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Last sync:2023-01-20 07:00
In which John reveals how much carbon Brotherhood 2.0's videos use, and discusses how to make a vlog carbon neutral.


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A Bunny
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Good morning, Hank. It's Friday, April 20th. It occurred to me recently that Brotherhood 2.0 is, itself, as a video blog, contributing to global warming. I want to make Brotherhood 2.0 a carbon-neutral video blog. Unfortunately, Hank, in order to do that I'm going to have to use a lot of arithmetic. And, as you well know, arithmetic is not my specialty. After all, about 2 months ago, I calculated that each minute contained one hundred seconds.

Okay, Hank, let's get started getting carbon neutral. According to Youtube, Brotherhood 2.0 has received 116,419 views. Each video averages about three minutes and nine seconds, which is, according to my calculations, 189 seconds? So to start we're going to multiply 116,419 times 189, which is, of course... 8 gajillion? Uh, no. It's 22,003,191. Wow! People have spent 22,003,191 seconds watching Brotherhood 2.0. We're famous! In a related story, Americans need more hobbies.

But it's not just the amount of time people spend watching our videos, it's also the amount of time people spend commenting on our videos and talking about, you know, how much cuter you are than me. Not that I'm jealous, but I have noticed that you've showed up on some blogs as one of the five celebrities that certain people would like to do certain things with, whereas I have, you know, not showed up on those blogs. But that's ok, I mean, you know, it's not a competition.

But you also have to factor in the amount of time that we spend making the videos. So, according to my calculations, the entire Brotherhood 2.0 project has taken up 22,856,391 seconds of computer time. That's 6,348.99 hours. Hank, according to some random website I just found, the average computer uses about 110 watts per hour while browsing the internet. So you multiply the number of hours times 110 and you get 698,389.7. But then in order to find kilowatts we have to divide by 1000. 698.4 kilowatts. In the US, the average kilowatt takes about 1.35 pounds of carbon to create. So, you multiply that 698 times 1.35, and then you find out that our videoblog has personally led to 942.8 pounds of carbon emissions.

Now I know what you're saying, Hank. 942 pounds, that's not that much. After all, the average American produces about 23,000 pounds of carbon. But Hank, that means that Brotherhood 2.0 is about 1/23 of the average American, and Brotherhood 2.0 isn't even a person. It's an idea! Let me put this into perspective for you. According to Dimensions Magazine, there have only been 21 people in all of human history who weighed more than Brotherhood 2.0's carbon emissions.

Hank, you remember how I said in an earlier video that Al Gore eats carbon emissions and then poops them out and when he poops them out they've been turned into gold? Well if we gave Al Gore all 942 pounds of Brotherhood 2.0's carbon emissions, and he ate it all, and he pooped it all out, and it all came out gold, and it weighed the same coming out as it did going in, and then we stole the money from Al Gore, and then donated it to Daniel Biss' campaign, Daniel would have $10,429,824.

That's the bad news, Hank. But you know what the good news is? According to in order to offset our 942 pounds of carbon, it's gonna cost us about $2.75. Yes! Jeez, at prices like this, lonelygirl15 could go carbon neutral! So Hank, I've donated our $2.75 to, making Brotherhood 2.0, through the month of April anyway, carbon neutral.

I'll see you on Monday, Hank.