivers the exciting news that his book, An Abundance of Katherines, has just been optioned by the production company East of Doheny, and then discusses his renewed passion for resolving the WGA strike with a fair contract for screenwriters. And briefly discusses the Jonas Brothers. (OH MY GOD! THE JONAS BROTHERS! OH MY GOD!)


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A Bunny
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Good morning Hank, it's Monday, December 10th and I have very exciting news!

Whenever she watches the videos, Sarah always makes fun of me because when I get excited, I talk in a really high-pitched voice, so I'm gonna try to do that again. Good morning Hank, it's Monday, December 10th and I have [deep voice] very exciting news! Nah, that doesn't work.

It just doesn't sound genuinely excited. I mean, I understand why it's hard for my wife to accept, but the fact of the matter is that my genuine excited voice is the voice of fangirl. I mean, if I'm like, [deep voice] "I have very exciting news," everyone will be like, "No, he doesn't.

He's full of it." But if I'm like [high-pitched voice] "Oh my God, Hank, I have such exciting news!" then everyone's gonna be like, "That guy is really excited. I know, because he sounds like an eleven-year-old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert." Anyway, Hank, you may recall that the last time I had very exciting news, the very exciting news was that I had just finished cataloging my home library. Now, Hank, I certainly don't wanna take anything away from the Herculean task that is cataloging one's home library, but this news is even more exciting!

Hank, you may recall that last year, I published a book called "An Abundance of Katherines." It's gonna be a movie! Hopefully, one day, eventually. Hank, the "Katherines" movie deal has been in the works for a really, really long time, but over the weekend, everyone finally agreed to everything and now it's done and I can tell you about it and I'm very excited that "Katherines" is going to be a movie!

Hopefully, one day, eventually. By the way, the reason I keep saying, "Hopefully, one day, eventually" is that these things take a long time, like, for instance, my first novel, "Looking for Alaska", has been in movie development for, like, a year and a half now and is still in development. Another good example of how long it could take, is the excellent book "Beowulf", which was released, I believe, 1100 years ago and then the movie came out last month.

But "An Abundance of Katherines: The Movie" will have a much smaller budget than "Beowulf: The Movie", so hopefully we'll be able to get it going a little faster. Hank, there are several reason why I'm really excited that East of Doheny optioned "An Abundance of Katherines" to turn it into a movie, reason one is that I've always thought that it could be kind of a funny, cool, interesting movie. Reason two is that East of Doheny is an awesome production company that's interested in a lot of the same kinds of movies I'm interested in.

And reason three is that they want me to write the screenplay. And that's very exciting because I've always wanted to write a screenplay and, plus, I think it would be great fun to hang out with Hassan and Lindsey and all the other characters from "And Abundance of Katherines" and also, like a lot of authors, I'm very excited about the idea of having some creative control over the movie that gets made out of my book. So, of course I would like to write the screenplay for "An Abundance of Katherines", but, unfortunately, I'm on strike.

That's right, Hank, I'm striking in my jammy pants! Hey, hey! Pencils down!

Hollywood's a union town! And so, I guess, is Indianapolis! I know I need to work on my chanting, Hank, but I've only been on strike for, like, one day.

Hank, I don't know if you heard, but the studio moguls, showing the kind of fortitude and generosity of spirit for which they're widely respected, walked away from the negotiating table last week. Now, Hank, I know that the studio moguls are watching our show, because God knows they're not watching the crap they're putting television right now. American Gladiators?

Really? That's what you're gonna bring back? And I have a little message for the studio moguls: Get back to the table!

As Hassan would say, "Daddy wants to make a movie." So Hank, that's my very exciting news. I'm sorry that my pitch got so high, but I'm very, very happy! I'm so happy that I forgive you for saying in your last video that I lie about my height, when you and I both know that I'm really, genuinely, six feet, one inches tall.

Or, at least, I am now! Hank, I want to say a quick thanks to everyone at East of Doheny for believing in my book and to all the agents and everybody who made this happen. I'm sorry about the thing on my nose, but, trust me, it looked worse before I popped it.

I'll see you tomorrow.