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In which John Green acknowledges the need for punishment and answers many questions about books. Leave your punishment suggestions for me (and Hank!) in comments.


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A Bunny
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So Hank, I just voted early here in Indiana and I got this sticker that says "I vote count." Now I may not have perfect grammar but I'm almost positive that "I vote count" isn't a sentence, but I'm thinking maybe they like, cut off something at the bottom. Like obviously "I vote count" isn't a sentence but maybe what they meant to say was "I vote Count... Chocula."

So obviously Hank I didn't do my Question Tuesday video last week, which means I'm gonna get punished. (Does happy dance) Now you may be wondering why I'm doing my happy dance, it's because you're gonna get punished too! That's right Hank. Number one, you lost the Peeps contest, even though technically you didn't participate, and number two last week you made a video that was more than four minutes long that didn't include a photo montage and everyone knows that the vlogbrothers are not allowed to make videos of more than four minutes unless there is a montage. So Nerdfighters, please leave suggestions for how we should be punished in comments. Should it be a shared punishment? Should it be some kind of like, dual punishment? I don't know. We've never had a simultaneous punishment before. But now, belatedly, on to some book questions.

Paper Towns, dedicated to the Nerdfighters, or no?
No, although you are in the acknowledgments.

What's your favorite reference book about Islam?
No God but God by Reza Aslan.

Who would win a fight between E. Lockhart and Libba Bray?
Surprisingly, Maureen Johnson.

Will you ever write a sequel to one of your books?
Probably not, but I might write a sequel to a non-existent book.

Who's your favorite German writer?
Me. Just kidding. Goethe. Goethe has individual sentences that pwn my entire body of work. Plus, Goethe would have never said pwned.

Whats your favorite book title to add "in your pants" to?
At the moment I'm pretty fond of Amy Krouse Rosenthal's Little Pea in your pants.

I'm interested in conjoined twins, what are your favorite books on the subject?
Boy have you come to the right place. I'm one of the few people who own more books about conjoined twins than there are actual conjoined twins living in the world. My favorite conjoined twins non-fiction, One of Us by Alice Dreger. Favorite fiction, I'm not gonna go with the obvious pick, I'm gonna go with God's Fool by Mark Slouka.

Who is the most interesting author you've ever met?
I find Judy Blume very interesting.

How long is Paper Towns?
Umm... if you count the acknowledgments it's 308 pages.

If you could write a biography of any famous person, who would it be?

What's going on with those people who are trying to ban Looking for Alaska?
The made of awesome school board of Depew, New York voted unanimously to keep Alaska in the curriculum.

If you and Hank were characters in the book Into Thin Air would you survive?
I mean, absolutely, unambiguously no. I would die on the walk to Everest.

How come your web site is called
It's taken from a line in the book of Job, "Man is born to trouble like the sparks fly upwards."

If the Yeti were a vampire would you want her to bite you so that you could spend eternity together?
Well, first off, your question presumes that I'm not a vampire, which offends me. I mean, how do you know that I'm not a vampire? I'm very pale. I've got bronze hair. I mean, I'd be pretty fat for a vampire, but it's totally possible.

Is there a book in print you wish you'd written?
Yes, I wish I'd written all of them. I mean, think how rich I would be if I'd written every book in print.

What's your favorite personification of death in literature?
It's in the Andrew Marvell poem "To His Coy Mistress," who is not yet in his pants.

Any favorite poets other than Walt Whitman?
(Holds up E.E. Cummings, Selected Poems) "And kisses are a better fate than wisdom lady, I swear by all flowers." (Holds up The Portable Dorothy Parker) "I like a martini, two at the very most, after three I'm under the table, after four I'm under the host." (Holds up Emily Dickinson, Final Harvest) "I see thee better in the dark, I do not need a light." Where is the Langston Hughes book? What is the point of having a cataloged home library when I can't find Langston Hughes?

What are your favorite last words from an author?
Emily Dickinson's last words were pretty good. She said "I must go in, the fog is rising." But my favorite last words related author story is this: Edna St. Vincent Millay died by tumbling down a flight of stairs, her head landed on a poem that she'd been working on. The last line of that poem? "Beautiful this day, no matter who has died."

What do you think Shakespeare would vlog about?
The poor quality of insults on Youtube. By the way Nerdfighters, for punishing me, you're a bunch of fat-kidneyed gudgeons. That's right, I called you a gudgeon.

What's your opinion on Catcher in the Rye?
It's excellent, and if you disagree with me, and I say this respectfully, you're wrong.

What's your favorite line in Hamlet?
"The rest is silence."