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Edited by Tim Thomas


Katherine: *singing the music from Super Mario 3D World*

Hank: Hello and welcome to Games with Hank, I'm Hank and this is Katherine and it is Wii Wednesdays. Um...

Katherine: I like the music.

Hank: I like the music too. And we are, uh, on the second world of Super Mario 3D World, and we are not doing so bad, I guess. It is a game for children though.

Katherine: *laughs* The shadows, the shadows were difficult, but not as difficult as diagonal pathways.

Hank: Yeah, the stop moving! With the this thing! I need to get the this system set up for better controllering.

Katherine: This is... not good.

Hank: You need that to play this course? I don't have that, it's in the other, it's in the other house.

Katherine: Uh, well...

Hank: It's in the other studio.

Katherine: We'll play that later.

 World 2- Slot Machine (0:50)  

Hank: Play it later. Let's go to the jackpot. Pot o' Jacks! Alright, come over here baby.

Katherine: Alright, get under the thing.

Hank: Get under this thing.

Katherine: Get under the box.

Hank: One, two, three, jump... Aww. That's terrible news. One, two, three, jump. Well, we got those at least.

Katherine: Wop.

Hank: Wop wop. Womp womp.

Katherine: Wop wop. Those little baby beans.

Hank: Those little baby beans. We got a life out of it.

Katherine: What's this little circus down here?

Hank: Circus? Oh, there's a little circus down here. I don't know, let's find out. (singing) It's the big top, in the de-sert, and there's a li-ttle stamp and there's a li-ttle fairy and I'm jum-pin' high, I'm going up in the air, and like I'm so awesome, I'm like.

Katherine: Wow. You just avoided the word sky after high.

Hank: *laughs*

Katherine: Just cuz, that was a conscious artistic choice.

Both: Jum-pin high, I'm going up in the air. *laughing*

Katherine: No, I think I mean, I could see you making that choice consciously. You know.

Hank: I didn't.

Katherine: Well.

 World 2-4 Really Rolling Hills (2:10)

Hank: And then I was like, "What rhymes with air?" and I was like, "Michael Jordan."

Katherine: *laughs* No. No.

Hank: What are you?

Katherine: Put me out!

Hank: I killed it. Or, I, I didn't kill it. I had to kick it again. What are you little rats doing. Uh, taking my crown and being mean.

Katherine: No... (pause) I'm going to go around the rats.

Hank: I'm not sure why I felt like that was necessary, but I still feel something so I'm going to kill them both. And now we're free of their scourge.

Katherine: This button has your initial on it. 

Hank: It only was for me. Only I can get those points. That is what it is like- that is what privilege is. That is how privilege functions. Where are you going my brother?

Katherine: Well there's this thing right here that I thought maybe I would investigate.

Hank: There's kitty.

Katherine: Cuz it might have kitty bell in it.

Hank: Aww. I guess that is acceptable. I'm hungry. I would like a cake. Get up there, go up there. No, that's me. Oh, you got me up there, thanks!

Katherine: *silence*

Hank: *laughs*

Katherine: *starts crying*

Hank: Oh, oh, oh I'm sorry, I'll give it to you. I can't. (pause) It makes a little 'pink' glass noise. What? Are you doing the kitty butt dance!? You're doing a butt dance right now! Ooh, I got a one-up. Oh my God, you're doing the butt dance.

Katherine: *squeaks*

Hank: It's the kitty butt dance.

Katherine: Kitty butt dance, kitty butt dance!

Hank: All I do is poop. All I do is poop. All I do is poop, poop, poop in the bathroo-oom. All I... poop is poop.

Katherine: Wow, this is like the song that a two year old sings.

Hank: Well, I'm playing a video game so... I can be whoever I want to be, and you have to be up there and I can be down here because I can't go up there. Because I am not a kitt- YAA I just got eaten! I just got consumed by a thing.

Katherine: Aww.

Hank: You going to go steal my crown now? You just stole my crown.

Katherine: Yeah.

Hank: (pause) Come on, I wanna be a kitty. Gimme the kitty. Wow. *laughs* I knocked your fricking hat off. Aw.

Katherine: There's a baseball... Wait.

Hank: Oh, oh sorry, I did it. (pause) Oh, no, it's for me.

Katherine: Yeah, you notice how I ran in the opposite direction of it? Cuz I'm a nice person.

Hank: Yeah, well, nice. What does that get ya? It's only good in hand grades and lemonade.

Katherine: Hand grades? Hand grades!? *laughs* Hand grades!

Hank: And lemonade.

Katherine: You know, hand grades.

Hank: (imitating Mario) Ya, ya.

Katherine: What is this space for?! Why is it here if there's nothing up there?

Hank: Close only counts in something and hand grenades... Close only counts in... Horseshoes! Horseshoes and hand grenades. I got it Katherine, I got it. Everything's fine.
I'm a kitty!

Katherine: *laughs*

Hank: You've got to go down. Even for kitties this wall is too high. Alright, well. 

Katherine: Just get in the pipe!

Hank: That was a funny little butt scoot.

Katherine: I tried to get in the pipe. 

Hank: O-oh... well, you get all of those.

Katherine: No, you're the, you're the yellow kitty. You are in the front.

Hank: Oh.

Katherine: You got all of those.

Hank: I did. And I kicked the bad thing.

Katherine: Oh my God. Come on, come on kitty, let's go, there we go.

Hank: You go up there, I go down here. (pause) Ooh, double kitty. You want to kill those? Yeah. I'm gonna go in here.

Katherine: *sees coins and screams*

Hank: Aww! I didn't know there was a giant...

Katherine: Ahh coins!

Hank: Oh, I killed people with baseballs.

Katherine: Come on, light up the floor, light up the floor!

