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In which John answers Google's most-asked questions starting with "Is it possible to..." The Wimbly Womblys play Preston.

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Twitter: @AFCWimblyWombly


Hello, and welcome to Hank Games (without Hank). My name is John Green. I am the manager of the Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys, who today, will be losing on purpose to Preston North End. Congratulations, Preston, in advance, on the three points that you'll be enjoying after this game.

(0:15) Another beautiful, sunny day, here in England. And, uh, yeah, we're about to just get out butts kicked by Preston as part of our insane strategy to lose a bunch of games on purpose so that we finish third in the league, so that we can ensure that the franchise, the MK et ceteras, do not have the opportunity to go up to the championship.

(0:39) Ah, some people would say that this is Ahabian of me, that I have found my white whale, and I am pursuing him to the ends of the Earth, and to those people, I say, "Shut up, I have a plan." We're only one point away. Barnsley, we need you to get one more point, at least. Alright. Um, today we're gonna do a Google auto-fill "Is it possible to..."

(0:59) Meredith, several people in comments reminded me that the last time that I lost my mind and hired a bunch of gingers with good names even though they were terrible at FIFA in an attempt to repeat the past, a Gatsbian attempt, that I lost control of my team completely. But this time I have my team's full support; you should have seen them in the locker room after our 4-2 loss at Port Vale. They were freaking delighted. They are so excited to have this opportunity, so it means a lot to them and I'm excited too.

 First auto-fill question

(1:29) Is it possible to lose a game on purpose as AFC Wimbledon? We're about to find out, Meredith. No, what's next? Is it possible to add a basement to a house? Sometimes, but not usually. You would have to, I mean, you would have to dig a foundation. I know for a fact that it's a huge pain, because even digging out four inches in our house was a massive expense. Oh, what a beautiful goal! It won't matter in the end, but (singing) Bald John Green, John Green! He gives it all for the team! Upon his mustache, we're keen! Bald John Green, John Green.

 Second auto-fill question

(2:15) (spoken) It's a beautiful goal. Beautiful goal. Oh, and then Ya Bamba makes a great steal. This is just good, old-fashioned American fun. Is it possible, what's next Meredith? "Is it possible to be friends with your ex?" Two schools of thought on that one: I can't be close friends with an ex, but that's just, I think that's just me. I think other people definitely can. I think it depends on the nature of the relationship you had with the ex in question, and then it also, I think, depends on, a little bit on the circumstances of the break-up, maybe. Because if it was truly mutual, and there was a feeling of, this is over- Meredith are you friends with any of your exes? Yeah, that's gonna be a straight no. For people like me and Meredith, it's just really not realistic. Um, but yeah. It's not, no. I couldn't, no. I mean, I can be good enough friends to keep in touch, you know, maybe one email a year. But not even really that, to be honest with you. I just- I feel really good about- I feel I'm at a- I'm really happy for those people and their happiness, but I also feel like I can't contribute to it, if that makes sense. Yeah. So ultimately, no.

(3:24) Oh, this is a great- one nil- we're one nil up right now, Meredith! It's exciting, because who knows if we're gonna find a way to lose? Just kidding! We are definitely gonna find a way to lose.

 Third auto-fill question

(3:32) Uh, what's the next one? Is it possible to control dreams? Have you ever been in a dream where you're kind of aware that it's a dream, but you can still stay in the dream, and you can do new stuff? I have this dream- I don't have flying dreams, but I do have dreams that I can jump extremely high, like five thousand feet high, and then come down very softly. (laughs) So it's almost like flying, but I'm like, no, you can't fly, that would be breaking the rules of physics! But sometimes when I'm having those dreams, which are like my favorite, some of my favorite parts of being alive, um, I'll be like.. This is a dream! But I bet I could jump even higher! Since it's a dream, I can probably choose to jump all the way into space. And then I do. And then I just come down nice and softly like Felix Baumgartner, and it's awesome.

(4:16) Um, so yeah. I do, I do feel like I can occasionally control my dreams. Oh no! Please don't score! Just kidding, score, score! You can do it! Ohhh, Seb is just too good! He's too good guys, I'm sorry. We're gonna have to find a- we might have to do an own goal in the end, but we'll see. Lots of time!

 Fourth auto-fill question

(4:33) What's next? "Is it possible to drink too much water?" Yes! Definitely. It is a hundred percent possible to drink too much water. It doesn't happen a lot, but it can be fatal. Um, it happens occasionally to marathon runners and stuff, where they- because your salts get all weird if you drink way too much water. It's pretty much possible to drink too much of anything! Um, uh, there's not a lot in this world that- that can't be treated immoderately. But yeah, it is possible. You know, I wouldn't be too worried about it unless you're a really extreme water drinker.

 Fifth auto-fill question

(5:10) Uh, what's next? "Is it possible to eat yourself?" I mean. What the frick. Like, you're freaking me out, Google. I'm super, super scared now. Um. I- I mean, I can't stop shivering. There's something- I'm having a very strange biological reaction to that question! Like, I never want to know the answer. What? What do you mean, like, is it possible to chew part of you before the rest of you dies?! Oh, God! Oh! I don't know! Yeahhhh! Congratulations to Hume! What a fantastic goal!

(5:50) Is it possible to eat yourself? Oh, no! Everything was going fine in my life until this! But now I feel that it's all fallen apart. Oh, man. Is it possible to eat yourself? Oh, God, can we just move on? I'm really freaked out right now.

