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Last sync:2023-01-21 00:15
In which John Green sings a lullaby of his own devising about all the things he will buy his baby in the event a mockingbird fails to sing. These things include a quilt, the sultanate of Oman, a diamond ring, and polka dots, among many others. Stay tuned at the end for some serious cuteness.


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A Bunny
( - -)
((') (')
(John is holding Henry in his hands)

Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday!

So Sarah and I know the tunes to a lot of lullabies, but we don't know the words to any of those lullabies, which has necessitated us coming up with our own lyrics. Nowhere is this phenomenon weirder than in the list of things that Daddy is going to buy Henry in the event that the mockingbird doesn't sing.

(John begins to sing to Henry)

Hush little baby, don’t say a word,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a mocking bird
If that mocking bird don’t sing,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a diamond ring

If that diamond ring don’t shine
Well, daddy’s gonna buy you a case of wine
And if because you’re an infant and not allowed to drink that wine should go sour
Daddy’s gonna buy you a superpower

And if that superpower proves corrupt,
Daddy’s gonna buy a volcano erupt-ing
And if that eruption produces too much ash,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a diaper rash,

And if that diaper rash actually isn’t desirable, and besides that can’t be bought,
Daddy’s gonna buy you some polka dots

(John kisses Henry)
Hmmm… polka dots!

And if those polka dots aren’t your style
Daddy’s gonna buy a Pacific isle
And if that Pacific isle is in fact way too expensive for Daddy to purchase, and he defaults on his loan and gets foreclosed upon,
Daddy’s gonna buy you the sultanate of Oman

And if given that Daddy could not afford a tiny island, his promise to buy you a sovereign nation is plainly silly,
Daddy’s gonna buy you some water lilies
And if those water lilies ever should wilt,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a hand-knit quilt,

And if after all that you still weep,
Daddy’s gonna have to grapple with the fact that while buying goods and services may benefit the economy, it’s not necessarily the best way to get babies to sleep.

(John kisses Henry again)
Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom...

Hank, I'll see you on Friday.


(Henry being superman)