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SORRY FOR THE PAUSE! I was out of town.

In which Hank starts by screwing up...and then does quite a bit better.
When we last left our hero, Ezio Auditore, he was attempting to save his girlfriend and kill a couple of bastards, and then he fell off the thing and he hurt himself quite badly. In fact, so badly that he died.

So we have to do this again. I have to climb. I have to get to the top of this aaah it's too high building and that doesn't look like I can make that jump. But I can, I can, um. But to get, press B to drop, do I want to drop, see I tried t--B! hold B! hold B! (Open the gate!) Okay. (The Captain General is leaving for Urbino!) That's what I needed to do. (Buona fortuna, Padron Cesare!)

So then I also have to kill Cesare. (Machiavelli is going to be very disappointed.) Oh but he left--he left so now I'm just going to try and find my girlfriend which I would rather be doing anyway because, um, I'm very worried about her and, um, I have a bad feeling about this.

Where am I going? How do I move from here? Where do I go? No! Oof! That, that, did not seem like what I needed to do. Okay, can you get, can you get onto this? Can you get it? No? No? Oh geez, um...oh come on! Come on! I can't, there's no where to go. Okay well I'm down here now...which doesn't seem ideal really. I have to go up there? How do I get up there? Oh no! Oh no! I hope I don't have to redo all that work that I just did. If I do I might as well just restart the mission.

Oh, but it's way more fun to kill you guys. Hi! How's it goin'? Uggggghhhhh. So...I'm worried about my girlfriend and now probably I have, I have, got to a point where I maybe am not going to be able to save her!

C'mon! Get the grab! Ugghhh. Geez. Where's a thing where I can grab onto? (02:35) (*yelling in the distance*) Are you talking to me? Oh my god. How--how do we get up? I can't get it up! Can I restart mission? That's how I'm feelin' right now. did I start this? Over here? It's been a while since I started this and ugh. Well that's disappointing. So I think maybe this is what I have to do. I have to start all the way back from the beginning. Here I go! And don't shoot me with your crossbow! Especially don't shoot me and make me fall. So this is a very big building I have to climb and it's, uh, it's--I think in the end it's going to be good for me.

This is where I started, right here--ish...I think. Um, I'm gonna be--I'm just gonna be a better person for all this work that I've done. Y'know--y'know what I mean? Okay. This is actually somewhat promising. Yes! Excellent! Good, that's--okay this is where I started. I'm now back to where I started today. So apologies for all the time that you spent watching me screw up. That's too high! That's very scary! I'm very scared--aah! Ohhh--can I jump to that one? No! Oh my god. Can you just keep goin' over--just keep on doin' it--keep on goin' over. Oh! Ezio! Are you serious? You can' I supposed to be going? Down more? Down again? And over? Okay this is somewhat promising. Oh I'm very scared. Yes! Okay! Okay! Okay!

And...Caterina where are you? I need my girl? I need you! I miss you so much--okay I'm going to look in the--there she is! (Lucrezia: Open her cell!) Don't kill her! Don't kill her while I'm watching behind the thing. (Lucrezia: How was the journey to Roma? Did you sit in Cesare's private carriage?) Oh are you jealous? (Caterina: You're pathetic, Lucrezia.) (Lucrezia: What did he talk about? His plans for Napoli? Did you like it?) Oh it's so sexy when he talks about Napoli. (Caterina: I can't remember) (Lucrezia: Perhaps you'll remember this!) (Caterina: Aahh) (Lucrezia: That put you in your place.) Okay, okay. That's not killing her though. That's good, okay. (Lucrezia: Lock it and give me the key!)

Okay, well I have to track her down at one point--so that, that will be an important part. So now at least I know where the key is--um, in that lady's pants--in her lady pants--in that lady's lady pants. 

I can't just jump that? What kind of a...hardcore master am I? Okay, okay--I have a feeling--nope, I thought there would be lots of bad guys up here but, um, there are not. They're down there mostly. Where's the--uh oh, uh oh! I'm not here. You never saw me. Oh! Out of throwing knives? That's not good. Woah, that was the wrong button apparently. Undo eagle vision! Ow! Get him! Get him! What are you doing? I'm not-ugh. That was poorly done. What? I'm just behind this chimney. I like how he kind of noticed me a little bit. Wait, am I supposed to be under where I am right now? I am. Um. Maybe I can just slip past without this guy ever noticing me. Probably.

(7:07) Checkpoint reached. Alright, I'm in the castle. I'm in the castle and any day now I'm going to see the people who i need to kill. Any second -- wow, okay, this is a big place. Um, what's up here? Oh, fancy. Wow this is -- Luckily, this is, that seems to be a dead end so I don't have to worry about trying to go that way. Okay, okay, I'm not nervous at all. Not, not at all. At least now I don't have the opportunity of falling a great distance. Okay. What's ov-- what's over here? For you. Sorry. Oh I thought you had an itchy back. I was just trying to scratch your back. I thought, you know, one hand scratches the other -- washes -- you scratch my back, I'll stab you. Something like that.

(8:04) (Caterina: Oh. My back. Can you reach this water jug for me? I cannot get it myself.) (Guards: Anything else I can reach, princess?) Aha. Her back. She's hurt. She's a young maiden who is injured. Jeez jerk-offs. (Caterina: Ezio. What are you doing here?) Oh. What am I doing here? (Ezio: Paying a visit to the tailor) (Caterina: Rescuing me will provoke Cesare's wrath) Yes, well, he will be dead. (Ezio: Fortunately for us, he is away. Any chance there is a second key?) (Caterina: The guard handed his to Lucrezia, so I assume not.) (Ezio: Do you know where she is?) (Caterina: Her quarters are at the top of the Castetelo.) Boy, you know a lot about this place. (Ezio: all right. Stay here. That key is as good as mine.) That's right. (Caterina: I'm not going anywhere) *laughs* You'd think that he'd have, um, skills in this regard, um, like lock picking skills. Why don't you have lock picking skills?

(8:56) Why -- why isn't this fallout or any other game where it's easy to pick a lock? Um, so I have, I have managed to infiltrate this building excitedly. Um, there's a bunch of knives in this hay here. Hay knives. It's like trying to find a sword in a haystack. Really, really easy in that particular case and, uh, these dead people. I'm gonna check for there -- one of them has disappeared. One of those dead people disappeared. That's weird. Ah good, throwing knives. Where did that dead guy go? Oh, anyways, I'm going to end it here and I'm going to re-initiate, ah, tomorrow, ah, hunting down Lucrezia Borgia so that I can save my girl from a horrible fate and continue on my path to, uh, getting laid. So, uh, you will not see me and I will not see you, but you will hear me tomorrow. Good bye.