 Sixth auto-fill question

(6:06) "Is it possible to fly?" No. I mean yes, on an airplane. But no, like not- do not try to build like, a human- no. Don't do that. That's a bad plan. Oh! Ohhh, just not a good cross in the end, but everything else was looking good.

 Seventh auto-fill question

(6:20) What's next? (laughing) "Is it possible to go back in time?" Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Oh, I- God, I want- has anyone- wait, is Back to the Future- is that like a movie or is that like a documentary? Because I couldn't tell for sure, so I just- I figure I'll ask Google if that's a movie or a documentary. Um, yeah. Hmm. Who knows? No one knows for sure if it's possible to go back in time. Probably not. Um, I think it's- yeah, no.

(6:55) Not- I mean, didn't I do a video once about how to build an actual time machine? Or was that just a- I think I did- might have done a video about time travel- a Wimbly Wombly video about time travel. Let's face it. Huh? Oh, we lost it. We lost that video?! You know what's crazy about losing that video is that we lost the video about time travel! Which makes me think that like, maybe like, the footage got corrupted because I said something in that video about time travel that's so deeply true about time travel, someone had to come back from the future to delete it! Possible? (laughs) Meredith just said yes, that's definitely what happened. Because what actually happened is that she lost the footage. Um, yeah, well, long story short, um, no. You cannot travel backwards in time.

 Eighth auto-fill question

(7:40) What's- what is the next question? "Is it possible to have red eyes?" Yeah, well, I mean you can get like- you can get- the whites of your eyes can turn red for a variety of reasons. Like when I had orbital cellulitis, the whites of my eyes were super, super red because um, because there was a lot of infection in them, and that's how they responded to it. But you can also- this is like a disturbing way to have very, super red eyes- you can have super red eyes if you're choked, um, or if you- if the blood vessels in your eyes can actually burst. And it's really a horrifying- doesn't happen all the time, but it's- it's really gruesome. I actually saw someone who that happened to, who was assaulted, when I worked at the children's hospital. She survived but she had really- like, these terrifyingly red eyes. It was awful. That's a fun story, great! How to eat yourself. Yay! This is a wonderful video.

(8:35) Oh wait, Meredith, I almost forgot to lose! (laughs) I almost forgot- I totally lost track of the fact that we have to lose this game. Alright! Everybody back off, back off, back off. Let them do their work. Nice. Yes. Pass to Seb. Yes. Very good, okay.

 Ninth auto-fill question

(8:53) Uh, what's the next one? "Is it possible to inhale food?" Yes, it's called aspirating. These are very easy questions! I feel like I'm- like I'm at a- playing trivial pursuit with fourth graders. Um, yeah, don't inhale your food. It's bad.

(9:09) I- you know what else I learned from my doctor? Is one of the reasons they recommend that you not give raisins to very young toddlers is that most things, when you aspirate them, it turns out fine. Like everything- maybe it's blueberries. I can't remember if it's raisins or blueberries... I'm not very good at taking care of kids. But um, I just yeah- I just err on the side of caution and only feed them Chick-fil-A.

(9:33) But um, yeah, there's uh, oh, God. They're going to score again. I hope so. Go ahead and do it on us! Context is everything. Did you really say "do it on us"? I don't think anyone actually says that anymore. Not that anyone ever actually said that.

(9:48) Anyway, either raisins or blueberries, um, sometimes like they have to do surgery because the- when you aspirate them, they can't be like, processed properly the way most food can.

 Tenth auto-fill question

(9:59) What's next? "Is it possible to jump higher?" Than?! I need the end of that sentence! Than a rabbit? Than a greyhound? A- is it possible to jump higher than a second? Is it possible to jump higher than your height? I don't know. Um, it's not possible for me, that's for damn sure! I cannot jump even a little bit higher than my height.

(10:24) Look at Other John Green going for it in a big way, even though he has no intention of winning this game! You love to see that. I love to see some courage from the boys. Um, it's a nice healthy two one loss at the moment. We've just got to make sure to hold on to this and not accidentally tie the game without enough time to go back and make sure that we absolutely do lose it.

(10:47) Um, so I think just for the sake of caution, I'm gonna try to give Preston here a third goal. Good job, Preston! No! You hit the- no! Ohhh, don't worry Preston, it worked out. They hit the post, but then Seb beautifully back-heeled it into the goal for a great owl goal. This is really a fantastic finish by Seb, watch it. Oh yeah! Cool is the other side of the pillow. What- let's see it again. Ohhh yeah, that's a beauty. No, to Seb! Your fakery, pretending to be sad, is totally unconvincing.

 Eleventh auto-fill question

(11:20) Um, what's the next one? Let's do one more. "Is it possible to kill a demon?" Okay, well like, quick update. Um. (whispers) There are no demons. (talks) Uh, so you're good. Um, but- maybe? I don't know! I've never tried to kill a demon before. It's just not in my wheelhouse, as far as like, skills I have. Just not something I know how to do well.

(11:39) Come on, Bald John Green! Let's make it three two. Bald John Green, he can't- (laughs). That was great. He just fell on his butt trying to kick the ball. What a fun time! I love losing. Thank you for watching- wait, the game isn't over? The game is not over, that was a substitution. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, I thought the game was over. Let's get that second goal, Bald John Green! You can do it! Rush the keeper! Oh, boy.

 Final words

(12:04) Let's see where we are. We gotta see where we are after the next game. It'd be nice to go back to being able to win, but whatever. If we've gotta keep losing, we can do it! Anything to make sure that our dreams come true of going to the championship, and the championship not including the team that used to be us.

Thank you for watching! Best wishes.