I'm back. Last time you will remember that i just infiltrated this giant palace thing, found my girlfriend locked in a cell, but I've discovered that Lucrezia Borgia is the only person with a key. So I must hunt her down, get her, preferably kill her, and then, uh, let my girlfriend out so that we can, uh, together make beautiful children. Uh, they will be hot, nipple-less, and dangerous with a hidden blade.

Where am I going? I'm not entirely sure, there's no... No, I've lost the, uh... there's nothing on my map to tell me where to go! That is frustrating. I have done this bef-- oh, okay. Perfect.

(I want to sing it to the heavens.) Wait, you have another boyfriend? With Jheri curl? (If Cesare finds out, who knows what he'll do.) How many? 'Confront' her... What if I just kill her? Umm, I have to confront her, but... There's no obvious way... to get to her. 

Ohhh muh. They're just smooching over there, I think I can hear them kissing. That's creepy. But at least now I have some dirt on her. Pigeons-- See, they made pigeons.

(What was that?) What was that? It was pigeons. It was just pigeons. (I'm late for rehearsal.) What are you? You're-- You're a... Oh, that's lame. You're a Jheri curled actor. That's who you decide to cheat on your brother with?
 
(We shall see how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot.) Oh, well, is the right shoe on the left foot? Because I can tell you, it doesn't feel particularly good. 'Confront' her. I shall. Ah, but can I also kill her? Wow. She is... smitten.

(Please, continue.) Ahahaha. (I didn't mean to interrupt.) I see that you're a romantic. (How nice to finally meet after hearing so much.) Hmmm. (Pity Cesare is not around here. He would enjoy this.) Are you gonna kill me? (Impossible.) Yep. (Then you leave me no choice.) Excellent. Are you gonna kill her? (Guards!) Oh. I'm gonna have to chase.

Oops! I didn't read the text before I stabbed. I stabbed first. I stabbed first before reading the text. Oh no. I'm so-- I'm-- oops. That was a desynchronization. Ezio Auditore did not kill her.

I have to fight the guards. Are you guys badasses? You don't look like badasses. I'm not even gonna take my-- Not even gonna take my thing out. Oh, there's more of you. Oh. Well, I'm also not really concerned about you. And... so I'm gonna kill you, and you, and also you.

Uh, so that was easy. Um..not really sure why they even put that in there. (Scream, however, and I  will be forced to take your tongue.) Well. 'Drag' her? I have to drag her? Where are you running to?

Hah. (Rescuing princesses from castles now?) Yes. That is what I'm doing. I'm just gonna hold... hahahaha! Doot doodoot~ I'm just gonna walk~ Yeah. I-- oh shoot. Okay, more guys coming. More guys coming. Wait, where's she going? Where's she going?

Oh, come on. Hey, what's going on? I'm confused. And you're next, and then you, and then you. And she's escaping. She's escaping-- Oh! Why did I run up the side of that door?! Is she escaping in the right direction at least? Oh come on. Come on, slow!

Okay, at least I tackled her. Temporarily. Maybe that will slow her down. Okay, I'm gonna take out my knife. My big sword. Make this go a little faster. Ohhh! Who's next? Oh, God. And you, and... you. Oh, come on. 

Mmm! Yeah, my prisoner is fleeing, I know. This time-- Oh. Ahah, oh, I totally got some up-skirt action there. Uh... but I didn't notice that. Where-- shh, jeez! Don't you know that there's guards all around?! ...I wasn't listening to what you said. I'm sorry.

Okay, I'm gonna drop you... You guys see me? I guess you saw me-- Ow! Oh, 'I'm now notorious'? Now that I've kidnapped the princess? What's going on? Okay... ey! Okay, that's disorienting, when you... Oh, come here!

Hey. Hoho, that was nice.B! ...I don't know what you're talking about. I missed it all. I'm su-- I-I'll... I'll watch the replay. I'll get the gist of it. Ah! Ey! What the frick? Whe-which way are we even facing now? Ugh, God. Oh, this is even further than I took you before! Oh. 

Uh, I don't know what you're talking about. I always see my things through. Mmkay. Mmkay, but this time, don't try and break my grasp right when I get you back to where you were before. Why don't I just take her key? And open... ugh. Okay, well at least that time she didn't get away. 

Ahhh. Getting slightly better at this. Am I even on the right level? I don't know where I am. Wait, what's this? She's down below me. 'Southsidermk wants to party with me.' Ah, but I can't party right now, because I'm partying with Caterina. Forcefully. Forceful party. 

Oh, God, this is... why do they make you walk so far in this game? Where am I going? Oh my God. No. Ughhhh. Ugh. Mm. I don't know where I'm going. So I'm going stop, and then I'll come back when I have some idea of where I am. I need to go through this door. Go through this door, please? Okay, I'll come back later. Ugh, Jesus Christ. 

I have to move up? Okay. I have arrived. I... thought I was going toward that thing but I wasn't, and... here I am. 800 florins, 'Femme Fatale,' 'Full synchronization completed,' 'Do not lose more than 10 health squares.'

Oh, gimme the key! ...Farti? Oh, you knew where it was. Ahahaha. Thanks for not making me do that, that would be horrible. I would have felt so bad. Oh, good for you! Um, why didn't we kill her? Okay, excellent.

Ohoho... Excellent. 'Escape from the costello, with Caterina and head for the stables.' Accept! I will accept. But I will accept... tomorrow. Now that I've got my girlfriend back, I need to go have some... time away from the computer, if you know what I mean.

Uh, don't take that as meaning something more dirty than I intended. I'm not going to tell you how dirty I intended it. Okay! Uh, you will not see me, and I will not see you, but you will hear me tomorrow, while I play Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood 2.0. Goodbye.