Hank: I didn't know there was a rule! Go up, up the thing.

Katherine: Oh my God. Get off the wall, cat!

Hank: *laughs* And you get the star? Oh my God, are you serious? I have a ball.

Katherine: Cool. Let's, can we go in the pipe now? Cool.

Hank: I'd love to, I'd love to. Aww, I dropped the ball.

Katherine: Yeah, we come out the same place, yay! Oh, Jesus.

Hank: (pause) Okay then, this is for me.

Katherine: You jerk, you jerk!

Hank: Well, I...

Katherine: ... am a jerk!

Hank: Am just trying to play the game. What's up in this one? Oh, I-I'm so glad I went down there.

Katherine: Not everyone is a kitty, you know.

Hank: Yeah not everyone... *gasps* You better get your hat back on. You better get your hat back on.

Katherine: Get off of me! Wow, kitty.

Hank: (pause) Yeah, yeah, I still didn't jump the way that you jump. I don't get it.

Katherine: Well, if you're a kitty, you can just run up it.

Hank: I know, but that's not... that doesn't solve my long term problem.

Katherine: *sings the music*

Hank: Shockwave! ... from Macromedia Flash.

Both: *laughing* ... AWH.

Katherine: So close!

Hank: Awh, man, just cause you were wearing the crown is the only reason you have more points than me.

Katherine: Aww, so close.

Hank: So close.

Katherine: I have to pee now.

Hank: You have to pee now?

Katherine: Is, is now... a bad time for that?

Hank: Can we wait until we kill this thing?

Katherine: Okay, sure.

Hank: Let's go kill it and then we'll pee. Together. I didn't look at what that said.

Katherine: Doesn't matter. Each character has a different... oh, you know what? I think Luigi might be able to jump higher or farther...

 World 2-A Big Galoomba Blockade (9:31)

Hank: Oh, Luisi just jumps farther.

Katherine: Farther than... 

Hank: Farther.

Katherine: Luisi?

Hank: Luisi- oh God, they're big. (pause) Oh no, no, no, no, no. Oh, get into that fire.

Katherine: Dang it!

Both: *laughing*

Katherine: You missed all the coins again too because you went straight for the star! 

Hank: I did, cuz you were going straight for the star too and you know it.

Katherine: No.

Hank: Yeah.

Katherine: No.

Hank: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Katherine: That's not what was happening.

Hank: That was close. It would have been amazing if you had still won. Got an extra star. *sings along to music*

Katherine: The pink box, what's the pink box?

Hank: Oh, it's the thing that we can't...

Katherine: Lucky box? Are you sure?

 World 2-block Mystery House Melee (10:33)

Hank: Mystery House Melee... I have no idea. Apparently both of us get to do this one. "Welcome to the Mystery House. There is one star in each room, do your best to get all of them. Good luck, now get going."

Katherine: We have to kill things? We have to kill things?

Hank: I don't know. It's a mystery. Yes, we have to kill things.

Katherine: I don't know, things can help.

Hank: What? What are you talking about? (pause) You got the star, okay. You got the star, I got the brew, we got two choices of what we can do.

Katherine: You cannot have that. Get out of that.

Hank: What? You, you have other concerns right now, my dear.

Katherine: Yeah, killing that goomba. 

Hank: What, did you, were you mad at me for wearing your hat?

Katherine: No, no, no.

Hank: Oh, I thought you were mad at me for wearing your hat. 

Katherine: No, the goomba, when you knock it out of its shell for the first time, can go back into its shell.

Hank: (muttering)

Katherine: But if...

Hank: Alright, alright, it gets back into its shell.

Katherine: You have to keep it from doing that.

Hank: I get it now.

Katherine: That's what I was talking about.

Hank: I can kill them. You cannot. No, because you are not a kitty. AHHH I'm terrible!!

Katherine: *laughs* It was like 'ah'.

Hank: 'Ah'.

Katherine: 'Ah'.

Hank: 'Ah'.

Katherine: 'Ah'.

Hank: 'Ah'.

Katherine: 'Ah'.

Hank: It's like, the think is here and I'm like 'huh', 'huh', 'huh'. 'Wait, let my try this way... huh'.

Katherine: God, careful.

Hank: And I fell off the couch.

Katherine: Almost.

Hank: Awhh, that's too bad. What, what's too bad, what happened? But at least you get to keep every star you've collected so far. Come back when you're ready to try for the rest. We've got three of them. We almost got four.

Katherine: Oh there's... five? 

Hank: There's five, yeah. There's five.

Katherine: Oh. Kay. What are the stars for?

Hank: Uh, they help... if you... you have to collect a certain number of them in order to play the castle.

Katherine: Get the castle. Okay, uh... one-up mushroom? 

Hank: Uhh... yeah. How do you get that? You sneaky. You sneaky. Like this.

Katherine: I'm coming. Look at the kitty coming. Look at it.

Hank: Yeah you- nobody wants to see that. Your butt.

Katherine: Oh my God, are you kidding me? Look how cute it is.

Hank: Everybody wants to see that.

Katherine: Yeah, you're wrong. So wrong.

Hank: What happens if we keep going forever? We get back to where we started, okay. Thank you for watching. Katherine has to go to the bathroom. So thanks for watching this episode of Games with Hank.

Katherine: I had some tea.

Hank: I'm Hank, this is Katherine, and the game has been Super Mario Wii... Brothers, uh, World 3D. 

Katherine: Super Mario 3D World.

Hank: Super Mario Wii Brothers 3D, Wii. 

Katherine: World.

Hank: Super Mario World Brothers 3D Wii. Thank you for watching, uh, this, uh, um, hmm. This has been Wii Wednesdays and Katherine has been joining me and I thank you for doing that.

Katherine: Blehhhh.

Hank: Hmm. DFTBA.