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Uploaded:2014-08-11
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In which John talks about viral meningitis. The Wimbly Womblys play Birmingham City.

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Hello and welcome to Hank Games Without Hank! My name is John Green. I'm  the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys currently in 15th place, your Wimbly Womblys moving along in 15th.

Um, today I'm going to talk about - uh - viral meningitis because I have it. It makes my head hurt. I don't really wanna talk about anything else. umm, I- my video about this- will be about this tomorrow too so you guys will get lots of viral meningitis talk but first, John Green and John Green starting up front - teammates in life and in love. Uum, on the verge, I have been told of a big announcement, but I haven't been told what kind of announcement. Are they leaving AFC Wimbledon in the capable hands of Houdini and, oh, what a- what a ball! Husband to husband, that was some hot-hot action! Or are they, are they announcing, um, something  else, no-one knows, but I've been told that we should know soon, but, yes, they may, yes, that's the update. I don't really have, the update is that I don't have an update, except that I have heard that there will be an announcement from the John Greens themselves.

So, umm, yeah I had viral meningitis or I guess I have viral meningitis since my head still hurts a lot, umm, which is a pretty serious disease, uhh, its brain fever essentially. Your meninges-itis. Your meninges - are umm, this lining around your brain and your spinal cord, umm, very useful, I recommend that yours never itis if at all possible. Bald John Green! Nope. K Sainte-Luce? Patron saint of lost crosses - what a ball! Ohhh. Oh, Ya Bamba almost scored Meredith. Wouldn't that have been great, in my time of great physical need, to have been able to have sung a Ya Bamba song? It would have been great for both of us because you love that song too.

Um, so I- I had a headache. I woke up one Sunday morning with a headache - I actually had it late Sunday night and then I woke up, took some Advil and I wasn't feeling very good. Didn't feel that bad, though. But my headache got worse and worse, and then Monday afternoon, I went- I was in really bad shape, I started to get a fever, so I texted Dr Aaron Carroll, the host of Healthcare Triage. Meredith have you ever text Dr Carroll with medical questions? Oh, do you go up to him in person? Yeah, Dr Carroll is like - he's essentially become- we don't have benefits here at the office. Nobody has health insurance. I just make them suffer. Oh, gosh, speaking of suffering, John Green - get there! Oh. Um, we were about to make Bournemouth suffer - who are we playing today? Nobody knows. Birmingham! Birmingham, the greatest city in Alabama. You can travel all over this land, but there ain't no place like Birmingham. I don't know if that's one of- if that one's about Alabama or England, but anyway!

So I texted Aaron and Aaron was like, as long as- I was like, my neck is stiff and I have a headache, and he was like, as long as you don't have a fever over 101, he was like, I would stay home, but you're getting me nervous now. I'm gonna shoot, Ya Bamba's gonna shoot- OH Ya Bamba! What? It's in the go- what? Can I see a replay please? Yes, it was very tight in the shot and then - oh, that was a save?! Unrealistic. Nobody saves Ya Bamba, far post. Certainly not the Birmingham keeper.

Oh, that's a nice ball! Bald John- ohhh! Schmergaberg. Alright, erm. So anyway, Aaron was like, if you get a fever, you should go to the emergency room. Flash forward to like, eleven o'clock. I had a fever, and I was like, I guess I gotta go to the emergency room. But I drove myself, because I was really annoyed about it. I don't like going to the emergency room - it's a pain in the butt, and erm- sometimes literally! Although this time just a pain in the lower back.

So, but I had- you know, at that point, I had by far the worst headache of my life. I mean, I wouldn't even call it a headache really. I had this thing that was like a headache times a million. And it was just unbelievably painful. So I went in and they gave me- pretty quickly they gave me morphine and then they ended up doing a CT scan and also a lumbar puncture, which is where they drain some spinal fluid out of the bottom of your spine, which is pretty uncomfortable. I can't recommend that in good faith. It's a little bit like an epidural, for those of you who've given birth, but it's actually much worse. Um, because the epidural just goes kind of to the outside of your spine, and this goes in- all the way in. It was nasty.

Anyway! Anyway. I had a really good doctor in the emergency room, very grateful to him, very grateful to my neurologist as well, Dr Bat. I know he's a big Wimbly Womblys fan (laughs) so he's probably watching this. Just kidding. He had no idea who I was. Um, on the last day he was like, um, some of the nurses said that you have got a movie? And I was like "kinda!" I don't know, when I think "you got a movie", I think that you made money from it, which I didn't.

But anyway! So, I was- yeah, eventually I was admitted to the hospital because they thought I had meningitis and if you have bacterial meningitis, that's like super super super serious. Like, you can die about 15% of the time, whereas with viral meningitis, maybe die 1% of the time. So, much better. If you're gonna get meningitis, this is the kind to get.

Um, and I got the feeling that my neurologist doesn't get to deliver good news very often because he was just- he kept being so delighted! He would in- he would be like I have great news" You definitely have viral meningitis. And it's the most painful kind you can possibly have. And I would be like "wow, that is great news!" And he would be like, but you're gonna be fine! This is great! And I was like yeah, I mean, I don't know. Five days ago I WAS actually fine! In a perfect world we would just- I would have that again!

Anyway, kept me hopped up on morphine for a few days- you know, it only occurs to me now that I didn't watch- look at Bald John Green, look at Bald John- uhh! God, what a beautiful man. He runs like a, like an out of control horse! He runs like a wild horse that won't be tamed. Speaking of which, oh, what a pass! God, that's when you know they love each other. That's when you know- uhh. Other John Green a little too heavy on the touch and somebody- I'm starting to hear chants for Deeney and Dicko! But it's not time yet guys, come on. Be patient, be patient with these two men. They've got a lot going on in their personal lives as well as in their professional lives, so it's not like Deeney and Dicko, who can be totally- totally- what? Mmm, I maybe would have gone for the shot there if I'd known my buttons from my other buttons, but I didn't.

So. Yeah, so for like two and a half days I was in the hospital on a morphine drip that was very- you know, that did definitely help. Um, at the time I kept being like, oh it's not helping, and then I got off the morphine and I was like, yeah it was helping! So yeah, it's just extremely painful and I feel pretty crappy. Mike Green? That's my dad! That's weird that my dad would play for Birmingham, although I guess he did live there for a while. (mumbles) The one in Alabama, not the one in England. Is this- are we playing the one in Alabama or the one in England, Meredith? Do you have any science on that? No science, okay. Well, it could be either! We could be playing the Birmingham Alabama All-stars of soccer.

Oh wow, what a- that was great stuff though, Birmingham. Very impressive. Or we could be playing Birmingham England, we don't know. And we'll likely never know. This will probably be lost to the annals of history. It's like erm, you know, those big important questions that never- oh, what a ball! What a ball! Over the top! Ohhhh. That Birmingham keeper, with that sweet southern style!

Is Birmingham in the south of England, or in the midlands or in the north? Or is it in Scotland? Is it in Ireland? Nobody knows for sure. That's another thing that historians don't know. No, you can't Google it, because people actually haven't figured it out yet. They don't know. It's like- oh! Oh! I think that was Francombstein.

Gaulden child. Gaulden child! Oh! The Gaulden Child, he was- yes! He was fouled! I agree sir, great point. Alright, we're gonna try, we're gonna try to do something extraordinary here. We're gonna try to score a goal, you ready? Not good. Godddd, I'm so bad at that! (sighs) (whispers) fregeberg.

Sixty sixth minute. I know that we need Deeney and Dicko, but I just can't- it's hard to imagine a world in which Deeney and Dicko are stronger than John Green and John Green. Well, first off, the Gaulden Child is just flat out exhausted, the poor thing. He's only twelve years old and I've worked him so hard. It's hard out there for a Gaulden Child! I am gonna bring on Dicko, and I am gonna bring on Deeney. I just- I feel that it's the right thing to do for the club, and I know that you have to make all three substitutions at once, because that's how the professionals do it.

Um, yeah, so. And now I've been out of the hospital for three or four days and I still feel pretty bad, to be honest with you. I still feel pretty crappy. This is my first day back in the office, and- it's about half a day, er, I just don't feel good. I've got a headache and still have to take pain medication for my headache, and uh, it just kind of sucks. So. I don't know. I mean, I've been told that I'll get gradually better, and I believe the doctors. But I'm kind of in a hurry to feel better because I don't really have time to take- I don't have vacation time or anything like that, you know? I know that lots of people are in worse situations when it comes to this, so I'm trying to remind myself of that. But yeah, it's a little frustrating.

Speaking of frustrating, we can't score a freaking goal! Alright, time for the Gaulden Child to come off. Hells Pells! Houdini and Mr Dicko. Meredith, do we have a good Dicko song yet? God, you know what word I love saying more than any other word in the entire English language? No, not yet. Dicko! I love saying it! Do I say yet a lot? And yet? Oh. I say, you know what I say- I say "you know" a lot, I say "like" a lot, and I say "a lot" a lot. But I feel like erm, I feel like I say "yet" about a regular amount.

But I love- there's just something about the word Dicko that I love saying. Dicko, Dicko, Dicko! It's just a beautiful word. It sounds like poetry. Is it iambic? Dickooo. No, no, it's not iambic. There's Deeney. Houdini. He's good. That guy's got terrible hair. He makes Callum Kennedy look downright handsome. That guy's weird zombie eyes, doesn't he? Packwood. (laughs) Jesus Christ, how do I manage not to require Packwood? Gilchrist. Gilchrist is coming on.

Alright, so we gotta go ahead- we're in the eighty second minute here. It's looking like a nil nil draw, which... Not an ideal when you're in fifteenth. You don't wanna be getting too many nil nil draws. But! I'd like to think that the dream is alive. Erm, we just gotta get one- that was a nice ball! We just gotta get one nice piece of play together. There's Dicko! Dicko! He's not tired! Oh, he's not heavy, he's my Dicko! Dicko! You're better than that! Come on K Sainte Luce. Get the ball, get the ball! Pass it to Dicko and then back to K Sainte Luce. To Dicko! No! Anything but that! Uhh. Fergaberg.

So I don't know how long I'm gonna be sick for. I'm sorry. Uh, I hope it's not too long. I hope it doesn't interrupt your Wimbly Wombly enjoyment too much. Um, certainly I'm gonna do my best to bring- you know, obviously I think right now I'm not at my full Wimbly Wombly skill level. Oh, but maybe I don't need to be! Maybe I don't need to beeee! Oooooohh! Dicko! Dicko! DICKO. Dicko in the ninetieth minute, Dicko wins the game in my return from viral meningitis! Dicko! Dicko! Dicko! Dicko! Dick-oooooh! Maybe that's his song. What do you think of that, Meredith?

Oh yeah, I said I wasn't gonna be loud 'cause I didn't feel very good. But I didn't feel very good! But then Dicko made me feel awesome for just one second. Context is everything (laughing).

Thank you for watching! We won the game! Best wishes!